Friday, I'm In Love

Friday
“Get the fuck up.”

What?

I looked up into the face of my best friend and groaned. She didn’t seem amused.

“Get out of bed.”

I shook my head, rolling over to face the bedside cabinet. The catalogue of numbers read 5:48 am and I swear to God, I choked on my own saliva.

“What the fuck, Cass? It’s like… 6 am?”

She shrugged, “You’ve been in bed since midday yesterday!”

“It’s 6 am!” I repeated feebly, doing very little physically to protest to her as she practically dragged me to the communal bathroom.

“Get in the shower, you smell like shit.”

I frowned at her, “You’re such a bitch.”

She shrugged, slamming the door in my face at an astonishingly fast rate. She scares me.

I stared into the mirror. I couldn’t stop staring at myself, hating what I saw. The nerdy glasses, the limp hair, the sticks for arms. I just felt so horrible.

No wonder you prefer girls like Tiffany. Blonde, beautiful, bodacious girls like Tiffany.

I scowled at myself before I, begrudgingly, hauled myself into the shower.

The warm water soothed my body, washing away what dirt and grease remained on my skin after however long I had spent in bed. I scrubbed until I was pink and almost in pain. My mother had always scolded me for doing so, saying that it was unhealthy. She always had an opinion on something; always a way to reprimand me for thinking certain ways about certain things.

I sighed, stepping out of the shower, choking on my own spit in an embarrassing way. I looked around out of habit to see if anyone had seen my little display and felt relief wash over me when I remembered I was alone.

Cass already had my outfit laid out on my bed. I realised straight away it wasn’t my own clothes; it was very similar to the dress I had worn earlier that week except it was all white without a pattern and the torso was a lot tighter. I knew for a fact that Cass only wore it to impress people, as it made her chest area look impressive. I wondered how I’d look in comparison…

“I don’t think that really suits me, Cass…” I murmured yet she merely tutted at me and said nothing as she seemed busy rummaging through her make up bag as she sat cross legged on her bed.

“Isn’t it a little cold outside?” I shivered, looking out the window to see clouds of grey instead of the skies of blue seen throughout the week.

“Wear a jacket,” she said, throwing a pair of skin coloured tights at me.

She smiled and I immediately felt fear gripping me, “I’m gonna give you a make over.”

♣

I really didn’t want to sit with you at breakfast, but I had no choice. Cass always gets what she wants.

She knew nothing about what had happened yesterday, but I knew she could guess why I was suddenly so depressed. She’s got like… a sixth sense for these sorts of things. Cass always knows.

You and Gerard were already eating by the time we arrived. I placed myself by Gerard, as far away from you as possible. I could see a frown on Gee’s face, yet he said nothing. I hoped he would keep his mouth shut for the duration of breakfast. I didn’t count on it. From what I’ve seen, he’s always got a comment for everything…

I was glad Tiffany wasn’t with you, yet I was curious. If you were doing what I think you was doing last night, where was she? Shouldn’t she be snuggled up to your side by now? Shouldn’t you be sharing glances and sweet words? I’m really surprised… unless you didn’t do anything. Which I highly doubt, I mean, come on, she’s gorgeous and she so would, despite the fact she’s in love with your older brother.

Maybe Tiffany came to her senses; realised Gerard would never go for her and decided the younger Way was a much easier target. But I thought you were better than that.

“Are you okay, Phoebe? You seem awfully quiet,” Gerard asked, nudging me gently in the ribs. I caught you glaring at us and frowned. Why are you glaring at me?

I shrugged, “I’m fine.”

He rubbed my shoulder in what would have normally felt like a comforting gesture but just seemed pointless. I stared at my food and didn’t move my eyes for fear of making eye contact with you. It didn’t matter; I could feel your eyes on me.

“You look different today,” Gerard said, my neck snapped up and my eyes took a moment to focus on his face.

“Hmm?”

“You look different.”

I nodded, I’d already forgotten about Cass’ infamous make over. My hair was curly again and my eyes were lined with a very accurate amount of eyeliner. The dress didn’t look as good on me as it did on Cass. It didn’t look ‘sexy’, I looked like a child playing dress up, but it was still a nice dress.

“Cass gave me another make over,” I murmured and Cass smiled with pride as Frank high fived her. They really suited each other.

“You didn’t need to give her a make over,” you murmured and all eyes turned to you. You were looking down at your hands as you spoke and your ears had turned pink, “She was beautiful to begin with…”

He looked up when he said the last part and I actually felt my heart stop. I opened my mouth to say something but all that came out was a weird sort of ‘Nunghhhh!’ noise and by the time I had managed to formulate a sentence, you were already gone.

I blushed.

“Is Mikey on his Man Period?” murmured Gerard, rubbing my arm again in his ‘comforting’ way before looking to me, “I think you should go after him.”

“Why do I have to go?” I groaned, leaning into his shoulder lazily, only to be forced to my feet by Gerard and Cass, who tugged at my arms and pulled me into a standing position.

“Because you’re pretty much the reason he feels like shit.”

“What did I do?” I spluttered, almost angry at your stupidity, as they guided me out of the cafeteria in the direction you’d left in.

“You’re sort of messing with him, Phoebe! Mikey really likes you!” Cass cried, staring at me incredulously, “I can’t believe you haven’t noticed! He’s always staring at you, smiling at you. It’s obvious. He’s just too nervous to make his move.”

You like me…

“He really likes me…” I seemed dazed by this little revelation, so much so that my knees almost gave way and Cass and Gerard had to grip my arms even tighter. I noticed Frank walking slowly behind us, almost ambling. He’s so laidback.

“Yes, now go to him!” Cass urged, patting my shoulder, propelling me forwards as she did so, not to mention knocking the wind out of me.

“Th-thanks Cass,” I wheezed, sarcastically, holding my chest as I stumbled away from their small group.

I had no idea where you might be. I wandered blindly about the school grounds for quite a while. I passed the girl’s dormitories – yet I knew you wouldn’t be there – and found myself near the boy’s dormitories within minutes. I found you sitting by the fountain.

I wanted to stop and drink in your image. You’re a feast for the eyes and I’ve always thought so.

My rebel feet pulled me forward tentatively, stopping a few metres away as you looked up at me. You stood up and I waited, hoping you’d close the gulf between us. Too cowardly to do it myself.

You waited at the bottom steps and we stared at each other for what felt like hours. I could see Gerard and Cass as they rounded the corner. They stopped stock still when they saw us.

“Hey,” I said, my mouth was a desert. I swallowed hard.

“Hey.”

“Are you alright?” I asked.

You smiled weakly, “Not really.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Alone? Or will Gerard be joining us,” you gestured towards your sibling who turned and pulled Cass away from the scene.

Your eyes were lifeless as they stared into mine. I didn’t know what to say or how to respond to you. You were a brick wall.

“M-Mikey… I don’t know what you think but I assure you, there is nothing going on between me and Gerard.”

“Bullshit.”

My feet carried me forwards. I would break the wall down until I found you.

Actions speak louder than words.

I climbed onto the bottom step and measured myself against you. I stepped onto the second, compensating for the height difference.

“Why would I lie to you?” I said, gingerly pulling your face to mine and connecting us at the mouth. I was tossing away my first kiss and literally throwing myself at you.

And you did nothing.

I was scared. I ripped myself away from you, falling up the steps. I looked up at you, tears in my eyes, shaking my head in disbelief. Your eyes were wide.

“Oh God…”

“Phoebe -”

“You don’t even feel the same way!” I cried. I stood up, the skirt of my dress had ridden up around my thighs and I suddenly felt ashamed, “And you made such a damn fuss because you thought I was dating your brother?”

“N-no, Phoebe, it’s just – ”

“She doesn’t really want you, you know? She’s using you,” I blurted, words falling over themselves into each other as I attempted to make any sense.

“What are you talking about?”

“Tiffany. She’s in love with Gerard, by the way.”

You spluttered and frowned and I turned on my heel and ran.

♣

I had a free period. I sat in a corner of the library. Alone.

I didn’t even angle myself so I could see you or anything. I knew you were there though. And I was pretty sure you knew I was there as well.

I raked my fingers through my hair absentmindedly, cringing as I felt remnants of Cass’ incessant hair spraying that morning congealed in my hair. I must’ve looked a total mess.

I trained my eyes onto my book, but I’d somehow forgotten how to read. Or at least words didn’t work anymore. It was excruciating. My skin was tingling. How stupid had I been? Of course you didn’t feel anything for me. It’s fine. I mean it… it really is fine.

A chair scraped loudly in the distance.

My eyes blurred.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry.”

I look up at you, “You really have nothing to be sorry about.”

“No, I do,” you say, quietly, “Believe me. I’ve been an idiot, but Phoebe, what did you expect from me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Phoeb’s, we’ve known each other under a week. I never though… I didn’t think emotions would be involved… five days into our relationship.”

“I’ve known you for six years.”

You sighed, “I know, and I regret not noticing you until now. Then, I don’t know… I think it would be different…”

I nodded, looking away from you, “So… what does this mean for us… now…”

I saw you shrug from the corner of my eye and I sighed deeply, thinking about how stupid I’d been.

I felt your fingers on my chin and you tugged it upwards, gently, so I could look you in the eyes, “This happens now.”

And you kissed me on a Friday afternoon at the back of the library. And it was better than I could have ever imagined