Distance

I was starting to really hate the way Danica always managed to leave me frustrated and shaking with anger. And the last time she had, I'd put myself into a hospital and totaled my car.

This time, I settled for grabbing one of Ollie's flowerpots that had been sitting innocently on the windowsill and throwing it against the wall with my good arm. It shattered into ten thousand pieces, spraying glass all over the kitchen.

And me.

"Ahhh fuck." I said quietly, looking around at the mess I'd just made.

Before I'd even moved, a soft whistle came from the doorway.

"Well, that settles that then." Jordan murmured as he closed the door behind him. "You'll never have to deal with anymore shit from that flowerpot again."
"Danica-"
"Yeah, she flounced out of here as I was driving up. If looks could kill-" He shrugged. "I'm guessing you broke it off with her?"

In the last twenty-four hours, I'd gotten to know Jordan well enough to recognize the uncertain tremble in his voice. The tremble that asked if I was going to send him away with a broken heart.

I smiled, crossed the room in two bounds and wrapped him in a bear hug. I heard the smile in his voice as he said, "Guess that answers my question."

Then he pried me off of him and sent me off in the direction of my room with a playful kick to my ass.

"Go to bed, Billie-boy."
"But...the glass..."
"I'll handle it, puppy. You need to get some rest."

I gave him a sly grin, one that he interpreted correctly. I might have imagined it, but I thought I saw him blush.

"I'll come up to say goodnight before I go."

I smiled at him and started up the stairs. When I got to the top, I turned around one last time, and what I saw made me smile.

Jordan was down on his hands and knees, picking up shards of glass with his hands and dropping them into the wastepaper basket beside him. It was probably going to take him all night, and I knew he'd refuse my help.

I had a fleeting worry about what Ollie would say, if she came home and found a strange boy in her kitchen, picking up pieces of a broken vase. But I knew Jordan would take care of himself.

And me.

***

I dreamed that I was in Danica's bedroom, in her bed. I could feel her lips on mine, hear the urgent gasps as we moved against each other. I could feel her hands on my back as she moaned, pulling me closer.

'God, harder, Billie, harder.'
'I don't want to hurt you!'
'You already have.'

And then the dream shifted, and we were on a rooftop. Danica was wearing the white nightgown I liked, and standing perfectly balanced on the edge. She turned to me with a smile.

'Come on, Billie. Come with me.'
'Where are we going?'
'To the stars.'

And I lunged forward, trying to pull her back. I caught her hand, and she looked down at me, smiling like a little girl.

'Bye, Billie.'

And her hand slipped from mine and she fell away, giggling as I screamed...

***

"Hey, hey! Billie!"

I was awake, I was home, and Jordan was perched on the end of my bed with worry in his eyes.

It was a dream. It was a dream. That's it. It was a dream.

But I couldn't shake the fear that was making my heart race.

"Are you alright, Billie?"
"Yeah...I'm fine..."

Jordan was sizing me up, and then his expression softened.

"I'd better get going, Bill. Your mom should be getting home."

Suddenly, I was terrified of the dark and sleeping alone again. I latched onto him.

"Stay, please. I've had friends over before. I-"
"I don't think the 'friends' clause applies to boyfriends, Billie-boy." Jordan said with a smile.

He was leaving, I was going to be alone again.

I was out of bed in a flash, the night air cold against my bare chest. Jordan sighed, looking at me.

"We don't need to do anything, Jordan. I just...I just don't want to sleep alone tonight."

I saw his resolve weakening.

"Please?" I begged.
"Oh...Alright, you little bastard, but I'll be gone before you wake up. I'm not trooping downstairs to be introduced to your dear old mum and give her a heart attack over morning coffee."

At this point, I'd take what I could get from him. And if that meant waiting to introduce him to Ollie, then fine. I slipped my hand into his.

"Okay. Deal."

***

Jordan kicked off his sneakers and removed his shirts. He folded them neatly, and set them on my dresser. He swiped twice at his eyeliner, scowling at his reflection in the mirror. I was mildly surprised that he didn't take out any of his peircings, and said so.

"I don't see any alcohol around here to clean them with, before I put them back on in the morning. And I'm not going to bumble around your house looking for it in the dark." He said with a smile.

He had a million tattoos. They were dark, elegant splotches against the white of skin, and I wanted to run my hands over them. I wanted to know everything about him.

As he slipped into bed, I was reminded of that night so many months ago when he'd laid beside me. Things had been different then.

His arms encircled me. I smiled, snuggling against him innocently. I felt him tense.

"What?" I asked.
"Nothing...just..."
"Just what?"
"I don't know if this is such a good idea, Bill..."
"Why wouldn't it be? We're fine, look, we're fine."

It was silent for a moment, and then I rolled over, and flipped on the radio. I didn't really remember when I'd owned any of The Cure albums, but apparently I did. I didn't recognize the song, but there was no misplacing the voice. I smiled, feeling Jordan relax against me. I was amazingly content, and felt myself drowsing off.

Before either of us could fall asleep, I reached up and kissed him.

His lips were soft. The kiss was sweet and tender, chaste almost. It wasn't harsh, nor demanding, and, for a few minutes, I forgot I needed to breathe. It was so nice, kissing him.

When we broke apart, he smiled lazily at me.

"I think I could love you, puppy." He said softly. I smiled, and laid my head against his chest.

His heart beat a steady melody, lulling me to sleep.