Distractions.

Part 1.

The weekend passed by extremely slowly with little fun. I basically roamed the house for the first half of Saturday morning and then located myself in the family library for the rest of weekend reading.

Mikey didn’t bother me much, except to ask what I wanted to eat which I always replied with nothing; I didn’t usually eat much. But Mikey on the other hand could eat a three course meal for five without breaking a sweat. The boy has a bottomless stomach; I would swear my life on it.

When Monday rolled around I was practically begging to go back to school; I was bored and only had a small section of the library I hadn’t read.

I got to school early, as was custom for me, and waited in the usual place for Jess to get to school. I was slightly nervous because Ray had said that she was mad at me. But I promised him I would talk to her and I always keep my promises.

Searching through the students that had started piling in from the car park I was surprised that Jess wasn’t here yet. Her bus was usually here a little after me and, although I hadn’t realised it, it was now about half an hour after I had arrived at school and her bus had already arrived.

The bell rang, signalling the start of first class, and I started off to class without a second thought as to why Jess wasn’t here. Jess was probably sick anyway; the flu had been going around lately and infecting students and teachers alike. I had almost arrived at my first class, Advance English, when I realised that I hadn’t seen Frank all morning. It felt quite odd as I was used to seeing him so much lately. I’d only known him about a week and I was already completely used to him.

Walking into the classroom, I noticed two things: Jess wasn’t sick today and Pete had half his dreadlocks cut off. I just had to laugh at the second thing I noticed because it was hilarious. As for the first, I was confused. But happily confused. I walked over and took my seat next to Jess with a cheesy smile plastered on my face.

“Hey Jess, why weren’t you on the bus this morning?” I asked, curiously.

She didn’t acknowledge that I’d spoken and continued to look straight ahead. I frowned and nudged her arm. “Jess?”

Her head flipped around and she fixed me with a glare. If looks could kill, I’d be dead a million times over. I flinched back from her, shocked at her reaction.

“Don’t fucking touch, talk or come near me, Gerard,” she hissed, then turned back to face the front of the classroom.

I sat in shock, my eyes not leaving her profile once. I was confused and I had no idea what I’d done. Ray had told me that she was a little mad, but this wasn’t a little mad at all. This was ‘I want to kill you’ mad.

Mr Devenush, our A. English teacher, started speaking about our work today and light groans sounded from my surrounding peers. But for the first time in my schooling career, I didn’t care. I didn’t even want to bother to pay any attention to what they were groaning about; I was too fixated on the way Jess had just acted and why.

I sat in silence absentmindedly filling out the sheet Mr. Devenush had handed to me, we were doing verbs again. That’s probably why everyone groaned. My eyes flitted over one word that caught my attention, hurt.

I scanned the rest of the page and found there were a lot of other words just like it. There was, plead, cry, shatter. Every single one of the words I could relate to how I was currently feeling.

I’d been so happy when I walked into the class and Jess had brought me crashing down within the space of about a minute. What hurt more is that I had no idea what I’d even done. I had no idea as to why she was so mad at me. It was extremely hard sitting next to her for the rest of the lesson. It was like an icy cold breeze was radiating from her body and hitting me with full force. But that just could have been the air conditioner behind us.

When the bell rang I shot out of the classroom faster than the teacher could even bat an eyelash; I was gone. I rushed off to Gym, hoping that Miss Thomas would go remotely easy on me. But I didn’t even make it to the Gym before tears had started streaming freely down my face.

I kept my head down to all the students bustling around me, trying to get to their next class. I think I heard my name being called but I didn’t react, I just kept walking. Once in the locker room, I made my way over to my locker and stuck my head in it, hoping to pass off as if I were looking for something.

I bit my lip, holding in the strangled sobs that I knew would escape my lips if I opened my mouth at all. When everyone had left, after telling me I should hurry up unless I want extra laps again, I collapsed onto the bench in the middle of hall between the lockers and wall.

My head fell into my hands and I finally let the sobs come out. My black, shoulder-length hair, which Mikey had been telling me I should cut, adhered to the tear streaks on my cheeks. I didn’t realise that I wasn’t alone anymore and only noticed when the other person wrapped their big arms around me and started shushing me soothingly.

I didn’t need to look to know it was Ray. I could tell by the rock-hard chest I was pushed up against, by the cologne scent radiating off him, by the deep rumbling in his chest from his shushing. I tried pushing him away, I struggled in vain though. He kept me pulled against him until I gave up and welcomed his embrace.

I cried into Ray’s chest, probably getting snot all over the poor guy. When my eyes dried and all was left were my quiet sobs, I pulled away and he let me this time.

“Now. Are you going to tell me what’s up?” Ray whispered, rubbing small circles on my back comfortingly. I shook my head and put it in my hands, wiping my cheeks and nose.

“Gerard, I know you have a lot of secrets from all of us but do you really want to keep everything in?”

I looked up at Ray with wide eyes, “What do you mean ‘a lot of secrets’?”

“I’m not stupid. Bob and Pete and all the rest of them may not be able to see through your lies but I’m a lot more observant than they are. Jess is too,” he answered, with an affectionate small smile playing on his lips. I stared at him, shocked. How much did he know?

“What do you know?” I whispered urgently.

“Calm down. I don’t know anything, just that you are hiding a few things. But I gather that you’ll tell me when you feel comfortable not when I want you to,” Ray replied, his smile still in place. “You’re a good friend Gerard, but sometimes I just don’t know how to show you that no matter what you’re hiding it won’t matter to me; I’ll still be the same old Ray-Ray and you’ll still be the same old Gee.”

Ray’s little speech had turned me to complete mush. He was a very straightforward and affectionate guy but you knew you could always depend on him, unlike Pete and the rest of them. I felt compelled to tell him but I knew I couldn’t. There were other secrets apart from mebeing rich having a lot of money.

“What about Jess?” I mumbled, wiping my nose again.

“She doesn’t exactly see it the same way as I do,” Ray answered, avoiding my eyes.

I felt my shoulders slump. “Is that why she told me not to come near or talk to her?”

Ray looked up sharply, “What?”

“That’s what she said. I walked into the classroom and sat down next to her and asked her why she wasn’t on the bus. She ignored me at first and when I poked her she turned around and glared at me then told me never to talk, touch or come near her again,” I explained. “I swear if looks could kill I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”

“I seriously have no idea why Jess acted like that. She seemed fine about it on Friday; she and I talked aboutyou it.”

“Well something’s changed over the weekend,” I mumbled. Ray put his arm back around my shoulders.

“Look, I’ll talk to her, yeah? See what her problem is?”

“Thank you, Ray. If you don’t tell anyone, would you like me to tell you one of my ‘secrets?’ Because I think I can trust you,” I asked. I noticed my hands had started shaking a little. Ray noticed too and gave me a squeeze.

“Yeah, okay. Only if you’re cool with it,” he said softly.

“You have to promise not to go all weird on me and you can’t tell anyone else, okay? Especially not the guys,” I stressed, my hands beginning to shake even more.

“Gerard, you know I wouldn’t tell them unless you wanted me too,” Ray replied, with another small squeeze of my small, thin shoulders. Seriously, Ray made me look like a little kid. I was so thin, bony and short next to him.

“Okay. Well, you know how there are gay people and then there are people who aren’t gay but aren’t straight?” I asked quietly.

“You mean bisexuals?” Ray asked, his voice dropping to the same level as mine.

I nodded. “I am one,” I whispered, my voice barely audible even to my ears. I dropped my head, letting my hair cover my face. Ray started laughing and so I looked up at him sharply, thinking he was laughing at me.

“Is that it?” he asked incredulously. “Seriously, is that it?”

“Yes,” I answered completely confused and a little insulted that he was laughing at me.

“Gerard, when I said I was observant, I meant it,” he chuckled.

I stopped breathing. “You knew?”

“Nah, I had my suspicions though. No one else knows, I haven’t talked to anyone about it, I swear,” he reassured me.

“Oh.”

“But you shouldn’t be afraid to ‘come out’ or whatever with the group. We’ll accept you and if any of the guys give you shit; Bob and I’ll pound ‘em for you.”

I laughed, despite myself, at Ray.

“Yes Ray-Ray. I’m sure you would, but I’m not ready,” I said, although I was now smiling up at him.

“Oh…Well when you are ready, just tell me, yeah? So I can be on patrol for anyone who needs a pounding.” He grinned.

“I will,” I promised, laughing.

“Good. So, are you feeling better?” he asked, ruffling my hair and adding, ‘you need a hair cut’ as an after thought.

“Yeah, I’m feeling better. Thanks Ray-Ray,” I paused, “You do realise we just skipped about three quarters of Gym?”

“I know,” Ray answered, a small frown appearing on his face. “Miss Thomas is going to torture us.”

“I know.”

“You up for some small white lies?” Ray asked hesitantly.

I looked up at him, “Are you serious? You can’t lie to save yourself.”

“No, I can’t,” Ray agreed, “But you can.”

“Me?” I squeaked, “What the fuck am I going to say?”

“That you were feeling really ill and were throwing up in the toilets?” Ray suggested with a shrug of his shoulders. “You could pass it off with the state you’re in at the moment.”

“Thanks, Ray,” I mumbled, wiping at my eyes.

“Rub your eyes heaps and I’ll grab some deodorant from my locker,” Ray said, standing and walking over to his locker, at the other end of the little hallway.

“What’s with the deodorant?” I asked, confused and rubbing at my eyes.

“It’ll work. Trust me,” Ray replied, rooting through his locker. After finally locating his deodorant he walked back over and sprayed me enthusiastically. I coughed a few times and managed to sputter, “What the fuck, Ray?” through the thick fog of spray.

“Just say that you sprayed yourself because you smelt like puke. Miss Thomas can’t stand it, she once saw a kid upchuck and it sent her into a spasm of gagging. She’ll freak,” Ray explained, leading me out of the locker room.

The moment we entered the gym Miss Thomas spotted us.

“Ray Toro and Gerard Way! Where have you been?” she shouted.

Ray nudged me and I put on my best sick face. “Miss,” I groaned, “I’ve been feeling extremely ill. I’ve been throwing up and I smell like puke so I had to spray myself with deodorant. I’m so sorry I missed Gym,” I paused, my hand flying to my stomach, “Oh god!”

Miss Thomas’s face drained of all colour and she shrieked for me to get out and to the bathroom or nurse’s office; whichever was closest. Satisfied, I let Ray pretend to lead me away quickly. Once back in the locker room both Ray and I laughed until our stomachs hurt.

“Good show, Gerard,” Ray gasped between bursts of laughter.

“Watcha guys laughing about?”

Ray and I turned and our eyes laid on one Frank Iero.

“Hey Frank,” I said, with a smile in his direction.

“Gerard, do you know this guy?” Ray whispered hesitantly, eyeing Frank’s outfit off. Today Frank was wearing tight black skinny leg jeans with a tight white shirt. Not to mention the lip ring matched with converses. He was so obviously out of uniform that I was surprised teachers even recognised him as a student that attended our school.

“Yeah, I do Ray. This is Frank. Frank this is Ray, one of my good friends,” I replied, answering Ray’s question and introducing them.

“Hey…Frank,” Ray greeted hesitantly.

Frank acknowledged Ray with a nod of his head before his eyes settled back on me. “Are you okay, Gerard? Because you look like shit.”

“Thanks, Frank.” I grumbled, starting to regather my stuff ready for break.

“Sorry. But seriously, are you alright? I was calling out to you in the halls before and you never answered me. Then the principal decided she wanted to ‘talk’ to me so I couldn’t follow and see if you were okay,” Frank explained, with a nervous glance at Ray who towered over not only him but me as well.

“Yeah, I’m alright now,” I answered, putting my bag on my back and started walking out of the locker room.

“Gerard, the bell hasn’t gone yet,” Ray called after me.

The bell rang. “Yes it has,” I replied and walked out of the room leaving Frank and Ray behind. I was surprised when Frank didn’t follow me like I expected. I had already walked out of the building and was sitting down on the concourse by myself eating some sushi I asked Morris to cook me up. Wait…can you cook sushi?