The Good Life

The next two weeks went by phenomenally, the boys were doing great, we hit a lot of cities in the Midwest and were on our way back to California, stopping a few times on the way before we finished with all of the California shows.

Today, we were in Wyoming. We were in a rather large city and were parked outside the venue waiting for Mr. Paul to bring us the keys for our hotel rooms across the street. I was currently sitting on the bus schooling Kevin at Guitar Hero.

Mr. Paul walked onto the bus, “Here kids, you all are in room 328, third floor, we’re in 416, on the fourth floor, and we’re all meeting in the lobby at 6:00 to go to dinner.” We all jumped up and grabbed the bags we packed for the next couple days and ran for the door “Thanks dad!” We all screamed as we grabbed the keys and ran for the hotel.

We all piled in the room, “It’s 3:30, we need to all start showering so we can make it to dinner on time.” They all groaned so I stood, “Fiiine, I’ll go first.” I took my shower followed by Joe, then Nick, then Kevin. We all got dressed and walked down to the lobby to join everyone else for dinner. We went to Francesca’s, a semi-small Italian restaurant down the road, in the main part of town. We all ate and laughed with each other and talked about plans for the rest of the tour and such.

We finished dinner and got back to the hotel, and hour later Joe, Kevin, Nick and I laid on the beds, “This is SO boring.” Nick breathed out letting his head fall upside down off the bed. We laid there a while longer until Joe jumped up, “I have an idea.” We all stared at him, “We passed a club on the way to the restaurant…let’s go dance.” He said while jumping up on the bed. I looked over to Kevin, “I’m game.” He said with a shrug, “But Nick doesn’t turn 18 until next week.” I shook my head, “It’ll be okay, I mean he IS Nick Jonas, after all.” Nick shrugged, “Let’s do it.”

I jumped up and grabbed a slinky black bubble dress and my shiny black slip flop sandals that had a strap behind my ankle and ran into the bathroom to change. I took my hair out of the messy bun it was in and shook it out, pulled some mascara onto my eyelashes and walked out, “Let’s go.”

We got to the club, Loca’s, and got Nick in with no problem, the bouncer was too busy trying to look down my dress to even notice Nick. We got in and Nick and Kevin separated from Joe and I to find someone to dance with for the night, Joe grabbed my hand and pulled me close, “You, come with me.” He spoke loudly in my ear.” I smiled and he pulled me to the middle of the dance floor and we were pushed together by the mass of people that filled the small area. My back was pushed into his front and my arms were wrapped around his neck behind me, his chin set on my shoulder and his hands laid on the tops of my thighs. I rubbed myself against him to the beat of the music and I saw a girl with dark hair standing a few people away from me who had her eyes locked on Joe, I slightly turned my head to see that he was, surprisingly, staring back at her, she was running her hands up her body, it was disgusting. I turned my body and pushed my chest against his and his eyes locked on mine my hands rested on his shoulders and I drug them down his chest to his belt buckle and pulled him into me I moved myself down keeping myself pressed against him. His arms locked around my waist and I leaned back and let my fingertips graze the floor as he pulled me back up and let his lips brush against my neck. I leaned my head back, exposing more skin which he took full advantage of.

We continued dancing, it became hot and sticky after a while as the sweat collected on our bodies that were pressed so close together, I lifted my self up and brought my lips to his ear, “I’m going to the bathroom.” He nodded. “I’m going to try and find Nick or Kevin.” He pecked my lips before I turned and walked down the hallway to the bathrooms, I put my hair into a low side ponytail and splashed some cold water on my face wiping the excess make up off and going into the stall.

I finished in the bathroom and walked out and around the outskirts of the dance floor looking for Joe. I spotted Kevin leaned over a small high table talking with a red head, I looked at him and raised my eyebrows and looked at the girl, he shrugged, ‘Joe?’ I mouthed to him, he shrugged again and turned his attention back to the girl. I rolled my eyes and kept looking for Joe.

I finally saw the back of him on the dance floor and as I made my way around I saw that he was dancing with the girl from before, my jaw dropped and I was making my way to them with my eyes locked on the two of them, she was all over him and it was making me sick to my stomach, he looked slightly uncomfortable but he sure as hell wasn’t stopping her. I was almost to them and I reached my arm out to grab his shoulder when she brushed her lips against his, he moved his face away from hers but his hands stayed on her waist and she straddled his left leg, rubbing herself all over him and he wasn’t stopping her.

That hit a nerve; I lost it, “Joe!” I yelled he jumped back and looked over to me, I stared down the girl and she backed into the crowd and disappeared I could feel my eyes burning and I shook my head and turned from him, my heart was racing and my breathing was short. I pushed past people and tried to make my way to the door I heard him yelling my name behind me but I didn’t care, I was done.

I was heartbroken, I had done everything I could for him, I was in love with him and I did everything I could to make it work, I gave my whole self to him and he just threw it all away with one move. I felt someone grab my arm and I jerked my head around to see Joe. “Kayden, wait, it’s not what it looks like.” I let the fire burn in my eyes. “Not what it looks like? Joe I watched you, I was standing right there, you had plenty of time to walk away but you didn’t, now let me go.” He tightened his grip on my wrist, “Kayden, no, I made a mistake, okay, please.” I tried to get out of his grasp but he wouldn’t let go, “Joe. Not now.” I tried to get away but his hand was clasped around my hand, “Kayden.” He said sternly, I looked at him appalled, he tried to pull me to him and said, “Don’t do this.” He was reaching for my waist and I pushed him back, “Joe, you’re a fucking bastard, leave me alone.” I ripped my hand from his grasp and turned and walked out the door.

I made my way outside and ran my hands along the wall trying to keep my balance, something wasn’t right, I couldn’t control my breathing, I could feel my heart beat, it was slow and loud, my eyes were trying to roll in the back of my head I shut my eyes and leaned against the wall, I needed to get back to the hotel, I could hear Joe calling my name from down the street, I tried to make it to the street to hail a cab but my knees buckled and I collapsed into a heap on the ground, I didn’t know what was happening, I couldn’t focus on anything and I couldn’t breathe, I heard Joe’s calls getting louder and as much as I didn’t like him right now I needed his help and I found myself thinking he was the only one I wanted.

He slid onto the ground next to me and I grabbed for the shirt on his chest just to know he was there, “Kayden, oh my God, are you okay?” I was taking deep shallow breaths, and shook my head ‘no’ and in between my heavy breaths I managed to get out, “Help. Me.” I felt him pick me up, but I couldn’t move my body was limp, his hand gripped my much smaller one and my eyes stayed on his face, the only thing I could focus on and the next events came to me in short episodes.

I know we got in a cab and Joe held me in his lap and yelled at the cabbie to get to the nearest hospital.

I know he was rocking me back and forth telling me it would be okay and that he was sorry, that it was all his fault.

I know I was put on a stretcher and being wheeled through a ling hall with bright lights above me.

I know Joe stayed by my side the entire time.

I know they hooked me up to machines and took blood and poked me with needles.

I know I was moved to a room and everyone came to see me and talked to me, I looked at them and I wanted to talk back but I couldn’t make my mouth move.

I know Joe refused to leave my side and sat in a chair and laid his head on my thigh and stared at me and cried, he didn’t bawl his eyes out but there was a steady stream of tears falling down his face.

I know the next day my dad came.

I know the doctors talked to him, they whispered in the corner of the room, they kept showing him pamphlets and he was nodding a lot, but I could see something was wrong.

I know I finally shut my eyes and actually slept for a while

When I woke up I saw Joe lying in my lap, my hand twitched and I picked it up, I smiled to myself, I could move, I tried to adjust myself inconspicuously but his eyes snapped open. “Kayden?” He picked himself up and set himself on the bed propping himself up and looking down at me, tears filled his eyes, “Thank God you’re okay.” He stroked my cheek and I got a flashback from the club, and the girl, I shut my eyes and turned my head away from him. “Kayden?” he asked. I heard his voice crack as he spoke my name. I kept my eyes shut, “Joe, I love you, but it hurts, it hurts really bad.” He looked at me confused, “What hurts?” I picked up his hand and set it on my heart. “You hurt me.” The tears spilled from my eyes, “I know you love me and you know I love you, but it just hurts too bad right now.” He nodded, tears streaming down his face, and kissed my forehead and walked out.

Watching him walk away hurt me more than anything. But it’s something I had to do, I knew that we weren’t over forever but right now I was hurting and it was because of him. A few minutes later my dad came in with a doctor, “Hey baby.” My dad said. “Hi daddy.” I weakly smiled at him, he motioned towards the doctors, “He needs to talk with you.” I nodded and they pulled up chairs next to my bed. “Okay Kayden, I’m Doctor Hill, we’ve got your tests back and it seems you have a minor heart condition, it’s controllable but you were under extreme amounts of stress and very upset so your body wasn’t pumping enough blood to your heart and you went into shock, you were temporarily paralyzed so the blood could get to your heart.” I nodded, “So.” I asked. He looked at his clipboard, “So we’re going to prescribe you pill that if you take every day, you should be fine and it should stay under control.” I nodded and looked over at my dad and he was shaking his head, “Kayden, I think you should go back home and take it easy for a while, you’re under too much stress right now, the doctors said you can be out of here tonight.” He looked kind of scared of my reaction, “I think your right dad.” He looked relieved, “Really?” I nodded “Yeah, I need to rest, can you send the Jonas’ in and go to the bus and get my stuff?” He got up and kissed my forehead, “Yeah, sweetie.”

The Jonas’ came in, without Joe, they said they weren’t sure where he went, walking somewhere, I told them I was leaving and they all felt it was for the best, there was two weeks left in the tour and I didn’t need the extra stress. They all left and I was alone. I picked up a piece of paper and began to write,

Joe,

By now, I’m on my way home, I’m sorry I left without telling you bye but I can’t stay here, obviously my heart isn’t strong enough to handle all of this. I just want you to know that I love you, so much. But right now, I just need to be alone. This is really hard for me to do but I don’t think we need to talk until you get back. It’s the best thing for both of us, please don’t take this the wrong way, because I do love you, but I just need time to get over this and recover.

I hope you can understand;

I love you,

Kayden.

I cried the entire time I wrote the letter, I mean really cried, uncontrollable, I knew it was something I needed to do but it just hurt to actually go through with it.

My dad came back with my bags and I got dressed and walked out to tell all the Jonas’ bye, they were all sad to see me go and upset that Joe wasn’t there, no one was able to get a hold of him, I felt it was better, if I saw him, I knew it’d all be over there and I wouldn’t be able to leave.

As I told Kevin bye I slipped him the letter, “Give this to Joe?” I asked quietly. He nodded and kissed my forehead, “You know this is going to kill him?” I started crying again and nodded my head, “Yeah but it needs to be done.” He nodded and rubbed my back, “It’ll work out, don’t worry.” Nick came over and gave me a comforting hug, “You’re going to be alright, both of you.” He whispered in my ear. I pulled back and kissed his cheek, “Thanks Nick.”

Before I knew it my dad and I were walking onto the plane and shoving our things into the overhead compartments. When we were traveling down the runway I checked my phone, I had nine missed calls and a new text, all from Joe, I opened the text, ‘Kayden. No. Please don’t go, please. Don’t leave me.’ I quickly typed him a message back, and then shut my eyes to hold in the tears, this was going to be hard.

Joe’s P.O.V.

I walked around outside the hospital for a long time, I sat on a bench in the courtyard and thought about everything, I was so stupid, how could I ever look at another girl? I had the most perfect thing I could ever ask for already in my arms.

I jumped up and ran inside to her room, it was empty, I ran to the waiting room and saw my family gathering all their things. “Where is she?” I asked to no one in particular. No one would make eye contact with me, Kevin walked up to me and handed me a folded piece of paper he grabbed my shoulder and gave it a squeeze before turning and joining everyone else.

I opened the letter and read her words off the teardrop stained paper, half were from her the other half from me, I looked up at Kevin, “She’s gone?” I whispered. Kevin nodded and looked away and I dropped to my knees and tried calling her, I don’t know how many times I tried but I tried, then I sent her a text message, begging her not to leave. A few minutes later I heard my phone buzz and looked down at it, she had responded;

‘It’s too late Joe, I’m sorry.’

That day, I completely shut down, I still sang at shows, and put on a front in the interviews and in front of the cameras but other than that I didn’t do anything, I didn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t talk to anyone, I just wanted her, she’s the only one that could fix me.