Writing Words To The Music In Her Head
I've Found Something New?
I couldn't stop thinking about the night when Billie, Lucy and Mike slept over at our house. It seemed like so much things happened, that actually could change my life in some ways.
Mike kissed me, and I was surprised he was so good at it. I was actually starting to think that he was really good looking, and whenever he came to our house, I wanted to be close to him.
And then there was that weird thing that happened to Billie. How he shook so badly and even cried a little. He refused to talk about it, too. I wanted to know what it was all about, but ever since he kind off just stayed away from me. It hurt. I wanted to be some kind off help, and I hoped he noticed that and didn't think I was a pain in the ass. I just wanted to help him.
It had just gone a week, but it felt long. I had a lot to think about, and to try and vent that with a non-stop talking Lucy by your side almost all the time was hard. She was nice and all, but she just didn't know when to shut the hell up, and I was too nice to tell her that.
... Nice? That was just another word for being a coward, at least in these situations.
* * * *
Green Day practiced everyday, and every other day they were at our house. Dad didn't seem to notice it that much. He just looked pissed off when Billie and Mike arrived at the house and I followed them down the basement, but luckily he didn't mention it.
I never liked my dad's glares. It was like it told me 'you're everything I don't want you to be' and I could tell that he thought that it was my fault that Tré was now playing in a band and that his grades were sinking. I tried to ignore it.
So, today, it was band practice in the Wright's basement, once again. Tré loved their practices. They had a whole bunch of new material and I really liked it. Especially the song 'One Of My Lies'.
As they played it through, I tried to converse with Billie's eyes as he played, I wanted to see what was behind them, but he just ignored my tries and played every note right, he sang each word perfectly. I loved hearing his voice.
Wasn't it odd that I payed more attention to a friend that ignored me than to my possible to be boyfriend? I tried to look at Mike when he played, because he tried to get my attention real bad. And it hurt me to see his hurt look when I didn't smile back to him.
When they finished the song, Billie leaned his guitar against the wall.
“I'm out of here”, he said. “I'll see you guys tomorrow. Good job by the way.”
I wanted to stand up and demand him to stay, but something paralyzed me. I couldn't. He had been fleeing after every practice in one week and I guessed that it was time for me to realize that he didn't even want to be friends with me. I was just 'Tré's sister' to him.
It hurt, but I swallowed it. I couldn't let it get me down now. I was used to being rejected. But with Billie, it felt worse than it ever had. He interested me on so many levels.
Mike sat down beside me.
“Hey...”, he said carefully and I nodded in response. “I just wondered... y'know...”
I raised my eyebrows to show him that I was listening. I knew this was going to be an awkward conversation, but it couldn't be ignored.
“Do you want to go out with me sometime, maybe...?” He looked so nervous, fiddling with the edge of his Ramones-shirt and looking up at me like a scared puppy.
“Sure, just say when”, I answered.
I couldn't reject him. He was too nice to me, and I wasn't sure of my feelings. Maybe this would become something good? Maybe he would be my boyfriend? I almost giggled.
“What about tomorrow?” he asked. “I'll pick you up after School.”
“Okay”, I smiled and nodded. “Pick me up by four pm.”
He nodded with an excited smile on his face. I smiled too, and got an urge to just hug him close. The thoughts of Billie could wait. I had a date.
* * * * * * *
The thing with having a date is that when you get asked about it, you're just happy about it. What you don't think about is the pressure that you will feel when you spend all night with throwing all your clothes out of your closet to find something appropriate to wear.
I decided to wear normal clothes anyway, nothing too special. I hoped that tomorrow wouldn't be a bad hair day for me, though. Meh, what the heck... I never had good hair days, so why even bother?
* * * * * * *
“Someone has a date!” Lucy exclaimed in School the next day.
I stared at her.
“How can you tell?” It was the first thing she had said to me as soon as she laid her eyes on me. Jeez, was she a mind-reader or something? Because that was all I thought about.
“Well, you're basically glowing and you're not just wearing black”, she explained.
“I'm not always wearing black!” I defended myself.
“Yeah, whatever”, Lucy said. “Now tell me who's the lucky guy! Is it Billie?”
I shook my head.
“Mike”, I replied.
“Oh.” She had a 'too bad'-tone of her voice that I chose to ignore. “Well, a date's a date!”
I nodded.
“I guess so.”
Oh my God. I had a date!
Mike kissed me, and I was surprised he was so good at it. I was actually starting to think that he was really good looking, and whenever he came to our house, I wanted to be close to him.
And then there was that weird thing that happened to Billie. How he shook so badly and even cried a little. He refused to talk about it, too. I wanted to know what it was all about, but ever since he kind off just stayed away from me. It hurt. I wanted to be some kind off help, and I hoped he noticed that and didn't think I was a pain in the ass. I just wanted to help him.
It had just gone a week, but it felt long. I had a lot to think about, and to try and vent that with a non-stop talking Lucy by your side almost all the time was hard. She was nice and all, but she just didn't know when to shut the hell up, and I was too nice to tell her that.
... Nice? That was just another word for being a coward, at least in these situations.
* * * *
Green Day practiced everyday, and every other day they were at our house. Dad didn't seem to notice it that much. He just looked pissed off when Billie and Mike arrived at the house and I followed them down the basement, but luckily he didn't mention it.
I never liked my dad's glares. It was like it told me 'you're everything I don't want you to be' and I could tell that he thought that it was my fault that Tré was now playing in a band and that his grades were sinking. I tried to ignore it.
So, today, it was band practice in the Wright's basement, once again. Tré loved their practices. They had a whole bunch of new material and I really liked it. Especially the song 'One Of My Lies'.
As they played it through, I tried to converse with Billie's eyes as he played, I wanted to see what was behind them, but he just ignored my tries and played every note right, he sang each word perfectly. I loved hearing his voice.
Wasn't it odd that I payed more attention to a friend that ignored me than to my possible to be boyfriend? I tried to look at Mike when he played, because he tried to get my attention real bad. And it hurt me to see his hurt look when I didn't smile back to him.
When they finished the song, Billie leaned his guitar against the wall.
“I'm out of here”, he said. “I'll see you guys tomorrow. Good job by the way.”
I wanted to stand up and demand him to stay, but something paralyzed me. I couldn't. He had been fleeing after every practice in one week and I guessed that it was time for me to realize that he didn't even want to be friends with me. I was just 'Tré's sister' to him.
It hurt, but I swallowed it. I couldn't let it get me down now. I was used to being rejected. But with Billie, it felt worse than it ever had. He interested me on so many levels.
Mike sat down beside me.
“Hey...”, he said carefully and I nodded in response. “I just wondered... y'know...”
I raised my eyebrows to show him that I was listening. I knew this was going to be an awkward conversation, but it couldn't be ignored.
“Do you want to go out with me sometime, maybe...?” He looked so nervous, fiddling with the edge of his Ramones-shirt and looking up at me like a scared puppy.
“Sure, just say when”, I answered.
I couldn't reject him. He was too nice to me, and I wasn't sure of my feelings. Maybe this would become something good? Maybe he would be my boyfriend? I almost giggled.
“What about tomorrow?” he asked. “I'll pick you up after School.”
“Okay”, I smiled and nodded. “Pick me up by four pm.”
He nodded with an excited smile on his face. I smiled too, and got an urge to just hug him close. The thoughts of Billie could wait. I had a date.
* * * * * * *
The thing with having a date is that when you get asked about it, you're just happy about it. What you don't think about is the pressure that you will feel when you spend all night with throwing all your clothes out of your closet to find something appropriate to wear.
I decided to wear normal clothes anyway, nothing too special. I hoped that tomorrow wouldn't be a bad hair day for me, though. Meh, what the heck... I never had good hair days, so why even bother?
* * * * * * *
“Someone has a date!” Lucy exclaimed in School the next day.
I stared at her.
“How can you tell?” It was the first thing she had said to me as soon as she laid her eyes on me. Jeez, was she a mind-reader or something? Because that was all I thought about.
“Well, you're basically glowing and you're not just wearing black”, she explained.
“I'm not always wearing black!” I defended myself.
“Yeah, whatever”, Lucy said. “Now tell me who's the lucky guy! Is it Billie?”
I shook my head.
“Mike”, I replied.
“Oh.” She had a 'too bad'-tone of her voice that I chose to ignore. “Well, a date's a date!”
I nodded.
“I guess so.”
Oh my God. I had a date!