Beautiful Tragedy

I tugged one of the flight boxes into the venue and pushed it onto the smallish stage. Peering up towards the darkened ceiling, I wondered if there was some lights we could put on rather than trying to squint through the darkness.

I rolled my eyes before unclipping the clasps and pulling out the kick drum, leaving the now empty box discarded at the side of the stage and pulling the different parts together to assemble the drum kit. Humming to myself, I had a final check, making sure everything was all in the right place before jumping offstage and dragging the boxes with me, pushing them in the corner before walking out.

I'd gotten over what Gerard had said earlier, putting it down as the fact that I was getting closer than he wanted me to. He was trying to hide something, hide himself - yet it was only to me. I wanted to know why I was different, why I was the exception to the rule. When I'd asked him before, he didn't answer me, just kissed me.

Oh, but that kiss. The feel of his lips as he kissed me desperately, the adrenalin that coursed through my veins. The pure bliss that he liked me back, at least half as much as I liked him. The feeling of my arms around him, it was just so right. He fit, as cliché as it sounds, like a jigsaw piece. His head on my shoulder, even if it was brief, it made me want to hold onto him, protect him from the world and hide him from anything that could hurt him. I wanted to keep him in my arms, I wanted him to be mine forever.

But, why?
Why did he kiss and then leave?
What was so forbidden?

"Hey, sex-bomb!" Jim snapped me out of my thoughts as he flicked his short fringe out of his face, offering his arms out towards me as he walked.

"Jim, baby!" I grinned, and accepted his hug. Wrapping my arms around him, I closed my eyes and pretended it was Gerard I was hugging. As pathetic as it sounded, it made me feel better.

"Have you always been a commitment phobe, Bert, or are you just a man-whore?"

I didn't have to turn around to see who it was. I pulled a face at Jim, who laughed and waved at Gerard. The rest of the crew had gotten used to his digs at me; they weren't subtle jibes either, they would have to be blind not to notice them. But none of them knew why, they were just as clueless as I was. Of course I didn't tell them the real reason I wanted to know, only Beth knew that.

"I'm just saving myself for that special someone," I winked at him, a cheesy smile gracing my lips, "But until then, I'm a man-whore."

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes and walked past us. I noticed he'd lost weight, he was looking skinnier than before. Maybe it was just the t-shirt, or maybe he'd gone on some rockstar binge and gotten himself hooked on cocaine.

Gerard? Yeah, right.

"Unlike some of you, I actually have work to do." He carried on walking and stepped up onto the tourbus carefully. I smiled at his actions, and imagined to myself he had to fight the urge not to look back at me, one last, long, lingering look before he disappeared.

"Playing hard to get?" I mumbled out loud, before clasping my hand over my mouth in shock. I'd forgotten Jim was still standing behind me. If my words hadn't given me away, my actions sure had.

Buggary.

"What did you say?" Jim looked at me, in genuine confusion. So he hadn't heard me...

"I forgot to change my pants!" I whispered, trying to keep a straight face. I didn't need him to know I was joking, not now. I needed him to believe I was deadly serious.

"You're joking?" Jim spluttered, glancing over my shoulder. I forced myself not to look. Eager wasn't good; If it was him, that was.

"I'm not. I have to run, babe. I can't stand being dirty." I paused, cocking my head to one side, "Well, unless I'm being dirty with you."

I felt someone approaching us and I could sense they were close enough to hear what I'd just said, so before Jim had a chance to reply, I winked at him and walked off; wiggling my hips for good measure.