The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You

Helena
I looked around the room thinking that there was only going to be a few people, mostly Frankie’s friends. But I never thought that they’re tiny apartment would be filled with so many people. I lost count after fifty knowing that there was at least double. The living room area was pack to the fullest and the backyard had even more people in it. The music was loud and all you could hear were people yelling over it. I sighed and pushed my way into the kitchen. I needed to find Holly. I needed to tell her that I was going out for a walk, to get away from all the chaos. I finally made my way into the kitchen and still couldn’t find her. I sighed heavily and looked through the kitchen window.

“Are you looking for someone darlin’?” I heard a voice ask me from behind. I turned around and came face to face with the most gorgeous man that I had ever seen since Gerard. He had dark eyes that compliant his pale white skin. His hair was straight and it shaped his round face. He had the usually tight shirt and skinny jeans to add to the look. Overall, there was something about this guy that I was drawn to.

“Um.. Yeah, either Frankie or Holly?” I asked him and he smiled showing his pearly white teeth.

“I think I saw Holly outside. I’m Robbie, by the way,” he said his name and I smiled. He moved closer to me and was now standing next to me, looking down at me, “And your name might be?”

“Helena,” I said lightly, almost like the air was caught in my throat. It was weird, no one since Gerard had made me feel this way, or made me act this way.

“Well that is a pretty name Helena,” he smiled and everything inside me melted. I knew I was in trouble, but I didn’t care. I needed this more than I thought I did. My thoughts went right to Gerard and wonder how hurt he would be over this, but I never promised him I wouldn’t fall in love.

Holly.

Frankie did it again, packed the place to where no one could move. I sighed and finally made my way outside, to at least get some fresh air. I walked down the concrete steps and onto the small grass yard. I saw in the corner of the yard smoking with a random friend he had. One would think that just walking inside you would notice how popular he was. I sighed and walked over to one of many coolers that were placed around the apartment. I opened the lid and was about to pull out a bottle when I noticed a sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I swallowed hard as I put the lid back down. ’Great now I can’t drink,’ I said to myself and sat on the steps. I rested my elbows on my knees and rested my face between my hands.

“Why the long face baby?” Frankie suddenly appeared in front of me. I looked up him and smiled.

“Eh, just not feeling well. I have a stomach ache,” I explained to him as I grabbed my stomach to prove my point. He crouched down in front of him and handed me his beer.

“Wanna slip? Maybe it will settle it?” he asked me and I just shook my head.

“Thanks, but no thanks. I think I just need some cold water,” I told him and stood up. He stood up also and walked closer to me. He lean down and kissed the one spot that I loved the most. He kissed the corner of my mouth and placed his hand behind my head.

“Well I hope you get better soon babe,” he whispered and I nodded. I kissed his cheek and walked up the stairs until I felt a sudden slap on my ass. I put on my shock face and turned around to see him smiling and cracking up, “I couldn’t pass that moment up.”

“Asshole,” I said and smiled as I continued my way into the house. I pushed the door in and felt the smug odor of cigarettes and alcohol. I was taken back by the odor and had to cover my nose. I walked towards the counter and saw Helena, smiling happily up at Robbie? I was shocked he even was around here anymore. He usually went with the wind and never stayed in one place too long. I bite my lip wanting to interject, but it was the first time in days I saw her smile like that. I was glad she was, but I didn’t want her to get involved with him. He was bad news, like above the centerfold bad news. I sighed and just turned away. I knew he wasn’t going to stay long, so I knew he wouldn’t hurt Helena. I grabbed my water and walked back outside, wondering if I just made the right decision.

“Back so soon?” I heard Frankie say from the bottom of the steps standing with some of our oldest friends, Jacob and Rosemary. I smiled and waved at them as they excused themselves.

“Yeah I just needed to get a bottle, but I am worried,” I said as I looked over at the kitchen window and saw Robbie talking to Helena, promising her false hopes.

“About what sweetie?”

“Robbie is inside talking to Helena,” I whispered and took a sip of my water, “And he looked like the same old Robbie standing there.”

“Really? I wouldn’t think Helena was his type,” he explained and I only laughed. He looked at me confuse.

“Anything that has two legs and a vagina is Robbie’s type.”

Helena.

I let my hips move slowly on the dance floor and felt his hands grasping my hips. I smiled and bite my tongue as I looked over my shoulder as his smiling face. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol or my hormones that were taking over, but something about the boy was driving me crazy. All my senses were alive when he was around, almost like I could do anything. And it had been a while since I felt that for any man. Gerard, in the beginning of our relationship would make me feel like this, but not anymore. Robbie was my new Gerard.

The music was moving faster and faster with each song, but nothing was going to break this moment. I was drunk off my ass, but it didn’t matter. I was having a high off these feelings that were running deep inside me; somewhere that I thought was dead. Robbie suddenly turned me around and crashed his lips against mine. My arms where smashed against his chest as his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I let the feeling surge through my body as I wrapped my hands around his neck and kiss back. He smiled against my lips and started to push me until my back was against the wall. He was kissing from my lips to my neck, biting and nibbling. It was driving me crazy as I held onto his waist.

“Helena!” I heard a stern voice and I looked over to my right. There was Holly standing in front of Frankie. I pushed Robbie off of me and smiled at them. Holly shook her head and pulled my arm.

“Hey, knock it off,” I hissed at her as she dragged me out of the living room and up the stairs, “Let go Holly.”

“You had too much to drink Helena, you need to get some sleep,” she told me and dragged me towards her room.

“No I was perfectly fine downstairs with Robbie,” I protested and pulled my arm away from her. She sighed and shook her head.

“You don’t even know who he is. Believe me you will thank me one day for saving you. Plus you wanted me to keep you from going crazy tonight, and this is me helping you!”

“Fuck you-“ I was about to say until I felt something vibrate in my pants. I looked confused and pulled out my phone. My heart sank as I read the name aloud, “Gerard.”

“Maybe you should let that go to voicemail Helena,” Holly said and tried to reach out for the phone. I pulled back and opened it; I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. I wanted him to know just how much he hurt me and how I was just making out with someone other than him.

“Gerard?”

”Hey Helena. How are you?” I heard him ask like we were old time friends. Well I wasn’t about to me any nicer to him.

“You know what Gerard? I am great! You wanna know why? I just kissed this gorgeous guy! I am done with you Gerard! Done! Do you hear-“ I was about to finish until I felt something in my throat, burning it. I looked around quickly until I saw the bathroom. I passed my phone over to Holly and took off running. I ran over towards the toilet and hung my head over the edge, pouring out the contents of my stomach into the bowl.

Holly.

I grabbed the phone and was afraid to talk into it. I hadn’t talk to Gerard since Frankie left the band and I had no idea what to say to him. I sighed and brought the phone up to my ear, “Helena? Helena, are you there?” I heard Gerard calling for her and I could even hear the hurt he was dealing with in his voice. I sighed and stared at the ground.

“Hey Gerard, its Holly,” I said.

”Holly? Where is Helena?” he asked.

“She’s drunk Gerard, she just ran to the bathroom. Listen I doubt she even meant anything she just said to you a minute ago,” I tried to convince him just to lighten the mood. I heard him sigh and I felt my heart go out to him.

”Did she kiss him?” he asked.

“Do you want me to lie to you Gerard?” I asked him fearing the truth will only break his heart even more.

”Holly!” he said sternly letting me know he wanted only the truth.

“Yes,” I whispered and the line went dead. I sighed and closed her phone. It hurt that I had to break the new to him, but he would have figured it out for himself. I put the phone in my pocket and walked to the bathroom where Helena was on her knees and leaning over the toilet. I kneeled down next to her and pulled the hair out of her face.

“I fucked up Holly. I lost everyone and now I am a complete bitch,” she moaned and cried as she rested her forehead against her arm. I reached out and hugged her as she cried.

“You didn’t lose everyone babes, you have me and Frankie. And your only drunk, you probably won’t remember this in the morning,” I tried to comfort her.

“But I broke his heart Holly. I broke Gerard’s heart,” she cried heard and laid her head on my lap. I felt bad for her, the pain she was feeling was something I never experienced nor wanted to. I push the hair out of her eyes as she cried her eyes out. I think it was the first time she was letting out the emotions she was holding inside and all I could do was stay on that cold floor with her.

Gerard.

”Yes.” was all I needed to hear from her. I slammed the phone shut and throw it against the wall. I was so angry that it didn’t matter if I broke it or not. I was so hurt and crushed that even if a boulder was to fall on my head, it wouldn’t matter to me. I had nothing to live for. I used to live for the music and for the fans, but once she entered my life she got me up in the morning. She was the one I quit drinking for, she was everything I evolved my life around. I walked out of the bus and to where everyone was eating. I just needed to get away, to forget her. My addiction to alcohol was growing stronger and stronger each day. But I couldn’t take it anymore; I needed it to make me feel whole again. I walked pasted the wondering eyes and headed straight to the cooler that I knew all too well.

“Gerard, I don’t think that is such a good idea,” I heard a new voice. I looked up and saw it was Matt Fazzi, who was currently taking Frankie’s place until the end of the tour.

“Fuck off Matt, you don’t even know me,” I told him and pulled the bottle out.

“Listen, I am only trying to help you man. You don’t look in good shape right now, and that will only make it worst. I heard what you have been through man, and its just not worth it,” he tried to tell me and for once, I listened. I was trying to be this different guy, and I had to start somewhere. I listened to him and stared at the bottle. I sighed and threw the bottle across the parking lot and hearing it hit the pavement. I felt my eyes water as I looked over at Matt.

“Thanks man, you don’t know how much you just help me there,” I patted his back and he nodded. I took off once again, but in a slower pace to the tour bus. I just needed to be in my own space right now, I needed to sleep off the night and everything that had to deal with her.