‹ Prequel: The Pros and Cons of Loving
The Pros and Cons of Growing Up
Part Twenty-Three
Eric’s POV
Three Days Later…
“Eric, I know what you’re doing!” Aiden shouted. “You’re going out to get fucking drunk and fucking high!”
“I am not!” I snapped, pulling on a hoodie.
“Then where in the fuck are you and James going?!”
“I am 19 mother fucking years old and for the last three months I have taken care of your ass. I can do whatever the hell I want!” I screamed.
Aiden stared at me, blinking, and then said, “You’re making a huge fucking mistake… you’re going to get addicted. I think you are already.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t need it, I just… like it.” I didn’t look at him but instead busied myself with zipping my hoodie up.
“Bullshit, Eric… y-you’re going to get hurt. I’m begging you to not go out tonight…. I’m begging you.”
“Well get over it. I’m going out tonight whether you like it or not. Don’t wait up.” I looked up at Aiden finally, who was looking at me miserably. His face had filled out again, but he was still very skinny… very sick looking. I looked away from him and walked out, slamming the door behind me.
“Hey.” James, who was waiting outside in his car with his girlfriend, called reaching back and unlocking my door. “Ready to have some fun?”
“Yeah. Hey, Sarah.” I said, climbing into the back seat.
“Hi, Eric.” She smiled as James drove off, the tires squealing beneath us. Sarah was a beautiful girl—blonde hair, blue eyes, large breasts. Exactly the type of girl I would have pictured James dating. They’d only dated a week and they’d already had sex, something I would have found repulsive a few months ago. Now I wasn’t all that thrilled about it, but I really didn’t care either.
I didn’t care about anything anymore.
Aiden’s POV
I heard Eric come into our room and stumble. It woke me up and I groaned as he turned on the light, giggling. It was three in the morning.
“Eric, turn it off.” I muttered, shielding my eyes.
He turned the light off, shut the door, and collapsed onto the bed next to me.
“You reek of alcohol and marijuana.” I moaned. “Go take a shower.”
“I don’t wanna take a shower. I wanna lay with you.” He threw his arm over me, laying his head on my chest. He then looked up at me—I could barely make out his face from the light outside. I could see enough to know his eyes were bloodshot. “Aiden… you’re so sexy.” He giggled quietly. “Like you are really fucking sexy. I never knew why you thought you were fat.”
“Eric, please… you smell awful. At least change your clothes.”
“Fine.” He stood up, stumbling towards our dresser.
I sat up, watching my husband struggling to undress himself. “Just bring the clothes here, honey. Come on.”
He walked back towards the bed, almost tripping over his shoe that was discarded on the floor. I slid his shirt off of him, pulling a huge night shirt over it. Then I pulled his pants and socks off, throwing them and the shirt aside.
“C’mon, babe. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”
“But I feel fine, Aiden. I feel amaaaaaaazing.” He protested, sitting up though I was trying to lay him down.
“Eric, baby… do you hate me?” I whispered, wondering why Eric was… high. Eric, the sweet man I married who had never touched even a cigarette. I knew he was under stress but he was a fucking mess… did he feel the need to escape from me that badly?
“No.” he shook his head quickly, and then he too sighed. “I’m just scared of who… who… who I’m b-becoming and… you’re the… the same.” He looked confused and I knew he was trying to remember what he’d even said.
I pressed my lips to his for a quick kiss. I couldn’t stand the alcohol on his breath.
“God, I’m sleepy.” Eric suddenly moaned. “But I’m hungry…”
“Your high is wearing off.” I whispered, remembering feeling the same way when I was younger after I would get high. “Now you just need to sleep and when you wake up, it’ll be better.”
“But I’m hungry.” He insisted, yawning. “And thirsty… food?”
I got up. “I’ll get you some crackers.” I said, heading towards the door.
By time I was halfway to it, Eric was out cold. I turned around, getting back into bed and lying next to him. He curled up to me, his lips curving upward in a smile.
“I love you.” I whispered, wrapping my arms around him. I knew our argument a few days in Bella’s room had really hurt him, but I did love him. I couldn’t stand to see him like this. I knew I told him he wouldn’t fit into my life doing drugs… but I had never meant it. I guess that’s why Dad tolerated Daddy drinking so much. Any time I looked at Eric I saw this problem, but I also saw the same boy I had fallen in love with. Maybe Eric just needed me now more than ever, and we’d get through this too.
The Next Morning…
Eric’s POV
The first thing I noticed when I woke up was it hurt to breathe. I sat up, looking around for Aiden. I couldn’t remember anything about last night, except for fighting with him.
And… had I left after that?
“Good morning.” I jumped, seeing Aiden in front of me. “I made you some waffles and brought you some orange juice. You’re gonna feel pretty shitty for a few hours so you’ll wanna stay in bed as much as you can. I told Dad you just had a cold, so they should leave you alone.”
I nodded slowly, feeling my head pounding. “What did I… do?” I asked slowly.
Aiden frowned slightly and said, “Last night at four you came home drunk and high on weed.”
My eyes widened. After last time, I’d promised myself I wouldn’t do pot. Especially after Aiden and my fight…
“Yeah, I’m not kidding. You still smell like it so before Dad comes in here I gotta get the sheets in the washer and find the Febreeze. He won’t go easy on you, nineteen years old or not.”
I just fell back against the pillows, grunting out random syllables in response. Then I sat up and looked at him. “Aren’t you going to yell at me?” I asked miserably.
“Not yet… I’ll wait till you feel better for that.” He said sweetly.
“Oh no.” I moaned. “Please now.”
“If I do it now, you’ll forget it in five minutes. Now eat up, honey.”
I felt the urge to vomit, but instead I took a bite of my waffles. Aiden was an excellent cook. In my opinion, he should be going to school to be a chef.
“Aiden, I’m sorry.” I looked up at him with what I hoped were adorable bright gray eyes. I pouted slightly.
“Not as sorry as you will be this time tonight.” Was all Aiden said in a cheerful voice before leaving the room, closing the door softly behind him.
I groaned, finishing off my waffles. When I was done I went into mine and Aiden’s bathroom, stripping down and climbing into the shower. The warm water made me feel better, made me able to think. I remember getting drunk, hanging out, getting high… then I came home.
How did I get high again?
I told myself I wouldn’t.
It’s not like it hurt me though, right? I’m here, I did nothing stupid. As far as hurting someone or sabotaging my marriage at least. I hope. Aiden doesn’t seem too mad.
After cleaning myself and washing my hair enough so that I knew the smell wouldn’t linger in my hair, I turned the water off and dried myself, pulling on some of Aiden’s pajama bottoms and one of his shirts. I headed downstairs and laid on the couch. No one was in the living room anyway, so I turned the tv on and began watching the news.
“And you heard right, folks. Stormy weather tonight. Stay inside if you can, because you do not want to be out driving in this on—.”
“No one cares.” I muttered, changing the station.
Aiden came into the room from the kitchen. “Hey.”
“Urgh.” I grunted.
He lay by me on the couch, sliding behind me so he could hold me.
“You’re just being nice now because you’re gonna be mean later.” I whined as he began to stroke my aching stomach.
“I know.” Was all he said. “But you know you deserve it.”
“So?” I whined. “Can’t we assume I know what you’re gonna say?”
He didn’t answer me and I sighed, turning the TV to a music station. There was nothing on so I sighed miserably, placing my hand over Aiden’s.
“Do you feel better?” he asked.
“No.” I answered truthfully.
“Well sleep some more.” He shrugged, still stroking my stomach.
“I’m hungry. Can you get me more food?” I asked, looking back at him.
He sighed and stood, climbing over me and going into the living room. He came back a few minutes later with a turkey and cheese sandwich.
I smiled and reached for it. He handed it to me, ruffling my hair. I knew in a few hours I’d be getting chewed out, so I cuddled up to him trying to be as cute as I could. “Aiden… I’m sorry for what I did.”
“Not as sorry as you’re gonna be later.” He said in a sing song voice.
I frowned. “You aren’t being fair.”
“How the hell am I not being fair? Do you not remember every conversation we had any time I got high before we dated? All the fucking pamphlets you had? Or the fight we had just three days ago?”
“Well you were 14. I’m 19.” I shrugged, then added guiltily, “And yes, I remember our talk…”
“Eric…. Goddamit, why are you doing this?”
“Why is your fucking hair dark, Aiden? Why are your eyes blue, Aiden? Do you know how annoying it is when you say my name like that. ‘Er-ic.’ Like I’m your mother fucking puppy and I pissed on your carpet!” I finally snapped. I didn’t even feel like myself, it was like I was watching our fight from the outside looking in.
Aiden sighed, shaking his head.
“You act like you’re my fucking boss. We’re married, you didn’t raise me. Unless you want me to start calling you mother.” I continued.
“You better get a reality check soon. You’re fucking up big time, Eric.”
“You made your mistakes. And a lot of them. So back off and let me make mine.” I said, staring him in the eyes.
He glared at me. “At least I make the effort to correct my mistakes. You know damn well you’re screwing up, yet you don’t care.”
“You’re right. I don’t care.” I said, though I did care.
Aiden shook his head. “I told you this was going to happen. You know what? I’m sorry that I went to New York and left you alone. I’m sorry that… that I’m sick. I’m sorry for all of this shit that has happened this entire year, but I cannot handle you making me feel guilty about stuff that I have no control over! If you really feel that my being sick is something to throw in my face to make your conscience feel better, Eric, you’re less the person than I thought you ever were.”
I swallowed, thinking through everything he had just said.
He was right. I did feel better earlier than I felt now. Now I felt like crying and hiring someone to murder me. Aiden turned and headed upstairs, sighing.
I sat on the couch, staring at the television without really seeing it. My cell phone which I had brought down with me vibrated. It was a text from James.
‘Wanna go out 2nite?’
‘Yeah. Pick me up around 6.’ I texted back, sighing. I was just going to go do the same thing as last night… but I couldn’t seem to bring myself to tell James no.
Aiden’s POV
I sat downstairs, watching TV. I wasn’t really watching it, I was trying not to vomit. Lately I had been really good about no longer throwing up. After Daddy had caught me, well let’s just say you’d quit too.
It was only when I was worried that I would feel vomit slowly working its way up my throat and into my mouth.
Where was Eric?
He’s been gone since 5:30 and I hadn’t heard from him since.
I sighed, looking at my watch. Two in the morning.
I heard someone coming down the stairs and jumped, turning and looking behind me.
“Why are you up, sweetie?” Dad asked me, coming farther down the stairs and looking tired.
“I… couldn’t sleep.” I answered, sighing.
“Is he still out?” Dad whispered.
I nodded, biting my lip.
“I’ll wait with you.” He came the rest of the way over to me and sat next to me. I laid on the couch, resting my head on his lap. He ran his fingers through my hair, quietly humming. I closed my eyes, wanting to sleep but knowing I couldn’t.
“Why’s he doing this to me?” I whispered, opening my eyes.
“He’s not doing it to you, you’re just getting hurt by it.” Dad whispered back.
“He knows I don’t want him this way…”
“He needs love right now. He’s in a weird place, especially with you being sick… getting over being sick. He’s experiencing shit in college with new friends… but he will be okay.”
“Yeah but will we be okay is the question? I hate thinking something is gonna happen but… I can’t shake it, Dad.” I sighed, but sat up when I heard a car pull into our driveway. “Dad, go. He’ll get upset if you see him like this.”
Dad sat up and nodded, going quietly upstairs.
Eric opened the door and his eyes fell on me. “What?” he said loudly.
“Shut up, people are sleeping.”
Eric glared at me, coming into the house. “What, can’t you sleep without me at your mother fucking side?”
I turned and stormed upstairs, wanting to strangle him. He followed soon after, pulling off his shirt. “Aiden?”
“What?” I snapped.
“I’m not sorry.” Was all he said before getting into bed.
“You should be! You should be fucking sorry for everything you’re doing!”
“Well I’m not.”
“Which makes you an immature brat!” I sneered.
“Just shut up and let me sleep.” Eric snapped.
We fell into an uncomfortable silence before Eric’s arms tentatively slid around my waste. He nuzzled up to me, stroking my stomach with his soft fingers.
“Please stop doing this to me.” I whispered into the darkness. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take, babe…”
He didn’t answer, only wrapped his arms tighter around me.
Three Days Later…
“Eric, I know what you’re doing!” Aiden shouted. “You’re going out to get fucking drunk and fucking high!”
“I am not!” I snapped, pulling on a hoodie.
“Then where in the fuck are you and James going?!”
“I am 19 mother fucking years old and for the last three months I have taken care of your ass. I can do whatever the hell I want!” I screamed.
Aiden stared at me, blinking, and then said, “You’re making a huge fucking mistake… you’re going to get addicted. I think you are already.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t need it, I just… like it.” I didn’t look at him but instead busied myself with zipping my hoodie up.
“Bullshit, Eric… y-you’re going to get hurt. I’m begging you to not go out tonight…. I’m begging you.”
“Well get over it. I’m going out tonight whether you like it or not. Don’t wait up.” I looked up at Aiden finally, who was looking at me miserably. His face had filled out again, but he was still very skinny… very sick looking. I looked away from him and walked out, slamming the door behind me.
“Hey.” James, who was waiting outside in his car with his girlfriend, called reaching back and unlocking my door. “Ready to have some fun?”
“Yeah. Hey, Sarah.” I said, climbing into the back seat.
“Hi, Eric.” She smiled as James drove off, the tires squealing beneath us. Sarah was a beautiful girl—blonde hair, blue eyes, large breasts. Exactly the type of girl I would have pictured James dating. They’d only dated a week and they’d already had sex, something I would have found repulsive a few months ago. Now I wasn’t all that thrilled about it, but I really didn’t care either.
I didn’t care about anything anymore.
Aiden’s POV
I heard Eric come into our room and stumble. It woke me up and I groaned as he turned on the light, giggling. It was three in the morning.
“Eric, turn it off.” I muttered, shielding my eyes.
He turned the light off, shut the door, and collapsed onto the bed next to me.
“You reek of alcohol and marijuana.” I moaned. “Go take a shower.”
“I don’t wanna take a shower. I wanna lay with you.” He threw his arm over me, laying his head on my chest. He then looked up at me—I could barely make out his face from the light outside. I could see enough to know his eyes were bloodshot. “Aiden… you’re so sexy.” He giggled quietly. “Like you are really fucking sexy. I never knew why you thought you were fat.”
“Eric, please… you smell awful. At least change your clothes.”
“Fine.” He stood up, stumbling towards our dresser.
I sat up, watching my husband struggling to undress himself. “Just bring the clothes here, honey. Come on.”
He walked back towards the bed, almost tripping over his shoe that was discarded on the floor. I slid his shirt off of him, pulling a huge night shirt over it. Then I pulled his pants and socks off, throwing them and the shirt aside.
“C’mon, babe. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”
“But I feel fine, Aiden. I feel amaaaaaaazing.” He protested, sitting up though I was trying to lay him down.
“Eric, baby… do you hate me?” I whispered, wondering why Eric was… high. Eric, the sweet man I married who had never touched even a cigarette. I knew he was under stress but he was a fucking mess… did he feel the need to escape from me that badly?
“No.” he shook his head quickly, and then he too sighed. “I’m just scared of who… who… who I’m b-becoming and… you’re the… the same.” He looked confused and I knew he was trying to remember what he’d even said.
I pressed my lips to his for a quick kiss. I couldn’t stand the alcohol on his breath.
“God, I’m sleepy.” Eric suddenly moaned. “But I’m hungry…”
“Your high is wearing off.” I whispered, remembering feeling the same way when I was younger after I would get high. “Now you just need to sleep and when you wake up, it’ll be better.”
“But I’m hungry.” He insisted, yawning. “And thirsty… food?”
I got up. “I’ll get you some crackers.” I said, heading towards the door.
By time I was halfway to it, Eric was out cold. I turned around, getting back into bed and lying next to him. He curled up to me, his lips curving upward in a smile.
“I love you.” I whispered, wrapping my arms around him. I knew our argument a few days in Bella’s room had really hurt him, but I did love him. I couldn’t stand to see him like this. I knew I told him he wouldn’t fit into my life doing drugs… but I had never meant it. I guess that’s why Dad tolerated Daddy drinking so much. Any time I looked at Eric I saw this problem, but I also saw the same boy I had fallen in love with. Maybe Eric just needed me now more than ever, and we’d get through this too.
The Next Morning…
Eric’s POV
The first thing I noticed when I woke up was it hurt to breathe. I sat up, looking around for Aiden. I couldn’t remember anything about last night, except for fighting with him.
And… had I left after that?
“Good morning.” I jumped, seeing Aiden in front of me. “I made you some waffles and brought you some orange juice. You’re gonna feel pretty shitty for a few hours so you’ll wanna stay in bed as much as you can. I told Dad you just had a cold, so they should leave you alone.”
I nodded slowly, feeling my head pounding. “What did I… do?” I asked slowly.
Aiden frowned slightly and said, “Last night at four you came home drunk and high on weed.”
My eyes widened. After last time, I’d promised myself I wouldn’t do pot. Especially after Aiden and my fight…
“Yeah, I’m not kidding. You still smell like it so before Dad comes in here I gotta get the sheets in the washer and find the Febreeze. He won’t go easy on you, nineteen years old or not.”
I just fell back against the pillows, grunting out random syllables in response. Then I sat up and looked at him. “Aren’t you going to yell at me?” I asked miserably.
“Not yet… I’ll wait till you feel better for that.” He said sweetly.
“Oh no.” I moaned. “Please now.”
“If I do it now, you’ll forget it in five minutes. Now eat up, honey.”
I felt the urge to vomit, but instead I took a bite of my waffles. Aiden was an excellent cook. In my opinion, he should be going to school to be a chef.
“Aiden, I’m sorry.” I looked up at him with what I hoped were adorable bright gray eyes. I pouted slightly.
“Not as sorry as you will be this time tonight.” Was all Aiden said in a cheerful voice before leaving the room, closing the door softly behind him.
I groaned, finishing off my waffles. When I was done I went into mine and Aiden’s bathroom, stripping down and climbing into the shower. The warm water made me feel better, made me able to think. I remember getting drunk, hanging out, getting high… then I came home.
How did I get high again?
I told myself I wouldn’t.
It’s not like it hurt me though, right? I’m here, I did nothing stupid. As far as hurting someone or sabotaging my marriage at least. I hope. Aiden doesn’t seem too mad.
After cleaning myself and washing my hair enough so that I knew the smell wouldn’t linger in my hair, I turned the water off and dried myself, pulling on some of Aiden’s pajama bottoms and one of his shirts. I headed downstairs and laid on the couch. No one was in the living room anyway, so I turned the tv on and began watching the news.
“And you heard right, folks. Stormy weather tonight. Stay inside if you can, because you do not want to be out driving in this on—.”
“No one cares.” I muttered, changing the station.
Aiden came into the room from the kitchen. “Hey.”
“Urgh.” I grunted.
He lay by me on the couch, sliding behind me so he could hold me.
“You’re just being nice now because you’re gonna be mean later.” I whined as he began to stroke my aching stomach.
“I know.” Was all he said. “But you know you deserve it.”
“So?” I whined. “Can’t we assume I know what you’re gonna say?”
He didn’t answer me and I sighed, turning the TV to a music station. There was nothing on so I sighed miserably, placing my hand over Aiden’s.
“Do you feel better?” he asked.
“No.” I answered truthfully.
“Well sleep some more.” He shrugged, still stroking my stomach.
“I’m hungry. Can you get me more food?” I asked, looking back at him.
He sighed and stood, climbing over me and going into the living room. He came back a few minutes later with a turkey and cheese sandwich.
I smiled and reached for it. He handed it to me, ruffling my hair. I knew in a few hours I’d be getting chewed out, so I cuddled up to him trying to be as cute as I could. “Aiden… I’m sorry for what I did.”
“Not as sorry as you’re gonna be later.” He said in a sing song voice.
I frowned. “You aren’t being fair.”
“How the hell am I not being fair? Do you not remember every conversation we had any time I got high before we dated? All the fucking pamphlets you had? Or the fight we had just three days ago?”
“Well you were 14. I’m 19.” I shrugged, then added guiltily, “And yes, I remember our talk…”
“Eric…. Goddamit, why are you doing this?”
“Why is your fucking hair dark, Aiden? Why are your eyes blue, Aiden? Do you know how annoying it is when you say my name like that. ‘Er-ic.’ Like I’m your mother fucking puppy and I pissed on your carpet!” I finally snapped. I didn’t even feel like myself, it was like I was watching our fight from the outside looking in.
Aiden sighed, shaking his head.
“You act like you’re my fucking boss. We’re married, you didn’t raise me. Unless you want me to start calling you mother.” I continued.
“You better get a reality check soon. You’re fucking up big time, Eric.”
“You made your mistakes. And a lot of them. So back off and let me make mine.” I said, staring him in the eyes.
He glared at me. “At least I make the effort to correct my mistakes. You know damn well you’re screwing up, yet you don’t care.”
“You’re right. I don’t care.” I said, though I did care.
Aiden shook his head. “I told you this was going to happen. You know what? I’m sorry that I went to New York and left you alone. I’m sorry that… that I’m sick. I’m sorry for all of this shit that has happened this entire year, but I cannot handle you making me feel guilty about stuff that I have no control over! If you really feel that my being sick is something to throw in my face to make your conscience feel better, Eric, you’re less the person than I thought you ever were.”
I swallowed, thinking through everything he had just said.
He was right. I did feel better earlier than I felt now. Now I felt like crying and hiring someone to murder me. Aiden turned and headed upstairs, sighing.
I sat on the couch, staring at the television without really seeing it. My cell phone which I had brought down with me vibrated. It was a text from James.
‘Wanna go out 2nite?’
‘Yeah. Pick me up around 6.’ I texted back, sighing. I was just going to go do the same thing as last night… but I couldn’t seem to bring myself to tell James no.
Aiden’s POV
I sat downstairs, watching TV. I wasn’t really watching it, I was trying not to vomit. Lately I had been really good about no longer throwing up. After Daddy had caught me, well let’s just say you’d quit too.
It was only when I was worried that I would feel vomit slowly working its way up my throat and into my mouth.
Where was Eric?
He’s been gone since 5:30 and I hadn’t heard from him since.
I sighed, looking at my watch. Two in the morning.
I heard someone coming down the stairs and jumped, turning and looking behind me.
“Why are you up, sweetie?” Dad asked me, coming farther down the stairs and looking tired.
“I… couldn’t sleep.” I answered, sighing.
“Is he still out?” Dad whispered.
I nodded, biting my lip.
“I’ll wait with you.” He came the rest of the way over to me and sat next to me. I laid on the couch, resting my head on his lap. He ran his fingers through my hair, quietly humming. I closed my eyes, wanting to sleep but knowing I couldn’t.
“Why’s he doing this to me?” I whispered, opening my eyes.
“He’s not doing it to you, you’re just getting hurt by it.” Dad whispered back.
“He knows I don’t want him this way…”
“He needs love right now. He’s in a weird place, especially with you being sick… getting over being sick. He’s experiencing shit in college with new friends… but he will be okay.”
“Yeah but will we be okay is the question? I hate thinking something is gonna happen but… I can’t shake it, Dad.” I sighed, but sat up when I heard a car pull into our driveway. “Dad, go. He’ll get upset if you see him like this.”
Dad sat up and nodded, going quietly upstairs.
Eric opened the door and his eyes fell on me. “What?” he said loudly.
“Shut up, people are sleeping.”
Eric glared at me, coming into the house. “What, can’t you sleep without me at your mother fucking side?”
I turned and stormed upstairs, wanting to strangle him. He followed soon after, pulling off his shirt. “Aiden?”
“What?” I snapped.
“I’m not sorry.” Was all he said before getting into bed.
“You should be! You should be fucking sorry for everything you’re doing!”
“Well I’m not.”
“Which makes you an immature brat!” I sneered.
“Just shut up and let me sleep.” Eric snapped.
We fell into an uncomfortable silence before Eric’s arms tentatively slid around my waste. He nuzzled up to me, stroking my stomach with his soft fingers.
“Please stop doing this to me.” I whispered into the darkness. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take, babe…”
He didn’t answer, only wrapped his arms tighter around me.