With Arrows, With Poise

Gee's P.O.V

I sat up to see the bright sun shining in my room. I grunted and fell back down. I really didn't want to get up and face the world today. I sighed and turned over to face the wall.
"Gee?" Maria said softly.
I turned my head to face her. "Yeah?" I asked
She smiled and walked in my room, shutting the door. She sat the cup of coffee on my nightstand, then sat down next to me on the bed. "I read your E-mail"
I sat up and ran my hand through my hair. "Yeah.."
"What caused all this, do you know?" she asked me.
"Mom, I've been depressed lately." I said. "And, well, when I picked up the chance to have a buddy to do shit with.. I did.. and then when he left Warped Tour I was all by myself, even more depressed so I loaded shit into me so I could forget. And dad's death, well, that doesn't help" I bit down on my lip to stop from crying.
"It was hard on all of us, sweetheart. But there is always someone out there who can help you" she said. "Do you know anyone?"
"Gerard" I said "He knows exactly what I'm going through.."
"So he does. But if he's like you how is he going to help?" she asked.
"Yeah, you're right" I mumbled looking down.
"You will find someone perfect to talk to" she smiled standing up and handing me my coffee. I took a sip. "Always remember you have people who love you, Gee"
I smiled faintly and nodded. I took a sip of coffee and grunted as it burned the roof of my mouth. My hands shook badly from the lack of alcohol in my system, spilling the hot liquid over my hands, burning the skin. I bit my lip in rage, Maria still standing there, like she was waiting for me to throw it. Physically, I didn't have the power to do it, but mentally my mind was going insane, yelling at me to get heroine and alcohol in my system. It reminded me of my past, my dad screaming at every little thing I did. "AAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHH" I yelled gripping the handle. Maria quickly ran out the door and closed it just as I biffed the glass cup at the door, glass pieces and coffee flying everywhere. "FUCK YOU" I screamed at no one in particular. I had to go home and load it in to me, I had to. I couldn't go another second without it. I flung the covers off me and stood up. I grabbed the doorknob and flung the door open, walking down the stairs.
"Where are you going?" Maria asked as she stirred the pancake mix.
"I'll be back after" I mumbled, slipping on my black flats then leaving in my pj's. I walked down the street, taking the odd deep breath of country air. I stepped inside the building and walked down to my apartment, unlocking the door. I ran back into my room and hurriedly opened the bag of heroine. I sprinkled it on my nightstand, then snuffed it back. A couple snorts and I was smiling. I tied the bag back up and walked out into the kitchen. I looked out at the open doorway to see Jilly standing there. "Yeah?" I asked. She just shook her head and walked back into her apartment I mumbled shit to myself. I grabbed some money and walked up to the liquor store. I got a few extra bottles, paid and walked out. I twisted the top off one and took a drink, I decided to take a long walk by myself to my old middle school. I sighed as I walked along the basketball court and remembered the memories. I sat down on the shaded pavement and took another drink. I Lent my head back on the brick wall. I felt my phone ring, I grunted and picked it up.
"Hello?" I mumbled
"Hey, Gee, get back here we have to leave" Sam said
"to go where?" I sighed. I didn't really feel like standing up.
"We're meeting My Chem in New York."
"Fine" I grunted standing up. I hung up my phone and stumbled to my apartment to pack for another fucking tour. I walked in and threw all the clothes I had into my TMNT bag. I stuffed in my drugs and picked up my bag of alcohol. I walked out to the van and threw everything in the corner. I climbed in, I had the window seat. Sam hopped into the drivers seat.
"Y'all ready?" she asked, starting the ignition. Everyone nodded, putting their headphones in for the 15 hour drive to New York city.

15 hours later -------

"Gee" Jess nudged me. I grunted. "We're in New York".
I opened my eyes and watched her hop out of the van. I slowly made my way to the door and peeked out at the arena. This was big for me, the first time High Meaning Autopsy would ever play in an arena. I slid the van door shut, then took another drink. I watched as the girls carried their instruments into the arena while we waited for My Chemical Romance to show up. I walked in and looked at all the seats, and how big the floor space was. I shook my head and walked backstage with the girls. I watched Sam nervously tune her guitar, I smirked and walked over to her. I pecked her on the lips. "It'll be fine". She nodded as we heard the guys walk in. I felt a burst of nervousness run through me, I took another drink to wash it down. The bottle was getting annoying, so I looked around for some plastic cups. I found some and shakily poured the vodka into it, filling it to the rim. I sat the bottle down on the table and took a drink as the guys walked backstage. Gerard looked at me and smiled, he looked allot better now for some reason. I took another drink.
"Gee" he said walking over to me and pulling me into a hug. "I missed you so much"
I hugged him back, being careful not to spill any of my drink over him. "I missed you too, Ger"
He smiled as we parted. "How've you been?" he asked.
I swallowed hard. "I've been okay. You?"
"Excellent, thanks. I've totally cleaned up" he smiled "I feel so much better"
My heart sank, no more drinking buddy... looks like I'd be alone again, but I was happy that he felt better. "I'm happy for you, Gerard" I fake smiled, taking a sip.
"Yeah. But hey, I want you to meet our new drummer" he said, walking me over to him.
"Hi" he smiled, waving.
I waved. "Hello. Nice to meet you"
"This is Bob, Bob this is Gee" Gerard said, a little too late. I nodded as Gerard introduced Bob to the rest of the guys. I sighed and walked off to the bathroom to do get another high. I shut the door and locked it. I put some on the counter, then snuffed it back. I heard them fucking talking about me out there, it made me even more angry. I stopped and stuffed the bag into my pocket. I wiped of my nosed, then downed the rest of the liquor in my cup, I stumbled out for more. I watched as they all fell silent it annoyed me. I faced them, bottle in hand. "What the fuck are you looking at?" I screeched, no one answered. I grew in more rage and smashed the almost empty bottle over the corner of the wall "Fucking answer me!" I yelled. Gerard looked at everyone, then stood up and started to walk near me. I glared at him "Get the fuck away from me" I said, backing up.
"Gee, you can talk to me" Gerard said following me back.
I tripped over my foot and fell to the ground "NO" I yelled. "You don't care!"
He stuck his hand out for me to take. "Take my hand and I'll help you, don't take it and I wont" he said. I thought about everything and I thought about what I said to Mom. Gerard knows what I'm going through..... I repeated it over and over in my mind. I looked up at him, his hand still there. I grabbed it, and he pulled me up. "Good choice" he smiled, pulling me into a hug.
I walked out to face everybody. "Guys, I'm sorry" I said, I looked over at Bob "I know you didn't want to come here and see me freak out Bob, I'm really sorry for the way I acted"
"It's okay, Gee. I understand" he said.
I nodded. I was craving again... what I did was fucking not enough.. "I'll be right back" I said, turning around and walking back into the bathroom. I shut the door and put more on the counter. I heard the door click open, I jumped. I wasn't done!
"Gee.. are..." Gerard stopped and looked at me as I turned around. "What are you doing?" he asked.
I gulped "Nothing" He quirked his eyebrow, then stepped in closer "It's nothing Gerard, seriously.."
He gently shoved me to the side, then looked down at the bag and the remaining heroine on the counter in shock, he looked over at me. "Heroine?" he whispered "HEROINE?!" he yelled "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't any of you fucking tell me!" he screamed, walking out to face everyone. "Do you know how guilty I feel?!" he said, kicking the wall. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK" he yelled, as his voice faded down the hallway.
I shivered at the fear, then scooped up the remaining heroine and put it back into the bag. I stuffed it into my pocket, then walked out. "What way?" I asked, they all pointed down the hall, and that's the way I walked. I walked outside and looked on their bus. "Gerard?" I called out.
"What?" he mumbled from the back.
"Gerard, I love you. Talk to mmmeeeeeee" I said walking back and peeking into the bunks until I found him.
"Why didn't anyone tell me?" he asked.
I shrugged and knelt down beside him. "I don't fuckin' know, Rards. Ask 'em?"
He sighed. "Yeah, after I guess. But first, what's wrong with you?"
"What you mean?" I asked.
"Hard liquor, heroine, Gee, you're killing yourself" he said, sitting up. He patted the spot next to him, I stood up and crawled in."
"I dunno, Rards. I've been sad I guess" I said wishing I had more alcohol.
"Well, why?" he asked
"I dunno.. I guess my dad died... and my past.." I frowned, looking down.
"Aw, Gee" he said "I know how you feel. What about your past?" he asked.
I sighed. "Well, my real dad was abusive.. so I ran away... and met Chris, my fake dad... and I lived with him.. then got in HMA, then he died from cancer, now all I have left is Sam and my fake Mom" I said, choking up.
Gerard gently grabbed my hand. "You have me" he smiled "I'm always here for you and I'm going to help you through this"
"Thanks" I mumbled
"You know, Gee, I used to be really depressed like you, but I found one special way of dealing with it"
I looked up at him. "How?"
"I talked to someone" he said. "And I learned when you talk to someone, those feelings you have disappear and you slowly start to get better"
"So, you're saying I should, like, talk to you?" I said.
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying." he sighed "I brought you into this mess so I'm going to bring you out. But I'll need your cooperation"
I smirked. "I'll try"
"That's-a girl" he smiled, pulling me into a hug.
"Gerard, how did you cope with the death of your grandma?" I asked.
"Well, after I sobbed up, I talked to someone, wrote a song" he said
"I wrote a song about dad... " he nodded "But, I think I need to talk to someone"
He smiled. "You know I'm here, Gee"
I smiled weakly and began to tell Gerard everything. Mom was right, once you tell the right person everything it gets better.

Sam's P.O.V

I rubbed my head, then looked up at the guys. "I'm so sorry for that" I said
Mikey waved it off. "Don't worry about. We've had our share of that"
I sighed. "Well, I wanna have fun on this tour, not be worried about getting spazzed at, or jabbed with a broken bottle"
"She'll come around, Sam" Bob said from the other side of the room. "Just give her time"
I nodded. "Thanks, Bob"
"Anytime" he said, giving a little nod.
"So, the show starts in an hour" tee Jay said, everyone looked at her.
"Yeas, that it does" Ray said
"I'm so nervous. This is our first time in an arena" I said
Frank smiled "It's not that bad, actually. Just takes a little bit of getting used too"
"What if I play the wrong note?" Jilly asked.
Mikey looked at her. "You play bass, right?" he asked, adjusting his glasses. She nodded. "Come here" he said standing up "I wanna show you a really cool technique!" he smiled as she got up and walked away with him.
"Well than" I said, clapping my hands together.
"How're you?" Frank asked from beside me.
I looked at him and shrugged. "I'm alright"
He nodded and took a sip of his water. "Man, I'm pumped" he said.
"For what?" Bob asked
He shrugged. "Can't I just be pumped?"
"Not under my watch" he said, glaring at Frank.
"Fuck you, man" he chuckled, throwing the cap of his water at Bob's head, which bounced off.
He looked up at his forehead, then over at Frank. "Oh no you didn't" he said
"Oh yeas I did" he giggled as Bob stood up
"I'm ma kill you, man" he said grabbing the pillow off the couch and beating Frank with it.
Frank kept splashing his water on me and Bob. "STOP" he giggled. I chuckled to myself and stood up. "NO, SAM, HELP" he screamed. I shrugged and sat over by Toro.
"How're you?" I asked.
"I'm quite good, thank you. How are you?" he asked.
I nodded. "I'm alright"
He smiled and looked at my shirt. "Iron Maiden?" he said.
I looked down at it. "Yeah"
"I love them" he smiled, clapping his hands. "They're the fucking shit"
I gasped "No way! That's fucking awesome!"
"In fact, I have the same shirt only in boys!"
I nodded. "Fucking sweet, man"
"Well, this tour will be fun" he smirked "I have an Iron Maiden buddy"
"Hell yeah" I said looking over at Bob, still beating up Frank. "Don't you think he's hurt enough?" I asked.
Bob looked at me then stopped. "Yeah, you're right" he said, throwing the pillow on Frank, then sitting down next to him.
"You're a Weiner" he mumbled, sticking his tongue out at him.
"Next time you stick your tongue out at me it'll be shoved up your...."
"Hey, guys, we're back" Mikey said walking in and sitting down
"What were you guys doin'?" I asked
"Mikey showed me this really cool trick" Jilly smiled "I think it'll help tonight's performance"
I nodded. "Sounds cool to me."
"Is this your guys' first state tour?" Mikey asked.
"Pretty much. I mean, we did a few shows in Boston , New York and Jersey, but that's as far as we got" I said.
Mikey nodded. "So this will be new scenery to you girls, HM?" he asked
"Yeah, pretty much. We'll have to follow you guys so don't loose us unpurpose, or else" I glared pointing my finger at the three of them across the room.
"Or else what?" Mikey smirked.
"Or else I'll cut your manliness off"
Ray chuckled. "It's okay, Sam. I know how you feel.. I've been left at a few truck stops..." he said, nudging Mikey, who snickered.
Bob chuckled. "Are you serious, man?"
"Yes, I'm serious. I mean, you know it's bad when your own band leaves you at a truck stop and doesn't even realize"
I laughed. "What a sin, man. I'm sorry"
He shrugged. "Eh, it's done and over with. I look back at it and laugh"
I smiled. "That's hilarious"
Frank snickered. "Aha, you guys have to drive all night"
I glared at him. "Don't be such an asshole"
"We get to sleep" he smirked
Bob hit him with the pillow. "You heard the girl, Iero. Don't be an asshole"
"thank you, bob" I chuckled
He nodded. "Just doing my job, ma'am!"
I heard car doors slam and kids talking loudly. Nervousness shot through me. "I'm so scared" I said, getting up and looking out the window at the forming line
"You'll do fine, Sam" Frank smiled "Like I said, it just takes some getting used too"
I bit my nails and sat down. "I hope so"
"Hey, guys" Gerard smiled walking in with Gee. She looked at me and smiled.
"Hey, bro" Mikey said standing up,along with everyone else.
"You girls ready?" Ray asked as we walked towards the stage. I watched Gee take a quick drink before she left. I grabbed my guitar and looked over at Jilly.
"I'm so nervous" I said, shaking horrible
She looked at me and gripped her bass. "Me too"
"Me fucking three" Jess said
I bit down on my lip as we walked on stage. I took one glance out at the huge crowed, swallowed hard, then began to play. After the 1st song I loosened up, watching the kids mosh. I smiled as our second song began. I jumped around on stage, the lights flashing gave me more energy as I walked up to the mic and screamed along with our drunk singer.
"How're y'all doin' out Thur?" she asked as we finished up our 6th song. They screamed. "Excellent. Well, this is our first time playin in a huge ass mother fucking arena like this and I have to say Its fucking awesome!" she screamed, the crowed screamed in response. "This is our last song of tonight, we are , HIGH MEANING AUTOPSY and we hope you fucking enjoy My Chemical Romance!" they screamed. I smiled and played my guitar like crazy. I felt so good to jump around on stage and have crazy lights flashing. This was my dream.
I walked backstage and Frank handed me a towel. "Excellent performance" he smiled as I wiped my face off.
"Thanks" I smiled. I glanced in the bathroom to see Gee with her head stuck in the toilet, and Gerard patting her back. "You're so sweet, Gerard" I said out of the blue.
He looked at me and smirked. "First I'm a douche, now I'm Mr. Sweet guy?" he asked.
I smiled and took a sip of my water. "I'm sorry, Gerard.I judged you"
He helped Gee up, then walked out. "Yes, but I was a complete ass when I was fucked over" he said. "And I'm sorry for that"
I nodded. "At least you're helping her"
He looked back at me before walking on stage. "It's what I'm here for"

Jilly's P.O.V

I downed my water, then threw the bottle into the trash. "what an excellent show, girls" I smiled. "I had fun"
"So did I" Jess said. "I was a shit wreck at first but I mean, once I seen the kids jumping I was like "Hell yeah"
I chuckled. "Yeah, it was a little nerve wrecking at first"
"Yeah, but Frank was right" Sam said "You get used to it"
I nodded. "Where too next?" I asked.
"Uh, you know, I'm not sure" I said
"I know!" Tee Jay said, everyone looked at her. "Somewhere in the states" she smirked
I hit her arm. "You douche, I knew that"
She snickered, then drank water.
"I love you guys" Gee slurred
"I love you too, Gee"
"No, seriously, you guys mean so much to me. Like, I could marry you ALL and be SO happy" she giggled.
I nodded and looked around at everyone else. "I'm hungry"
"Me to" Sam said rubbing her stomach "Those fuckers better take us out for supper"
"Yeah, they better. Rich bastards" I said reaching in my pocket for my phone. "Hello?"
"Hey, Jilly-bean!" Aaron smiled. I looked at the girls, then got up and walked outside for some privacy.
"Hi, Aaron" I smiled.
"How're you?" he asked.
"I'm good. We're on tour with My Chemical Romance" I said.
"Wow, so soon?" he asked.
"Well, yeah, did you need me or something?" I asked.
"I need you everyday, Bean" he smiled "I just wanna see you again"
"Aw" I blushed. "Stop, you're so sweet"
"Excuse me" a voice said from behind me, I turned around to see kids piling out
"I'll call you back" I said, hanging up on Aaron. "Yes?" I asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry.. you didn't have to hangup..."
"Oh, don't worry about, Hun. How may I help you?" I asked
She smiled. "First, may I have your autograph? You guys really kicked ass out there"
I chuckled. "Certainly" I said signing her shirt and handing her the marker.
"Second, um, this is going to sound weird, but do you think you can hand this to Mikey for me? It's from my friend, Julie"
I nodded and took the envelope from her. "I mist defiantly can, Hun. I will be sure it gets to Mikey"
"Thank you so much" she smiled, and hugged me. I hugged her back. "You're so awesome" she said
"Thank you" I smiled
"I gotta go.. but it was an Honor talking to you" she said, turning around and walking away.
I smiled and called Aaron back. "Sorry" I said
"Fan?" he asked
"Yeah. I have to do a delivery to Mikey" I said, walking back into the arena.
He chuckled. "That's cool."
"Yeah" I said walking backstage to find Mikey.
"Well, I'll let you go. Call you tonight?" he asked
"Yes, tonight. I'll have more time to talk" I said
"Okay. Love you"
"Love you, too
"Bye"
I hung up and walked into the room with the others. "Here you are, Mikey" I said handing him the envelope
"Oh, thanks" he smiled "Who's it from?" he asked as he opened it.
"Julie" I said sitting next to him.
"Aw, a letter" he smiled and folded it back up. "I'll have to read it after"
I chuckled. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you don't want 7 sets of eyes reading your letter"
"You're right, I DON'T" he said. Everyone backed away and sat down. I watched Gerard shove a dounut in his face, I just stared at him.
"What?" he mumbled
"Can your mouth get any bigger?" I asked, Everyone snickered
He glared at me with colored sprinkles stuck to his face. I held back my laughter "What now?" he asked as a sprinkle fell off his face.
I bursted out in laughter and pointed at him. "Your face!" I laughed, trying to breath
"What about my..." he trailed off as he wiped his face. He looked down at the sprinkles on his hand then started to laugh.
"I think I peed my pants" I laughed, waddling to the bathroom. I calmed down as I washed my hands. Gerard actually wasn't that bad of a guy when he was sober. I walked out.
"Where to for supper?" Frank asked, standing up.
"Swiss Chalet?" Tee Jay suggested
"Yeah sure" everyone mumbled as they piled out of the arena.
"Want me to drive?" I asked Sam
She shrugged and walked around to the passengers side. "Yeah, sure"
I smiled and hopped into the drivers side. I buckled in and turned on the van, following My Chem's tour bus into Swiss Chalet. I unbuckled my seat belt and hopped out, walking in with everyone. The waiter came over and looked at us."We'll put two tables together" he smiled, showing us to the corner spot.
"COOL" Gee said, helping us push the tables together. "I like this" she giggled sitting next to Gerard and Sam.
I smiled at her. "And, what would you all like to drink?" he asked.
"Orange pop, please" I said. The waiter nodded and wrote it down. Everyone else was Coke and to my surprise, so was Gee. The waiter walked back over and handed us our pops as we decided what to get.
"It all looks so good!" Tee Jay said, licking her lips.
I nodded and scanned through the menu. "Yeah, it does" I decided I'd go with the chicken ceaser. Salads were always good. The waiter came back over and took our orders. It was busy so our food took a while to come. I enjoyed every bite and couldn't wait to do another show tomorrow with My Chem. Gerard changed for the better and I was proud of him.