Milestones: Commitment

"Brianna, what am I going to do?" Michelle groaned as the last remnants of her hangover dissipated. She was lounging in her pajamas in her chair as Brianna worked on studying for a final that she had the next day.

"What happened this time?"

"Well...I told you that Val called me to talk about Brian last night...and I told her I would talk to him when he calls again..." Michelle said, biting her lip. He hadn't even called again yet, and already the nerves were eating away at her stomach.

"...The look on your face tells me that you're dreading talking to him at all," Brianna said, looking up at her friend.

"Well...I'm not.... But, I don't know. I want to because I feel bad for him, but I don't because I'm afraid it's going to be awkward," Michelle admitted.

"Bad? Why would you feel bad?" Brianna asked, her eyebrows furrowing as she leafed through her Advanced Biology textbook. "He was the one who fucked things up."

"I know, but I feel bad because of how miserable he got because I broke up with him. My sister told me that he got deep into drugs and would go missing for hours," Michelle explained, looking over her shoulder out the window behind her. "Do you think maybe I should have never broken up with him in the first place? I mean...if we were still together, neither Brian nor I would feel so...shitty."

"No, I think what you did last year was right. That boy needed to be taught a lesson, and I think he's finally learned it," Brianna said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the poor guy has obviously realized how shitty his life is without you in it. Why else would he call out of the blue, and keep calling? He wants you to answer because he doesn't want to let you go."

Michelle couldn't help but smile at the words Brianna spoke. She loved Brian still, and the idea that maybe he loved her and wanted her to give him another chance sounded good. Even if Brianna told her it was the right thing to do, Michelle wished that she could take back all the things that went wrong between her and Brian, so that they could have still been together.

"So...are you really going to answer your phone the next time he calls?" Brianna asked, throwing a grin toward her friend.

"I don't know..." Michelle answered, but before she could say anymore, her phone started ringing from its place on the window ledge where it was charging. Picking it up, she saw that it was Brian, thinking how uncanny it was that he had chosen that very moment to call.

"Brian?" Brianna asked, and Michelle nodded, holding the phone in her hand after unplugging it. "Just answer it, Chelle. I know you want to, you know you want to.... It's perfect timing."

Looking down at the phone in her hand, Michelle almost winced, letting out a sound halfway between a groan and a shriek, trying to keep her heartbeat in check. The phone had already rang three times - if she waited any longer, she'd miss her chance.

Quickly flipping open the phone and putting it to her ear, Michelle tried not to let her unsettled emotions flow down the line to Brian. "Hello?" she breathed out, and there was a silent pause.

"...M-Michelle?" Brian asked, not believing he had really reached her.

"Well, who else would it be?" she answered, trying to lighten the mood she could already feel was becoming tense.

"Um...sorry," he said, speaking quietly. "I just...wasn't expecting you to answer." Awkward silence. "So, uh, how have you been?"

"Alright," Michelle said, slowly getting up from her seat and crossing to the bathroom, shutting the door and sitting against it as the pitch black settled against her eyes. "You?"

"I could be better. I think it's because of this whole van situation. None of us get much sleep at all, and we're kinda broke so we never eat. I've probably lost at least ten pounds," Brian said, rambling to try and ease the tenseness of his muscles as he spoke, a nervous laugh breaking into his words.

"Yeah, I've heard about that from Val," Michelle said, her voice still straddling the fence between a whisper and the next loudest thing.

"So...why didn't you ever answer the phone before?" Sighing, Michelle tilted her head back against the door, her eyes closing.

"Well, half the time you called me during class."

"...And the other half?" Brian asked, hoping he would get his answer.

"The other half, I was too busy coming to terms with the fact that we hadn't talked in over a year, with the fact that until that first day you called I was able to go longer than a day without thinking about you..." Michelle said, her voice coming out bitter though she didn't mean for it to.

"Oh...," came his solitary reply, and Michelle could hear that Brian's spirits had fallen considerably. "Um..."

"Brian, I'm sorry. Forget I said anything."

"I kinda can't, Chelle," he sighed, and for a second Michelle was glad she couldn't see his face.

"I was almost going to call you last night."

"Why didn't you? I miss you, Michelle. I really do," Brian said.

"I miss you too," she whispered, and Michelle closed her eyes, trying to remember what it felt like to have the simple pleasure of holding Brian's hand, or having his body pressed up behind hers as they slept.

"I need to see you," Brian said quietly, but his voice sounded strong. "I can't get you out of my head. I haven't been able to for months..."

"I know.... Val told me everything that happened."

"Sh-she did?" Brian asked, feeling surprised and worried at the same time.

"Yeah, she called me last night and told me what happened to you during the first tour, and I feel like that's my fault," Michelle said, almost feeling her eyes well up with tears.

"Baby, it's not your fault..."

Wincing at the pet name he would always call her, she drew a shaky breath. "It is, because if I hadn't broken up with you, none of that would have happened, and now I wish I hadn't," Michelle admitted.

"Then we can be together again. I want to be with you," Brian said, nearly pleading in his words.

"It's just not that easy though, Bri. We've been apart for a year and a half. Maybe if we had still kept in touch things could be different, but it's just not that easy to pick up all the pieces and put them together again..."

It was silent over the line for a long time, and if Michelle couldn't hear Brian's breathing, she would have thought he'd hung up on her.

"Brian, I have to go. I have two more finals to study for, and I need to pass them so my parents don't complain. I'll be home in a week. Maybe...maybe I'll see you then," Michelle said, breaking the silence.

"Okay. Um...good luck on the tests," Brian said, and Michelle let a smile slip out before they shared their goodbyes.

Sighing, she leaned back against the door again. She knew that telling Brian she'd be home in a week would warrant a visit from him, and now that the initial conversation was over, she wasn't feeling quite so nervous.

A knock sounded on the door behind Michelle and she quickly got up, opening it to see Melinda.

"Hey, I gotta pee."

"No problem, I was just on the phone," Michelle said, leaving the bathroom open for Melinda to use.

"So?" Brianna asked, looking up from her book with a smile.

"Well, it went better than I thought it would."