I Can Feel the End Is Near

[Author’s Note: for all of you that are confused, yes, Bill is finally awake. Tara’s life is still kind of in a daze and she’s still going under the stress and depression that she went through when Bill was on his deathbed. The reason this hasn’t been written yet....this is the epilogue. I’ve been writing this story since May. This is such a big part of me. I don’t want to end the first fanfiction story I ever wrote, but I knew I’d have to some time or another. So here goes.]

About five months later we finally got the honeymoon we wanted-a few days to ourselves away from the city and away from our lives.

We went to a luxurious hotel. All the furniture was old and Victorian-looking. It had a nice feel to it, like a bed and breakfast. It was pretty expensive, and each room was a suite complete with hot tub and jetted tubs and two gorgeous, huge bedrooms.

I walked into our room and smiled. This place was huge, and it had grand vaulted ceilings. Everything looked so expensive, I was afraid to touch anything.

Bill, the little kid at heart, ran over to the huge bed with the four poster canopy and started jumping on it. He giggled and I joined him. It felt so good to let go, to forget everything and just relax.

Bill got tired so I pulled him down on the bed. I was still concerned about his health. I didn't want him to strain himself.

He wrapped his arms around me tightly and kissed my nose. "We're gonna have fun."

I nodded, smiling. It felt so good to be happy again, to have Bill.

"I saw some strawberries and chocolate," he smirked and gave me a quick peck on the lips.

I giggled. "We can get some real food first."

"Right, a nice romantic dinner. Just you and me and no babies and no band and no worries," he snuggled his face against my neck.

I took in the heavy scent of hairspray in his hair. I had thought I would never smell that again, even feel him hold me again.

"So what should we do after that?" I asked.

"Whatever you want my love," he smiled, looking right into my eyes.

"Well we could come back here and try the strawberries and chocolate," I mimicked his smirk. "And then maybe we could go in the hot tub and take a nice warm bath together," I said, heavily implying things, burying a hand in thick, dark hair.

He kissed my neck. "Then I'll kiss every inch of your beautiful skin," he said, kissing me again. "All I'll make love to you all night and sing to you and hold my beautiful angel."

"Sounds like a plan," I said, kissing his soft lips. I loved the taste of his kisses, and I'd just missed them so much.

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After some wonderful food, we went back to our room again.

The moon was casting an almost ominous gleam throughout the room, enough to light it once Bill opened the curtains above the beds. I turned on the cozy little fireplace and joined him on the bed.

He was sitting still, just looking at me intently with those beautiful eyes of his.

I brought my lips to his and kissed him long and slow. My desire for him was so strong. We hadn’t made love since before he’d laid on that hospital bed, lingering on the verge of life and death.

He started with gentle kisses against my shoulder, inching down the arms of my zip-up hoodie.

“I wanna touch you,” he muttered, his cool lips still against my warm skin.

I smiled and let out a small giggle. “That’s all you want, then?”

He pressed his forehead to mine, our noses touching gently. I looked into those beautiful brown eyes and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him down on top of me against the covers.

Bill lifted his head from mine and just looked into my eyes for a few moments. “You know, this is what love is.”

“What?” I buried a hand in that thick hair.

“It’s not sex, that’s something special for the married. And its not just tossing around the word love like its nothing,” he paused, his eyes suddenly glistened with tears. “The word love will never suffice for what I feel for you Tara, you know that, right?”

My eyes started to flood with tears as well. Bill had sure grown up…but he’d always be my Bill. “I…” my words were choked, really I didn’t know what to say.

His arms slid around my body and held me tightly. He rested his head against my shoulder, snuggling his face into my neck.

“You know I’d give you the world if I could. I’d move mountains to see you. I’d die if somehow we were separated,” he whispered and kissed my neck. His cheeks were wet with tears.

“Bill, I…”

“If you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything.”

I smiled and looked at him, into his chocolate eyes. “When you were gone, in that hospital bed…I can’t lie to you. Every day that came and went without you, my frustration built up. Baby, I wanted to kill myself it was so hard living without you.”

He was still crying, soft and quiet. "Well I'm glad you didn't. Otherwise I'd have nothing to wake up to. No beautiful girl to hold anymore, to kiss, or to love," he whispered. "And if I had died, our babies would have needed a mommy to look after them. Sometimes, even when you think all hope is gone, you just have to find some kind of silver lining, because things always turn out for the better."

A few tears poured down my face and I wrapped my arms around his back, holding him close to me. “I love you.”

He lifted his head from my neck and smiled. There were a few dark tears on his face because of the makeup. “I love you too, Tay,” he whispered.

We laid there for the longest time. He flipped us over so I laid on his chest, and I listened to the steady beating of his heart.

“It makes me think that you should do what you want, while you’re living, because you never know which day is your last,” I whispered, rubbing his chest.

He ran his hands through my hair and giggled. “I think you and I have lived that way forever. I have, at least. Regret nothing.”

I relaxed onto him again and let out a yawn.

“Bill?”

“Yes, my love?”

I looked up at him. “Do you think we…we could…”

He smirked. “Oh we’ve only been married for how long? Just say it! Let’s fuck, baby.”

I giggled and he roughly pinned me down to the bed, kissing from my throat to my neck down to my collarbone.

I moved my hands down his back and undid his belt and pulled down the top of his jeans.

He smirked and kissed me softly, moving his hand down my cami to undo my pants and slip them off.

We shared endless, passionate kisses. I could feel his cool hands touching my bare thighs and I tingled.

He brought his bare hips onto mine and laid upon me. His hip bones jutted against my skin in all the right places, getting me hot.

My hands wrapped into his beautiful hair as his lips left mine and he kissed down my neck to my chest, biting open the clasp on my bra. He looked up at me with a very animal look and I giggled.

Bill crawled back up to me and our foreheads touched. He grabbed my hips and kissed me again.

“Are you ready?” he whispered, always so tender and gentle with me, even after so long.

A tear fell down my face and I smiled wide. “Of course.”

Did I ever think this would happen again?

In my dreams of course. This could just be a dream as well.

But as I felt him inside of me, so slow and so soft, his hands exploring me like there was still something to me found, his lips sucking at my neck, vibrating with muffled sounds of pleasure, I knew. This was real, and it was so much better than a dream.

As both of us sighed in ecstasy the other’s name we fell into a tangled mess of limbs on the bed.

“Tay, it’s alright, stop crying,” Bill whispered, holding me close to him with shaky hands.

“I-I almost l-lost you,” I said crying and breathless.

“Shhhh,” he rubbed my back.

Our hearts were beating fast. I wrapped my arms around him and crying into his chest.

He continued to shush me and comfort me and after the last of the tears were gone he cuddled me under the covers, starting to sing so softly and sweetly the chorus to ‘Hilf Mir Fliegen.’ I couldn’t help but cry again.

So much pain, so many tears, he was back and I was still hurting.

“Gegen alles was die dich halt, Ich tausch sie heute Nacht…” I heard him sing, kissing my skin ever so lightly as I closed my eyes, drifting off into a beautiful night of sleep.

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Bill and I made love that night at least three more times. So wrought up with sexual tension and desire, it sure did help the pain.

“I’m going to help you,” he whispered, rubbing his hand gently along the frame of my body.

“I’d like some help,” I whispered and yawned, reaching my hands out to hold him. “You know I couldn’t loose you.”

“And I won’t leave you, never again,” he muttered, kissing the top of my head.

I laid there, thinking he was asleep. But I wasn’t so tired. It was almost five in the morning; the sun was just about to come up over the horizon.

“You know its over for now,” he whispered, startling me.

“What’s over?” I asked, still listening to the steady, healthy beat of his heart. It made me smile.

“The band.”

I froze. “What do you mean?”

“We’re taking a break. I’m going to be a dad, and I’m going to be a husband to you. Tom has a lot of work on his hands with Bea and Adelaide [ that’s their daughter or course :D ]. If our fans love us, they’ll wait patiently for us to raise our kids the way it should be…”

“Bill you can’t it would break my heart!”

He laughed. “Calm down beautiful. Its not like you have no connections with your favorite band,” he smirked. “I’ll be right here, by your side, every night. I’m going to be here, to live out my life with you. I want to see my babies grow up. I don’t want to be on a bus for the rest of my life. I want to fulfill what I’ve been neglecting.”

He got me, I was crying again. Both because I was glad he was doing this and I was devastated about a breakup.

“You’re such a fangirl,” he whispered into my neck, kissing me repeatedly. “We’re going to have a last show, we could fly fans in from around the world, as it is a special occasion.”

“Oh, where?”

I could feel his smile on my skin. “Your favorite place in the world, of course.”

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I felt Bea’s hand next to mine, shaking with excitement.

They let the two of us into the venue first.

She flashed me a big smile and I smiled back at her.

No more two-colored hair, it was all a beautiful dark red.

How much we’d grown and changed since being here last. How many years ago had it been? God, at least three, maybe more. I couldn’t keep track of my kids, how could I keep track of days?!

We got to the gate before everyone poured in. There were so many more people there. The whole venue was filled from side to side, it was crazy.

We got pushed against the rail and our hair got unstraightened in seconds.

“Gross, we’re all sweaty!” I giggled, reaching out to grab her hand.

They came on stage just a moment after the sun went down, and could have played till the sun went up.

I’d never seen Bill more energetic, and none of them ever played more amazingly.

We cried, we danced, we sang along.

How strange this was, I mean you have to admit. No one would have thought this would be the outcome of that night in Rome so very long ago.

Did you guess right? Nah, didn’t think you’d see all those other twists and turns.

Eventually, after all songs but one were played, they called me and Bea up to the stage to help them.

“Now, everyone, you know there’s only one song left. We’re going to have these two lovely young ladies sing it for us, and you can join in as well.

The guitar part started up and I looked at Bea. She was already sobbing. ‘This is really the end,’ she mouthed. I nodded and we began.

“You get out but somebody tells you where to. When you get there, every body’s telling you what to do. Thank you, its been another bloody Monday,” we sang as loud as we could, no matter how terrible and off-key it was. Bill was dancing around the stage like a nut. Shimmying, grinding with Tom, hell, that was hot.

“SCREAM! Till you feel it!” he stole the mic back for the last chorus and did a stage dive into a crowd of moshing fans.

Bea and I jammed out on stage until the end of the song.

“I’m Bill Kaulitz, we’re Tokio Hotel, and we just want to thank each and every one of you for the support, from the time so long ago we created this band up until today, a farewell concert for the best fans a band could ask for. Remember, if you hook up with someone at this venue, you might be stuck with them forever,” he wrapped an arm around me and kissed me. “You’ve been with us through the struggles, and you accepted the love of my life, no matter how much jealousy you had,” he laughed. “No, I’m joking! Each and every one of you have made this dream a reality.”

“Wait, before we go,” Tom said, stealing the mic, wiping the sweat from his face. “There’s something I need to do.”

He grabbed Bea’s hand. Oh God how I knew this was coming.

He knelt down on one knee and pulled out a tiny box. Bea started to cry.

Wait…weren’t they already engaged?

“Baby, I know we’re already engaged. But one, that ring ain’t big enough,” he smirked. “You need the best money can buy. And two, this time, we’re getting married, a big wedding, anywhere in the world you want it. Because I want to spend the rest of my playa life making love to you and only you.”

Bea was sobbing like a baby and let him slip the huge ring onto her finger and then ran into his arms.

I think everyone was crying that night.

“Before we leave, before we say goodbye, just one more song.”

The chords started up to one of my favorite songs. Bill’s arm was still around my waist, his sweaty body against mine.

“Die Wärme trägt uns bis in die Unendlichkeit
Alles treibt an uns vorbei
Im Mondlicht sind nur noch wir zwei

Die Unendlichkeit ist nicht mehr weit
Die Unendlichkeit ist jetzt nicht mehr weit

Die Nächste Ewigkeit ist an der Zeit
Für immer ist alles was und bleibt
Durch den Horizont am Himmel vorbei,” we all sang along.

“Danke, und auf wiedersehen!” Bill cried and blew a kiss to the crowd.

Everyone left the stage but Gustav, who was continuing the rest of the ending drum chords for as long as his little heart would hold out.

Wonderful cheers were heard from the crowd. “We love you Gustav! Keep going! This will never be over, even if they’re broken up.”

I smiled and Bill.

“He’s not going to give this up is he?” I asked, pouting.

Bill wiped the sweat off his brow. “Once he kept this up for five minutes on the Schrei tour. I think after that he’ll pass out.”

All of us-me and Bill, Tom and Bea, and Georg, all stood at the edge of the stage, watching these final moments.

I placed my hand in Bill’s and smiled.

Unendlichkeit.