The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You
Four
Gerard.
I tossed and turned throughout the night. My life was spinning out of control and there was nothing I could hold onto. I was slowly losing my band and the only girl I loved. They were all right; I was more concerned with myself then others. But it was hard to break the habit. I came to the notion that I was not going to get any sleep, so I decided to get up around five. I made my way into the small kitchen within the bus and made the first pot of coffee for the day. I reached into the cabinet and pulled out a mug. I stood at the counter as I watched the coffee maker make the coffee and thought about how I was going to fix things. I knew I had to learn to listen to people more. It was surprising that I had changed some much. I used to be the one that people could talk to and I would listen. But the fame messed with my head, making me into someone I’m not.
The coffee maker finally finished making the coffee and I poured the first hot cup. I blew on it as I made my way to the small table and booth that was attached to the wall. I stared into the coffee and thought about things I would say to Frankie to make him come back. I would of course tell him that I would stop being a selfish ass and be more concerned with people’s feeling and ideas. I would beg him to come back and be a brother again. As I sat in the booth, I heard someone else get up. I didn’t look up, I couldn’t face anyone right now, but as I heard an anger sigh, I knew who it was.
“Tell me why I should break that pretty face of yours?” Bob said.
I looked up and I could see the anger in his face, along with the hurt. I knew I hurt everyone as I pushed Frankie over the edge, but I also knew he was angry with me about Helena. I sighed lightly and stood up, “Look Bob, I know you are extremely pissed at me-“
“You are damn right I’m pissed at you,” Bob cut me off. I nodded and took a deep breath wanting to say more, but he continued, “You hurt my baby sister, and I promised I do everything to protect her. And I won’t let a dirt bag like you hurt her.”
“Jeez Bob, you know me better than that. I would never try to hurt Helena, I love her damn it. I rather hurt myself then I would her!” I started to raise my voice.
“Well it’s too late Gerard, now I’m going to hurt you,” he said as he moved closer to me.
Helena.
I laid in bed just staring at the wall, wondering what my life was going to be like. I knew I couldn’t stay here and see him every day, it would kill me. And it would kill me to even fight with him. I held back the tears and tried not to think about life without Gerard, but he was making it so hard not for me to. I felt my brother move and slide out of the bunk bed, trying not to wake me. I smile as I closed my eyes, trying to get a little more sleep. It was working out okay, until I heard two people’s voices getting louder.
“Jeez Bob, you know me better than that. I would never try to hurt Helena, I love her damn it. I rather hurt myself then I would her!” I heard Gerard yell and my heart leaped a bit. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. I knew he was only saying it to keep my brother from hitting him. But then I realized why they were yelling. I jumped out of the bunker and ran towards the front. A few head peeked out of the bunks but I ignored them. I just made it into the kitchen when Bob pulled his fist back. I ran over toward them and stood between them.
“Bob, stop it,” I hissed and gave him a look. He pulled away and nodded. He still glared at Gerard as he back up and headed to the back of the bus, cooling down.
“What do you think you were doing? He could have killed you,” I yelled at Gerard and he looked to the ground. From what I could see of his appearance, he hadn’t shower and he hadn’t slept. My heart ached for him, but I knew I had to hold my guard up, I wasn’t about to let him in again.
“I know, but I really don’t care at this point,” He said and looked up at me with hopeful eyes, “Listen you were right, I was an ass to you. But give me another chance Helena, I want to make it up to you,” he begged and everything inside me died. I couldn’t let him in again and watch him destroy me again. I was barely keeping it together; I couldn’t let him do it again. I felt my eyes water as I stared out the small window, watching the sun. I looked back at him and those hazel eyes brought me to my knees but the hurt was still there.
“I can’t Gerard,” I whispered feeling a tear fall from eye, “I’m leaving today… I am gonna go see Holly and spend some time away. I need this Gerard, I need this time to think about my life and whether or not I want you in it,” I said as I felt more tears fall. I watched as his eyes turned hopeful to sad. He snuffled and looked down at the counter. He shook his head and walked past me. At that point I just cried my eyes out; it never feels good breaking someone’s heart.
Gerard.
“I screwed things up again Adam, and this time I can’t fix it!” I said as I paced back and forth in their tour van. My eyes were blood shot from crying. This girl was all I ever knew, she was my poison. I was living off of that poison and having that taken from me, killed me. Adam just sat there and listened to me. I knew he was annoyed with me and my talking, but he knew this time it was different. He actually was seeing emotions from me.
“She said she was done?” he asked shocked, “That girl is in love with you. Maybe you need to clean your ears.”
“No dude, she is leaving today and I have no idea when I will see her again. And I am scared to death. I am scared that I will never see her again, or even worst fall in love with someone else. That will kill me,” I felt tears once again falling down as I sat down on the couch. I heard him sigh and reach out to rub my knee in a friendly way. Like he was letting me know he was there for me.
“Well go met her at the airport, spend as much as time with her as you can,” he told me and he was right. It was important that I spend as much time as I could with her. She was special to me and not to see her before she leaves, I don’t know what I would do.
Helena.
“I will call you when I land,” I told my brother as I held him tight. I had never really left my brother for a long period time, but I feel like it was time. I need to get away and think about things. I need to figure out if I wanted Gerard in my life and if I wanted to have the touring lifestyle. He softly kissed the side of my head and I let go.
“Be safe okay,” I nodded my head and turned towards the security. I walked slow waiting for him to just pop out like he just to do. I looked around the crowd and never saw those huge hazel eyes. I felt my heart sank to even think he wasn’t even coming. I knew we were having serious problems right now, but not to show up to say goodbye, it killed me. I handed the guard my ticket and place my carry on throw the x-ray machine. I made it through without any problems… all but one. He wasn’t there. I silently cried to myself as I headed into the terminal and noticed there were a lot of people walking everywhere. People were exiting their flights and others were boarding. I looked up at the broad and noticed that mine was delayed due to weather problems. I sighed and looked around for somewhere to eat until something or someone caught my eye.
He was leaning against the wall just watching me through his huge sunglasses. He was still wearing what he was wearing this morning, tight Levis jeans and a jean jacket with a hoodie underneath it. I took a deep breath and walked towards him. He stood up straight but still kept the sunglasses on and keeping the same facial expression. I could never guess what he was thinking when he had those sunglasses on, it was like a security blanket for him, “I didn’t think you were coming.”
“Well you thought wrong,” he said and slide off his glasses. I saw his eyes, blood shot and damaged. It was killing him like it was killing me, but I had to go. I couldn’t sit here and watch him destroy me.
“How do you get past security?” I asked him as I set down my carry on and stood up again. I watched as his back hand reached into his back pocket and pulled out an airline ticket. My heart sank; I did not want him coming with me. I needed to do this alone. I was leaving for a reason.
“I swiped it from a table,” he answered and put it back into his pocket, “I wanted to come say goodbye, but not in front of your brother.”
“Oh okay,” I nodded and wrapped my arms around my waist as I looked from side to side. I could see out of the corner of my eye, he was staring at me and smiling. I saw his hand slowly reached up and brushed my hair back. I turned towards him and bite my lower lip. He always had that way of calming me down or making me not hate him anymore. I looked to the ground and took at deep breath, “I’m sorry Gerard, it’s just I have to get away, you know.”
“I know, and I understand,” he agreed and it took me by surprise. I thought he would be fighting for me to stay; I wanted him to fight for me. But yet, he knew I needed space and I was thankful for that.
“I don’t know when or even if I am coming back,” I told him and he smiled.
“Take all the time you want sugar; I will always be here for you. And I will change for you. I will be the man I used to be. I just need you to promise me one thing,” he said and I looked up at him. I knew deep down he was going to change and I knew he would wait for me. But what was the one thing he wanted me to do for him.
“What is it Gerard?”
“Promise me, you won’t fall in love with someone else.”
I tossed and turned throughout the night. My life was spinning out of control and there was nothing I could hold onto. I was slowly losing my band and the only girl I loved. They were all right; I was more concerned with myself then others. But it was hard to break the habit. I came to the notion that I was not going to get any sleep, so I decided to get up around five. I made my way into the small kitchen within the bus and made the first pot of coffee for the day. I reached into the cabinet and pulled out a mug. I stood at the counter as I watched the coffee maker make the coffee and thought about how I was going to fix things. I knew I had to learn to listen to people more. It was surprising that I had changed some much. I used to be the one that people could talk to and I would listen. But the fame messed with my head, making me into someone I’m not.
The coffee maker finally finished making the coffee and I poured the first hot cup. I blew on it as I made my way to the small table and booth that was attached to the wall. I stared into the coffee and thought about things I would say to Frankie to make him come back. I would of course tell him that I would stop being a selfish ass and be more concerned with people’s feeling and ideas. I would beg him to come back and be a brother again. As I sat in the booth, I heard someone else get up. I didn’t look up, I couldn’t face anyone right now, but as I heard an anger sigh, I knew who it was.
“Tell me why I should break that pretty face of yours?” Bob said.
I looked up and I could see the anger in his face, along with the hurt. I knew I hurt everyone as I pushed Frankie over the edge, but I also knew he was angry with me about Helena. I sighed lightly and stood up, “Look Bob, I know you are extremely pissed at me-“
“You are damn right I’m pissed at you,” Bob cut me off. I nodded and took a deep breath wanting to say more, but he continued, “You hurt my baby sister, and I promised I do everything to protect her. And I won’t let a dirt bag like you hurt her.”
“Jeez Bob, you know me better than that. I would never try to hurt Helena, I love her damn it. I rather hurt myself then I would her!” I started to raise my voice.
“Well it’s too late Gerard, now I’m going to hurt you,” he said as he moved closer to me.
Helena.
I laid in bed just staring at the wall, wondering what my life was going to be like. I knew I couldn’t stay here and see him every day, it would kill me. And it would kill me to even fight with him. I held back the tears and tried not to think about life without Gerard, but he was making it so hard not for me to. I felt my brother move and slide out of the bunk bed, trying not to wake me. I smile as I closed my eyes, trying to get a little more sleep. It was working out okay, until I heard two people’s voices getting louder.
“Jeez Bob, you know me better than that. I would never try to hurt Helena, I love her damn it. I rather hurt myself then I would her!” I heard Gerard yell and my heart leaped a bit. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. I knew he was only saying it to keep my brother from hitting him. But then I realized why they were yelling. I jumped out of the bunker and ran towards the front. A few head peeked out of the bunks but I ignored them. I just made it into the kitchen when Bob pulled his fist back. I ran over toward them and stood between them.
“Bob, stop it,” I hissed and gave him a look. He pulled away and nodded. He still glared at Gerard as he back up and headed to the back of the bus, cooling down.
“What do you think you were doing? He could have killed you,” I yelled at Gerard and he looked to the ground. From what I could see of his appearance, he hadn’t shower and he hadn’t slept. My heart ached for him, but I knew I had to hold my guard up, I wasn’t about to let him in again.
“I know, but I really don’t care at this point,” He said and looked up at me with hopeful eyes, “Listen you were right, I was an ass to you. But give me another chance Helena, I want to make it up to you,” he begged and everything inside me died. I couldn’t let him in again and watch him destroy me again. I was barely keeping it together; I couldn’t let him do it again. I felt my eyes water as I stared out the small window, watching the sun. I looked back at him and those hazel eyes brought me to my knees but the hurt was still there.
“I can’t Gerard,” I whispered feeling a tear fall from eye, “I’m leaving today… I am gonna go see Holly and spend some time away. I need this Gerard, I need this time to think about my life and whether or not I want you in it,” I said as I felt more tears fall. I watched as his eyes turned hopeful to sad. He snuffled and looked down at the counter. He shook his head and walked past me. At that point I just cried my eyes out; it never feels good breaking someone’s heart.
Gerard.
“I screwed things up again Adam, and this time I can’t fix it!” I said as I paced back and forth in their tour van. My eyes were blood shot from crying. This girl was all I ever knew, she was my poison. I was living off of that poison and having that taken from me, killed me. Adam just sat there and listened to me. I knew he was annoyed with me and my talking, but he knew this time it was different. He actually was seeing emotions from me.
“She said she was done?” he asked shocked, “That girl is in love with you. Maybe you need to clean your ears.”
“No dude, she is leaving today and I have no idea when I will see her again. And I am scared to death. I am scared that I will never see her again, or even worst fall in love with someone else. That will kill me,” I felt tears once again falling down as I sat down on the couch. I heard him sigh and reach out to rub my knee in a friendly way. Like he was letting me know he was there for me.
“Well go met her at the airport, spend as much as time with her as you can,” he told me and he was right. It was important that I spend as much time as I could with her. She was special to me and not to see her before she leaves, I don’t know what I would do.
Helena.
“I will call you when I land,” I told my brother as I held him tight. I had never really left my brother for a long period time, but I feel like it was time. I need to get away and think about things. I need to figure out if I wanted Gerard in my life and if I wanted to have the touring lifestyle. He softly kissed the side of my head and I let go.
“Be safe okay,” I nodded my head and turned towards the security. I walked slow waiting for him to just pop out like he just to do. I looked around the crowd and never saw those huge hazel eyes. I felt my heart sank to even think he wasn’t even coming. I knew we were having serious problems right now, but not to show up to say goodbye, it killed me. I handed the guard my ticket and place my carry on throw the x-ray machine. I made it through without any problems… all but one. He wasn’t there. I silently cried to myself as I headed into the terminal and noticed there were a lot of people walking everywhere. People were exiting their flights and others were boarding. I looked up at the broad and noticed that mine was delayed due to weather problems. I sighed and looked around for somewhere to eat until something or someone caught my eye.
He was leaning against the wall just watching me through his huge sunglasses. He was still wearing what he was wearing this morning, tight Levis jeans and a jean jacket with a hoodie underneath it. I took a deep breath and walked towards him. He stood up straight but still kept the sunglasses on and keeping the same facial expression. I could never guess what he was thinking when he had those sunglasses on, it was like a security blanket for him, “I didn’t think you were coming.”
“Well you thought wrong,” he said and slide off his glasses. I saw his eyes, blood shot and damaged. It was killing him like it was killing me, but I had to go. I couldn’t sit here and watch him destroy me.
“How do you get past security?” I asked him as I set down my carry on and stood up again. I watched as his back hand reached into his back pocket and pulled out an airline ticket. My heart sank; I did not want him coming with me. I needed to do this alone. I was leaving for a reason.
“I swiped it from a table,” he answered and put it back into his pocket, “I wanted to come say goodbye, but not in front of your brother.”
“Oh okay,” I nodded and wrapped my arms around my waist as I looked from side to side. I could see out of the corner of my eye, he was staring at me and smiling. I saw his hand slowly reached up and brushed my hair back. I turned towards him and bite my lower lip. He always had that way of calming me down or making me not hate him anymore. I looked to the ground and took at deep breath, “I’m sorry Gerard, it’s just I have to get away, you know.”
“I know, and I understand,” he agreed and it took me by surprise. I thought he would be fighting for me to stay; I wanted him to fight for me. But yet, he knew I needed space and I was thankful for that.
“I don’t know when or even if I am coming back,” I told him and he smiled.
“Take all the time you want sugar; I will always be here for you. And I will change for you. I will be the man I used to be. I just need you to promise me one thing,” he said and I looked up at him. I knew deep down he was going to change and I knew he would wait for me. But what was the one thing he wanted me to do for him.
“What is it Gerard?”
“Promise me, you won’t fall in love with someone else.”