I Never Told You What I Do For A Living

The smell of rotting corpses and blood filled my nostrils as I walked through the hallways of the deserted Belleville Hospital. It wasn’t a big deal, I was used to it. Even better, I LOVED it. I’ve been working here for a few years and I have to say, it’s the perfect job for me.

“Paging Doctor Iero, come in Doctor Iero!” My walkie-talkie buzzed in my back pocket.

I quickly took off my right hands bloody plastic white glove and grabbed my walkie-talkie out of my back pocket.

“Yes, Nurse Nestor? What is it?” I asked into my contraption.

“There’s a patient waiting for you in room 209. He just got in.”

“Ok, I’ll get right over there when I finish the patient I’m headed to right now. Give me his stats after I buzz you, okay?” I told her, already putting the walkie-talkie into my back pocket.

“Alright, sir.”

I opened the door to the metal, shiny, grimy room. Room 213. 3 other doctors were already in the room, dressed to do work. They all had their construction masks on and a rubber apron. All 3 of them were holding down my ‘Patient’. Muffled cries and squeals were coming from the pinned down body. I walked to the counter to the far left of the room and pulled out a fresh, new, clean pair of gloves from the draws. Next I put on the same rubber apron as my counter part had on. When I was done I took the spare mask and put it on my head. I walked to the flailing women on the metal island. Her make-up was beyond distorted, some eyeliner taking shape on the corner of her mouth and her red lip stick reached down to her light brown neck. Her red leather mini skirt was riding up and showing her black lace panties. Her chest showed various hickies and bite marks. Her white laced blouse was covered in bloody hand marks, from the other doctors retraining her.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk.” I started, when I was in front of her. “You’ve been a very VERY naughty girl these past few months and I’m not talking about kinky sex. Sleeping around with guys you don’t know and taking more drugs than the local druggie. Passing unknown viruses and diseases to desperate guys that need to get laid… how pathetic. You could have had a decent job but you chose to lead the life you chose. And look where it’s gotten you.” I told her shaking my head back in forth with a smile planted on my face.

Her eyes bolted open, they started to water and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. I smirked, went to the closet that held all my…tools.

“What shall we use today, fellas?” I asked, looking at the various amount of garage tools and sharp knives. I always got so happy in picking the tools.

I picked up a machete and flung it around loosely.

“Is it,” I started, dragging the ‘s’ in ‘is’ and the ‘I’ in ‘it’. “Machete Monday? Or,” Dragging the ‘O’ in ‘or’. “Chain Saw Monday? Hmm, I think I’ve used the machete too much this week, I need to sharpen it. But this is my favorite tool and I’m going to have to sharpen it anyways. It’ll still do me, society, and most importantly her good. Oh, this is so EXCITING!” I giggled, grabbing the machete and skipping back over to the metal island. Every time my boots hit the floor it echoed thru-out the little room.

When I reached my fellow workers and the ‘patient’, I smiled at her and caressed her leg. I moved my head a bit toward her leg as a signal to the doctor that was nearest me to hold that leg down firmer.

“It’s alright, honey.” I cooed. “You won’t feel a thing, I promise you that.” NOT!

I gently placed the cold knife on her shin.

“Do you feel the coolness of the blade, love?” I asked nicely.

She nodded her head. She blinked away her tears and took a deep breath, getting ready for the impact.

“PREFECT.” I said, clearly. This was always my favorite part.

I shut my mask and raised the machete high, higher than my head. I brought it down with a swift movement. Blood splattered everywhere covering the blade and my mask.

As the doctors bagged up the remaining pieces of my ‘patient’, I cleaned the blade that had done the wielder justice. Yes, what this hospital is doing is for justice. Removing any threat to human society is more like it. Whores, prostitutes, druggies, pimps, rapists, thugs, child molesters, bank robbers, you get the picture. So far criminal activities have gone down .3 percent. People still hear rumors about this place but they never seem to find it. The old Belleville Hospital has been burnt down a long time ago but we rebuilt it on the other side of Belleville. No one knows where this place is, like I said it’s a rumor. The new hospital is guarded by the forest and no one goes seeking into the forest, day OR night.

I muttered thanks to the guys that helped and made my way towards room 209. I pulled the walkie-talkie out of my back pocket once again and buzzed Nurse Nestor.

“Finally! Doctor Iero, the patient is getting even more impatient by the second. There are already 5 Doctors in the room trying to restrain him! I’ll give you the stats as fast as I can. Male, 5’9, Caucasian, married, big dude, 31 years old, child molester.”

“Alright, I’m at room 209, I’ll buzz you when I’m out.”

“Ok, sir.”

I put the device back into my back pocket and opened up the door. A big dude with muscles was struggling to keep the 5 doctors from restraining him. He was yelling and cussing. I quickly grabbed a few hand cuffs and ran to the guy. The doctors pushed him down onto the leather, ripped up dentist seat. I pressed the buttons on the bottom of the seat to lower him close to the ground. I quickly put one end of the cuff to be inside the little metal hoop on the floor. Then, with the other side I cuffed it to his ankles. I did the same with his wrists. I ran to the cabinets and pulled out a thick roll of duct tape and wrapped it around the guys head.

“Now that that filthy mouth of yours is shut, I can finally get to work.” I told him, smiling.

The doctors left me to do my business, seeing as they had nothing to do now that everything was under control. I walked to a similar closet as the other one in room 213 and looked at the various tools. The tools in this room were different than the other one but this one contained the same version of a chain saw as I saw in the first closet. I pulled my mask down and grabbed the chain saw. I didn’t care If he begged me for mercy, it’s not right to molest a child and get away with it. I walked over to him and pulled the chain saws string on the other end of it, the one closest to me. The machine roared to life as I saw the panic arise on the filthy bastards face. I moved the chain saw so it was right over his pelvic bone.

“Do you feel violated now, bitch? HUH!” I shouted and roughly implanted the chain saw into his skin. I swore I could hear him scream ‘no’ but I wasn’t sure, it was muffled out from the noise of the machine and the enjoyment I felt putting this criminal to justice. Using the chain saw wasn’t my favorite tool to use. It makes too much of a mess.

Grabbing the last chunk of human meat, I glanced at the clock. It was almost time for my shift to end. I chucked the piece of meat into a black bag and walked out the room. I took the elevator to the first floor, changed into my regular clothes, and chatted with Nurse Nestor for a while. Casual talk, like how’s the weather and what not. Work wasn’t allowed to be talked about in any case. It was forbidden unless you wanted to end up like the criminals that come here. Well in-fact, if you get caught talking about work you get treated WORSE than the criminals. But of course it was no problem to not talk about work. It might get a bit awkward. I mean imagine going to your fellow worker and being like, “Oh hey, David! How that was guy you electrocuted on the 10th floor? Was he a screamer?” To me, that’s pretty awkward and it’s not going to happen anytime soon to THE Doctor Iero. I’m pretty damn mother fucking sure of it.

I walked out side into the brisk air and made my way out of the woods. Walking was mandatory to get to work. Everyday or so I walk 2 miles to the bus stop from my apartment, wait for my bus, get off near the 99 cent corner store, take the train and take another bus. Then I walk for a half a mile in the woods until there is a fork in the road. Instead of going left or right you have to go straight through the middle. That’s why no one can ever find the Hospital. Dumb asses.

I walked out of the woods and walked to the bus stop. I checked my phone and put it back into my pocket. The bus should be getting here…NOW. I got into the bus and walked to the back of the bus, ignoring the eyes of the elderly and ignoring the gasps and whispers from the little kids and teenagers. A little girl came up to me, ignoring her mothers’ wishes to stay away from ‘The Mysterious Man in the Back’.

‘Mister, you have some blood on your cheek.” She shyly said.

I rubbed it off and smiled at her. “Thanks, sweetie. Now go to your mother, and don’t be a bad girl.”

She nodded and skipped to her mother. It’s weird how she wasn’t afraid of me. Most little kids are.

2 hours and a half later I was in front of my apartment building. I checked my clock once it again, it read 12:13. I unlocked the building door and went up the steps to the 2nd floor. I had been lucky with getting this apartment on the 2nd floor or else I would have been walking up the stairs til I reached the 8th floor.

I opened up the door to my apartment and closed the door behind me. I lazily took off my jacket and threw it at a nearby chair. Gary must have been hungry, he was meowing like crazy. I went to the cabinet in the kitchen and took out a bag of cat food and poured it into his bowl. By the time I put the bag back I felt Gary pushing up on my leg and meowing more. I groaned and took the bag back out.

“Fucking fat ass cat…” I mumbled, pouring more food into his bowl. “No more, dammit! So don’t be rubbing your damn feline ass all over my legs.” I told him, rubbing his little head. He purred and finished up his food. I took out another bowl and poured some milk in it. I set it down next to the food bowl.

Going to my room, I took off my shirt and grabbed a notebook. I headed back to the kitchen and checked my voice messages. Wow, 100 voice messages, that’s a record. We’re going to be busy tomorrow.

I clicked on the first message and listened to a guy explaining how he raped his son and killed his wife. I wrote down in my notebook the guys name, age, height, what he did, and what his race is. I called him back and told him instructions to get to the hospital.
Victim one, done.

I kept repeating what I did to the first guy for another 10 messages. After I was done with the voice messages the phone started ringing. First caller of the night, the 11th victim.

“Hello?” A low feminine voice said.

“Hi, this is the 1-800-GetHelp hotline how may I help you?” I spoke into the phone.

If you haven’t found out by now my job at home was related to the Hospital. I would go around town, hunting down prostitutes, rapists and others and give them my ‘Hotline’ number. They would call and I would give them ‘help’. I would give them instructions to the Hospital, making them believe it was a new court building to help them fight off their pimps or help fight the case they are in. Little did they know they were going to be put to the CORRECT justice. The justice they deserve.

Not long after I finished giving the girl the directions to the Hospital the phone started to ring again. I pressed talk and held the phone to my ear. I got up and walked to the fridge and took out a small tub of heavenly, chocolate chip Ben & Jerry ice cream. They are fricken GOD.

Since no one said anything into the phone first I said my daily line of bull shit.

“Hi, this is the 1-800-GetHelp hotline how may I help you?” I spoke into the phone. I opened up a tub of ice cream and got a metal spoon. I took a big spoon full and brought it to my lips.

“Hi, I’m calling…um I’m called because I did something bad. I just need advice…” The person on the other line said. The person sounded about 14 years old. Male, I could tell. Didn’t even start puberty yet.

“Alright, shoot. I’m open all night.” I told him, sitting up on the counter.

Gary started to meow again and I brought him up with me. I rubbed his back and he started to purr.

“Well, I… I just…Killed my parents…I didn’t mean to I mean I did but I didn’t know…I didn’t know the gun had bullets…I…I don’t know what to do please help me! I don’t want to go to jail! I don’t want to die either!” He cried into the phone.

“Die? What do you mean; you got the gun to your head at this moment?” I asked, eating another spoon full of the chocolate chip ice cream. Don’t think for a second that I care for this dude. It’s his fault he even had the gun and its his fault for not check if it had bullets. I could care less if he shoots him self in the head.

“Yes!” He sobbed into the phone.

“Well, either way you’re going to die. Its either you go to jail and they put you in the electric chair or you shoot your self right now. It’s your choice and I’m waiting for the answer.” I told him.

Gary started meowing again so I shut him up by giving him some ice cream. Didn’t I just give him food? Fucking fat ass cat.

It was quiet for a few seconds and I started to get really annoyed.

“So, what’s your choice punk?” I asked, scrapping up some ice cream.

“I…I thought you were supposed to help me…” He whispered.

“I am. There truly really ARE 2 choices. Die in jail or die right now. Make the fucking choice.” I growled at him. I got off the counter and Gary jumped down after me.

I heard him sniff and then a bang.

Hmm, so I guess he chose to die right now. I hung up and unplugged the phone. I know from experience that the phone will be ringing off the hook til 5 in the morning.

I finished up the last of the ice cream and threw it away. Once it hit the garbage can Gary jumped into the garbage, pulled it out and started to lick it.

“Jesus, Gary you act like I don’t feed you!” I mumbled, walking to my bedroom.

I washed my face, brushed my teeth and went to bed. Just another day of inducing justice in the life of Frank Anthony Iero. Oh God, how I loved my life.