I Can't Control The Rhythm of My Beating Heart. I Choose Not Who I Love.
Ahora Ya Lo Sabes. Perdóneme Por No Decírtelo
The chilly air hit my face hard. It caught me off guard but Ray’s hand was toasty and warm, making me forget everything. He had a tight grip on my hand with no intent of letting go. I couldn’t believe that I was in this situation. My brain simply couldn’t process this. He noticed I had slowed down and looked back at me, smiling; his smile was so contagious. This was all a dream, it had to be. All this couldn’t be happening in real life.
We headed for the back door of the venue and he opened the door. Ray looked back, holding the door open for me. Gentlemen were now as rare as dinosaurs. He motioned for me to go in first, causing my cheeks to flare up a deep pink under my red hair. With one swift, his hand was in mine again; my heart giving another irregular beat. He pulled me behind the curtain of the theater.
“Where are we going?” I giggled as he led me up a flight of stairs. He put his finger to his lips as kept pulling me behind him. Finally we got to the narrow catwalk, hanging on by tiny invisible threads, 20 feet above the stage. I felt everything spin and I heard a deafening ringing in my ears. I was terrified of heights.
“Are you scared?” he asked, a concerned look was sported on his face. I swallowed hard and shook my head. He didn’t seem to be swayed at all. “Don’t worry I’ve got you and I won’t let go.” He smiled and held my hand even tighter.
“Come on.” He egged on as he led me the last three steps. The second I placed my foot upon the cat walked, it trembled harshly. Fear stared to seep into my insides, taking over everything. I couldn’t move.
“I’ve got you,” Ray whispered tenderly into my ear, taking hold of me waist. I gasped loudly but luckily, he took it as my fright for heights and didn’t remove his hands. Slowly, we inched closer to the middle and I would have given anything to be like this forever. His arms held me close to his inviting body. I could feel his heart beating and his soft and gentle breathing. We cautiously sat down, our legs dangling from the catwalk; he hadn’t removed his hands from my waist and I wasn’t complaining.
We talked. We talked about anything and everything. We talked about what pissed us off and what made us cry. We talked about our likes and dislikes, our dreams and mistakes, our lives up to this point but then, he stopped when it came to love. He stuttered when I asked him about his love life and gave me one-worded answers. For a while, we stayed quiet, letting the air from the outside do the speaking for us. Unexpectedly, he started to talk.
“I don’t love her like I did ten years ago. It’s pretty cynical how I still lead her on every night when I call her and I tell her I love her,” he chuckled darkly. “I just don’t know how I can break it to her. Being in this band for the past 7 years has changed me a lot and I’ve met so many different people and I’ve fed off them. They’ve shown me so much about life and there is so much more that I want to see but she’s keeping me back. I hate myself so much for feeling like this because she’s expecting. Yeah, she’s having my first born. I always assured myself that she was the one I wanted for the rest of my life; now, I’m not so sure anymore. Am I a bad person for wanting someone else?” I was breathless by the end of his explanation. My brain was still trying to decipher all of his words, his emotions, his hurt. I stuttered a bit and he cut me right off.
“Come with me Isabel. I want you. I’m sure of it. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, not even about October. Something about you draws me in like a moth to a light. You feed the hunger my soul has for love. Stay with me.” Everything seemed to be going in slow-motion. I was speechless, breathless, and my heart was on cloud nine. I couldn’t let that cloud up my perception.
I shook my head and got up. “I can’t do this to her. I would never forgive myself for taking you away from them. You may not love her but that baby needs you.” I turned away and felt my eyes fill up to the point of them spilling. Never, I told myself. Never.
We headed for the back door of the venue and he opened the door. Ray looked back, holding the door open for me. Gentlemen were now as rare as dinosaurs. He motioned for me to go in first, causing my cheeks to flare up a deep pink under my red hair. With one swift, his hand was in mine again; my heart giving another irregular beat. He pulled me behind the curtain of the theater.
“Where are we going?” I giggled as he led me up a flight of stairs. He put his finger to his lips as kept pulling me behind him. Finally we got to the narrow catwalk, hanging on by tiny invisible threads, 20 feet above the stage. I felt everything spin and I heard a deafening ringing in my ears. I was terrified of heights.
“Are you scared?” he asked, a concerned look was sported on his face. I swallowed hard and shook my head. He didn’t seem to be swayed at all. “Don’t worry I’ve got you and I won’t let go.” He smiled and held my hand even tighter.
“Come on.” He egged on as he led me the last three steps. The second I placed my foot upon the cat walked, it trembled harshly. Fear stared to seep into my insides, taking over everything. I couldn’t move.
“I’ve got you,” Ray whispered tenderly into my ear, taking hold of me waist. I gasped loudly but luckily, he took it as my fright for heights and didn’t remove his hands. Slowly, we inched closer to the middle and I would have given anything to be like this forever. His arms held me close to his inviting body. I could feel his heart beating and his soft and gentle breathing. We cautiously sat down, our legs dangling from the catwalk; he hadn’t removed his hands from my waist and I wasn’t complaining.
We talked. We talked about anything and everything. We talked about what pissed us off and what made us cry. We talked about our likes and dislikes, our dreams and mistakes, our lives up to this point but then, he stopped when it came to love. He stuttered when I asked him about his love life and gave me one-worded answers. For a while, we stayed quiet, letting the air from the outside do the speaking for us. Unexpectedly, he started to talk.
“I don’t love her like I did ten years ago. It’s pretty cynical how I still lead her on every night when I call her and I tell her I love her,” he chuckled darkly. “I just don’t know how I can break it to her. Being in this band for the past 7 years has changed me a lot and I’ve met so many different people and I’ve fed off them. They’ve shown me so much about life and there is so much more that I want to see but she’s keeping me back. I hate myself so much for feeling like this because she’s expecting. Yeah, she’s having my first born. I always assured myself that she was the one I wanted for the rest of my life; now, I’m not so sure anymore. Am I a bad person for wanting someone else?” I was breathless by the end of his explanation. My brain was still trying to decipher all of his words, his emotions, his hurt. I stuttered a bit and he cut me right off.
“Come with me Isabel. I want you. I’m sure of it. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, not even about October. Something about you draws me in like a moth to a light. You feed the hunger my soul has for love. Stay with me.” Everything seemed to be going in slow-motion. I was speechless, breathless, and my heart was on cloud nine. I couldn’t let that cloud up my perception.
I shook my head and got up. “I can’t do this to her. I would never forgive myself for taking you away from them. You may not love her but that baby needs you.” I turned away and felt my eyes fill up to the point of them spilling. Never, I told myself. Never.