You're the Voice Inside My Head

Being the end of June indicates that the school year is coming to an end. Everyone is happy that summer is coming but at the same time freaking out about passing. I haven’t been that good this year about my grades so I’ll be lucky if I pass.

“Renae we need to make epic summer plans.” Cristal accounted.
“Indeed we do, but what?” I asked.
“Lets party it up and go to the mall a lot. Possibly go see a concert as well.” She smiled.
“Sounds good to me. I’ll leave you now since Will is coming over, talk to you later.” I turned away to go find Jasmine.

I headed over to my locker to find Jasmine standing there hand in hand with Jack as usual. “Jasmine, Cristal and I made epic summer plans.”
She jerked her head towards me, “I better be included in them.” She laughed.
“Why of course, so are the guys.” I smiled.

Just then I felt two arms tie around my waist, I loved this feeling. “I love you,” Alex whispered.
“I love you too Alex.” I smiled.
“Get a room,” Jack joked.

School ended and everyone met up at Jack’s house. We all thought of awesome things we could do this summer.
Then Jasmine’s phone started ringing. “Renae it’s you’re mom.” She handed me the phone. I took the phone and went into the other room.
”Hello?” I asked.

“Hey honey, I need you to come home. Something’s come up and we need to talk about it.” She sounded serious.
“Can’t it wait until later?” I asked.
“No, it’s a very big thing we need to discuss as a family. I’m coming to get you.” She said hanging up.

I walked back into the room where everyone was. “What’s wrong?” Cristal asked noticing the concern on my face.
“My mom’s coming to get me, she said there’s something really important I need to discuss with my family.” I said.
“It’s probably nothing,” Alex said.
“I hope you’re right.” I said.

My mom pulled into Jack’s driveway in a matter of minutes. I said good-bye to everyone and Alex told me he’d call me later. I got into the car with my mom and we didn’t talk until we got home. I walked into my house to find my father already sitting at the kitchen table ready for whatever the discussion was. “Renae this is hard for me to tell you but I want you to know your father and I love you very much,” I was expecting to hear about someone who died. “We have decided we’re moving.” There was an awkward silence, I never expected this.

“You’re kidding me right?” I was furious.
“I wish I was, I know how hard the move is going to be on you. But it’s something we have to do.” She looked ashamed.
“I’m not leaving, I’ll move in with your sister. I already have a bedroom there. I can’t leave my friends. Not now” I was about to break down.
“We’re a family and we’re moving as a family. You’re coming with us. You’re father got a better job offer and we need to take it.”
“When do we move?” I asked.
“The second weekend in summer.” She said.
“I can’t believe this is happening, I finally have my life together and now it’s ruined. I’ll never forgive you both for this.” I tried holding back my tears as I ran upstairs, slamming my door.

I couldn’t start to imagine how I’d explain this to everyone; or how to tell them at that. I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling thinking about what everyone would do. What would happen to mine, Cristal, and Jasmine’s friendship. Or to even begin what would happen to my relationship with Alex. My eyes started to fill up with tears again. I could hear my parents yelling to me from downstairs but their opinions no longer mattered to me. I heard the phone ringing and I knew it was Alex but I couldn’t talk to him, not now at least. I cried myself to sleep that night.

The first week in summer vacation had started and I managed to go this long without telling anyone about the move. I knew I had to tell every sooner or later and I didn’t want to wait until the last minute either. My parents had already started packing everything up in the house so it’d be a matter of time until questions were asked about the boxes.

I decided to call Cristal and Jasmine to make plans with them today. Today was the day I was going to tell them about the move, even though I didn’t want to.
“Hey Renae buddy, what’s up?” Cristal answered; she knew I was calling due to caller ID.
“Hi, I was just thinking me, you, and Jasmine could hang out tonight? Without the guys.” I suggested.
“Of course, I’d love to. Let me call Jasmine and we’ll be right over.” She said.
“Actually can we go to your house? Mines a bit…crowded” I claimed.
“Yeah sure, you can come over now and I’ll have Jasmine come over too.”
“Okay see you soon,” I hung up.

I found my camera and decided to bring it to Cristal’s house. I’d needing all the pictures I could get. I’d miss them terribly. When I got to her house Jasmine was already there. We took a lot of pictures and were having a good time. Cristal started talking about how one of her cousins was moving out of state and that’s when I cracked; I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Renae what’s wrong?” Cristal was freaking out.
“I didn’t want to tell you guys.” I could barley speak over the tears.
“You can tell us anything.” Jasmine tried comforting me.
“I keep telling myself it’s not going to happen but I can’t stop it.” I cried more.
“Renae, tell us what’s wrong,” Cristal pleaded.
“I’m moving…”
“Stop joking around” Jasmine said.
“I wish I was joking. I hate my parents for this.” I sobbed.
“You’re serious, this can’t be happening.” Cristal started to cry too.
“When are you moving?” Jasmine tried to hold herself together.
“Next week.”
“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Cristal demanded.
“That day my mom picked me up in a hurry from Jack’s house that’s what she needed to talk to me about. It was hard enough telling you guys; I don’t have any idea how to tell Alex.” I couldn’t stop crying.
“It’s going to break his heart, but you have to tell him.” Jasmine said.
“We’re friends until the end, don’t forget that; and this clearly isn’t the end.” Cristal tried keeping the faith.

We all hugged and Jasmine texted Jack telling him I needed to talk to Alex. Alex and I decided to meet at the school playground where we first all hung out as a group. Though he wasn’t aware of why I chose to meet at that spot. Jasmine and Cristal thought they needed to dress me up and make me look all pretty before I went to meet him. I didn’t see any need in makeup because I’d end up crying it off anyways.

I took my camera with me to the park. When I saw him the near sight made me almost burst out in tears; but I held them back. He seemed so happy to see me I didn’t want to bring up the bad news so quickly. We took a lot of pictures together and I had my favorite out of the bunch that I was going to print out for him later.

“Alex I need to tell you something.” My voice started to crack.
“What is it…?” He had concern in his voice.
“But before I do I want you to know I do really love you.” I admitted.
“Are you breaking up with me?” His face turned pale and he looked as if he was about to cry.
“No I’m not…but I’m moving.” Tears rolled down my face.
He didn’t say anything for a couple minutes, “Y-you can’t.” was all he could say.
“Believe me I don’t want to. But my dad got a better job offer and my parents decided they needed to take it. It’ll be out of state and I don’t think I’ll be able to talk to you, or anyone else for that matter.” I kept crying.
“I feel like a part of me just died…I can’t do this. I don’t want you to leave, I love you Renae.” He was crying now.
“Alex, I love you too. I don’t want to move either but I have to. I’ll never forget you.” I sobbed.
“Don’t talk like that, like we’re over. I can’t believe this is happening, I never would have expected this. When are you leaving?” He was breaking down.
“Next week. That’s why I brought the camera. I don’t ever want to forget this. What we had.” I couldn’t stop crying.
“You mean what we have. Just because your moving doesn’t mean our feelings will go away. I know mine won’t.” he was looking me in the eyes now.
“Of course, I’ll still feel as strong for you as I always have. Nothing can change that.” I looked at him and hugged him tightly.

I was miserable the rest of the remaining week. I had my mom print out the pictures for me. I gave copies to Cristal and Jasmine. My favorite of Alex and me, I wrote on the back of it. “I’ll always want you and only you. Love, Renae.” Everyone insisted on having a going away party but I wouldn’t be able to deal with it. The last day here I was going to spend it with Jasmine, Cristal, and Alex.

I went to Alex’s house to say goodbye to him first. “I’m not into goodbyes, we’ll meet up again.” Alex said.
“No matter where I go, I’ll come back here.” I cried.
“This might be my last chance,” he wiped the tears from my eyes. “To every see you again.”
“Alex don’t talk like that, I’ll come back.” I promised.

He kissed my lips oh so softly. He had me begging for more every time he did this. We were sitting on his bed and he laid me down and was kissing me all over. Of course I was getting into it and I didn’t care where things went from here. I just knew I wanted him forever and only him.

He whispered in my ear, “Do you want me?”
“Always,” I moaned.
He unbuttoned his shirt and threw it on his floor. Then continued kissing me. My hands wandered their way all over his stomach. He stopped kissing me only to take off my shirt. He did it slowly as if making sure I was fine with it. He started to undo his pants and soon took them off. His hands were moving all over my body while he kissed me. Then I took off my pants on my own and threw them onto the floor. Positions like this had always scared me; maybe because it was Alex why doing this didn’t scare me at all.

I woke up in Alex’s bed without any clothes on, just sheets covering me. I turned over to find Alex still sleeping. The clock read 2:00pm so I decided to collect my clothes off of the floor and dress myself. I still had our picture in my pants pocket and I took it out and placed it on his desk. I woke him up and we said our goodbyes. We promised each other this wasn’t the end for us but I could tell neither of us were sure what would happen next.

I met up with Jasmine and Cristal later and we said goodbye to each other and promised to meet up again one day. I never thought I’d have to go through something so hard. When I finally got home all of the boxes were in the moving van and my parents were waiting for me in the car. I took one last look at the house before I got in the car. I never thought I’d be saying goodbye to this place. Everyone was standing in my driveway as I waved goodbye to them. I never knew if I’d see any of them again.