Wish You Were Here

“Step away from the mirror, or you’ll crack it.” I said to Tre. I’d caught him once again checking himself in the mirror, obviously admiring how he looked.

“I love it,” he said. He was pleased with the brown colour that I’d put through his hair and I’d cut it shorter at the sides, leaving the top longer so that he could ‘mohawk’ it up.

”I gathered that,” I said coming up behind him and looking at his reflection.

“But I’m not sure about the eyeliner, what do you really think?” Asked Tre.

I thought the eyeliner looked amazing. After I’d done the guy’s hair Billie remembered what I’d said about the eyeliner at the meeting so I went upstairs to get my make up bag, showing him how to apply the eyeliner. It did look good on him and Adrienne couldn’t wait to get him home after that. Mike didn’t want to try it and I wasn’t sure whether it had anything to do with our earlier conversation. Was he just being stubborn or was he just not interested in wearing the eyeliner? I couldn’t tell.

“Tre, it looks great it…sort of makes your eyes stand out a little bit brighter,” I said and it did, his eyes looked sparkly, lit up and full of fun, just how I always remembered them. The first thing I’d noticed about him, his eyes were the same colour as the lake up in the mountains.

“But you know…guy’s wearing make up…” said Tre glancing at himself once more.

“Tre how many times do I have to tell you? You look great.” I couldn’t help but smile at him.

He was still looking at himself but his face had changed slightly, his smile had disappeared and I knew that he was thinking about his children again.

I put my hand out, onto his shoulder. “Are you OK?” I said in a quiet voice but knowing he wasn’t.

Of course he wasn’t because right there and then he burst into tears, so unexpectedly and I think it had shocked him as much as it had me. Tre had only ever cried a handful of times in his life and each time I’d been with him. I remembered back when his grandparents had died while we were younger, he cried then, when Lisea and him split up he cried and he cried after him and the guys visited a children’s hospital. He cried when he saw me after the got back for the unfairness of it all. He never thought it was right that children got sick, well who did? But it had affected him and he’d cried on my shoulder.

“Hey, its OK, you’ll fly back and forth to see them and I’ll go and fetch Ramona for you,” I said putting my arm across his shoulder and bringing him in close to me, feeling his tears on my shoulder seeping through my thin shirt. But I didn’t mind.

“I know Jules,” said Tre sniffing, “but…but Frankito’s little face when I left him. He doesn’t understand.”

“He knows you love him, he definitely knows that, so does Ramona and you can speak to him every day.”

“I know I can, that was such a good idea of yours giving him a phone. A ‘Daddy phone’ that I can call him up on. He liked that.”

“Come through to the kitchen, I’ll get us a drink or…how about you make us one of your hot chocolates?” I said feeling sorry for him and realising that may be this was what it was all about. He knew the tour was coming, he hardly saw enough of his kids as it was.

“Yeah, I’ll make us some hot chocolate,” said Tre busying himself. I sat at the table and just watched him, I couldn’t take my eyes from him once again, he looked good lately, better than I’d ever known, this old friend of mine with his newly dyed brown hair, his blue eyes framed by jet black eyeliner and the scruffiest tee-shirt known to man hanging out of his long shorts.

I couldn’t help but recall Mike and the conversation we had earlier while I was in the bathroom washing his hair. I’d dreaded the moment, especially after my talk with Billie.

“Are you glad you came home?” Mike had said to me. I couldn’t see his face; he was leaning over the bath.

“It was the best thing I ever did and the worst thing was…meeting Clive.” I said running the water over his hair.

“We thought you’d come to your senses before the big day but we didn’t want it to happen in such a way,” said Mike.

“I know, when I meet someone, I always seem to be blind as to what they’re really like, I seem to miss all that, just rush right on in there, thinking that everything is great, its as though I’m blinkered.”

“May be you’ll meet someone while we tour,” said Mike.

“I already have met someone,” I said, out of the blue without even a thought as to what I was saying. Why had I said that? Probably to put him off the scent, to tell him without really telling him that I wasn’t interested.

“Oh,” said Mike, sitting up as I wrapped a towel around him. He looked confused. I’d surprised him too.

“Its new,” I said, “So I don’t want to say much about it.”

“Its not that Vince guy is it? That young one?” said Mike looking at me with a little sadness in his eyes. I knew he was a good bloke and he’d had some rough relationships in the past. He deserved happiness but not with me. It wouldn’t work.

“No, not him,” I said then couldn’t speak about it anymore because Tre was opening the bathroom door, peeking in, right on cue as if saving me, did he know what was going on here? That they were all trying to set me up with Mike may be he’d sensed it and sensed also that I wasn’t interested.

“Is it my turn to be washed off?” Asked Tre coming into the bathroom to join us, the dye on his hair glistening.

“Yeah, your turn,” I said then watched Mike leave the bathroom, I felt slightly sorry for him but I couldn’t help it, I didn’t want to be with Mike.

We talked a little while we drank the hot chocolate, it was very late, almost 2am but suddenly I wasn’t tired and felt I could talk all night, so we spoke about past tours about the reactions that their fans gave them, about the unknown and all the countries that we would be visiting again. We couldn’t wait.

“Mike likes you, you know” Tre said as we finished another hot chocolate. So he’d guessed.

“I know and I think Adrienne and Billie were trying to set me up with him but…I think I let him down gently, I told him there was someone else.” I said.

“Is there?” Asked Tre but I looked away, I couldn’t look into his eyes, eyes that I’d told my utmost secrets to, eyes that practically knew everything about me. Except they didn’t know how I felt about him.

“Jules, what is it? Have you really met someone?” He said. I still couldn’t look at him, so just got up and rinsed my mug in the sink.

“Sort of,” I said. What was sort of? Of course there wasn’t anyone but I wanted to be with someone and this time, not just anyone, not just the next person I met that would be interested in me, not just some random guy that I thought loved me and I loved him when it had always been a hopeless case with me.

That someone was Tre and I really couldn’t work out why he couldn’t realise. Couldn’t he see the way I’d looked at him the past couple of days? But he was my friend, my best friend; he probably thought it was unthinkable.

Then he was beside me and I took his mug from him to rinse it, knowing that he was going to question me, he never did give up.

“What does sort of mean? Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for that Vincent guy?” He said.

“What if I had?” I turned to him. “So what if I had? Am I not good enough for him because he’s too young for me? It seems OK for you to have the young ones, to just pick them up and take them to bed, then leave them and move onto the next. So what Tre? Are you the only one that’s allowed to do that?” I said. I’d snapped at him, it had come from nowhere, I was frustrated with the situation and it had just come out. I couldn’t stop myself. I knew I was being totally unreasonable and rude but…I just couldn’t help it.

“Jules what’s wrong?” Said Tre.

But I couldn’t take his kindness and pity right then and I span round to him once again, my mouth working before my brain did it seemed. “Nothing’s wrong, I’m sick of being judged by who I go out with, sick of being the butt of everyone’s jokes because I can’t seem to find someone and can’t settle down. My love life has always been a joke with everyone and I’m sick of it. I’ll see who I like, when I like,” I said, then stormed out of the kitchen, Tre’s shocked face a picture as I went off to bed and slammed the door. I went over to the bed and lay down, tears streaming down my face for some unknown reason. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, my outburst was childish and I’d probably upset Tre who had enough on his mind at the moment.

About two hours later I still couldn’t sleep but decided there was nothing for it but to knock on Tre’s door and apologise. Plus I just needed to see him.

He opened the door, all dishevelled, just stood there in his boxers, causing butterflies to erupt deep in my stomach. We stood in silence just looking at each other as I fiddled around with the belt of my robe feeling embarassed.

“Can I come in?” I whispered, breaking the silence. Tre said nothing just opened the door wider for me to step inside. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked into the room. The door slammed shut and it caused me to jump. I turned and he had his back to the door, just leaning against it, waiting for me to speak, watching me.

“Please say something,” I said. But then why shoud he? It was me that should say something, I’d been so awful to him and he hadn’t deserved it.

“What do you expect me to say? What was all that about? I don’t get it Jules.”

”It just came out,” I said plonking myself down on his bed. “I don’t know why but I’m sick of my love life being something that everyone seems to be able to just discuss and have a laugh about. It hurts.”

“We only mean well, none of us would ever intend to hurt you,” Tre said coming over to me and sitting next to me, his arm going across my shoulder. I didn’t deserve this treament, a little part of me wanted him to have a go at me the way I’d had a go at him earlier. That was what I deserved.

“Tre…” I whispered. “I’m sorry…”

“What for? You’ve been through some shit, I didn’t realise how it has affected you. Lets make this tour a great one, lets have some fun, just like the old days, yeah? It’ll be OK. Promise.”

He pulled me against him, his body warm and comforting like it always had been, everything seemed to feel OK when he hugged me.

“So,” he said. I could feel his breath warm on the top of my head. I suddenly wanted him badly, looking back to all our years together I would never imagine that I’d want to be with Tre in that way and now I did. He understood me, he knew the ins and outs of me, the bones of me. I just wanted him to want me. “You going to tell me who this guy is then, I won’t tell anyone, I promise I won’t. Who is it Jules, this new guy you’ve fallen for?”

“Its you Tre.” I said because I had to tell him, it was like a weight lifted now that he knew but I was scared about what was going to happen. How would we be together now? I didn’t care though, I had to tell him, I’d have to live with the fact. Tre wouldn’t tell anyone but I wondered just slightly how our relationship would be now.

I could feel Tre pull away, and new then that he was about to say that the situation would be totally impossible, he was going to laugh say what the fucking hell was I talking about. But he didn’t he just put his hand against my face, making me turn to look at him, his other hand wrapping round my neck. I was trembling under his touch, his hot breath tickling against my face. His body, hot against mine.

Our lips touched and my breath was taken as I wrapped my arms about his neck, feeling his newly dyed and cut hair beneath my fingers. I could feel Tre’s fingers caressing along my collarbone then his fingers were inside my robe, teasing agaist my skin as our kiss deepened.

My head was spinning as Tre’s hands ran up and down my back, inside my robe, his hands warm against my skin as I tried to keep up with his desparate kisses. I had to catch my breath as he leant me backwards into the bed, Tres lips now on my neck as I arched my body against his letting him taste my skin. Suddenly, Tre pulled back and he was watching me, his pupils large in his bright blue eyes, my breathing becoming rapid and heavy as I watched his face, his lips moist, cheeks flushed and eyes definitely full of desire. For me.

He wants me, I thought, he wants me just as much as I want him. He ran his fingers along my arm, gentle, fluttering touches that turned me on to the maximum, he certainly knew what he was doing, I thought as he bent to kiss the dip between my breasts, causing me to bite on my lip as he came back up again, kissing my lips then resting his forehead against mine.

His fingers were working their magic and I threw my head back and smiled.

“why are you smiling?” Asked Tre.

“Because I’m happy,” I said and I was, happier than I’d ever realised I could be.

“You know something?” said Tre, his breathy words against my cheek.

“What’s that?” I said as I arched myself against him.

“I’ve waited for this moment too long…” Tre breathed.

When Tre's wake up alarm went off the next morning I realised that I’d only slept for about one hour but I’d never felt more full of life but then wondered how we’d adjust to being lovers and not just friends.