I Never Wanted This Lifestyle for Her

---

Gerard’s---POV

“Frank, get the phone.” I mumbled as I was still buried under the covers somewhere in our bed.
“Hullo?” I heard him ask in a sleepy voice as I tried to go back to sleep.
“What happened?” He asked in a, now more alert voice, as I opened one eye to look at him.
“W-We’ll be there soon.” He stuttered quietly as he hung up the phone.
“Get dressed Gerard, JJ’s in the hospital.” He said solemnly as he started to get dressed already.
“What the hell is she doing back there AGAIN?” I asked as I hopped out of bed and started to get dressed as well.
“The school doesn’t know any information. All they said was that she collapsed during P.E, while running the mile.” He said, in a monotone voice and continued to get dressed.

I didn’t bother trying to figure it out, and got dressed myself.
We got into the car, and I decided to drive.
It was quiet all the way there until we waited in the waiting room.
I looked at some little kids coloring in some color books, and smiled.
I slipped my hand into his and asked him, “Doesn’t that remind you of JJ?”

He looked at the kids and smiled a bit, then nodded.

“I’m sure whatever this is Frank, it’s not that bad.” I tried to assure him, as he gave deep sigh.
“You never know Gerard. It could be anything.” He replied quietly as I had no response to that.

It truly could be anything, but who wants to think about those possibilities?

“Mr. Way, Mr. Iero?” A nurse stood with a clipboard, and asked the whole waiting room.
“Here.” I said lightly as Frank and I both stood up.
“You can come see her now. And, the doctor wants to run some questions by you.” She added as we followed her through some doors, and then a long hallway.

I glanced at Frank but he was staring at the ground.
When we stepped into her room, there was a male doctor holding a clipboard as well in a white lab coat type jacket.

“Hello Mr. Iero, and Mr. Way, have a seat.” He motioned us towards a small couch across the room as we went over and sat there.

JJ seemed to be sleeping as he was staring at his clipboard.

“How much have you been feeding your daughter?” He asked as Frank looked at me.
“We feed her as much as we can. We have no restrictions for when she can eat, or what she can eat.” I answered for both of us.
“But why is this relevant to anything?” Frank asked as the doctor was quiet for a moment.
“Has your daughter had any troubles with eating, or keeping the food down?” He asked another question as I started to get irritated.
“Not that we know of.” I said through gritted teeth.

I felt Frank’s hand on my shoulder, and I relaxed some.

“What happened to her?” I finally asked as there was a moment of silence.
“Your daughter suffered from the lack of food. From the blood tests, she hasn’t had sufficient nutrients for at least a week. We have enough information to suspect that your daughter may be anorexic.” He said as my jaw literally dropped.
“A-anorexic?” I stuttered as he gave a half smile and nodded slightly.
“But there are many people and resources that can help her. For now we are going to see if she’s willing to get better or not, and see what you want in the end.” He said calmly as I nodded slowly.

My jaw was still open.
He used that half smile and walked out of the room.

“How?” Frank asked quietly, to no one in particular.
“I don’t know.” I answered back just as quietly as he laid his head on my shoulder.
“This isn’t fair Gerard. She’s been in this place too many times to count. I just want her to be home with us. To be okay with herself, and to never listen to anyone’s shit. Why can’t we be normal too? Just cause we’re in a band, and gay, and have already been through enough shit ourselves, doesn’t mean we can’t be happy too, right?" He asked on the brink of tears.

He was right.
Somehow whenever we’re happy, or actually getting to the point of being normal, we drop all the way back down, and start at the bottom again.
But does that mean we should give up at trying to be happy?
Does it mean that we were never meant to be a happy, normal family?
Gah, who knows anymore.
All I know is that I’m not going to give up.
Even if that means I’ll have to be dead before we are normal.
I’ll try for the rest of my life.

“Keep the faith babe. That’s all we can do for now. I promise you things will get better. They always do, don’t they?” I asked him as he as now cuddled into my chest.

“I suppose so.” He said quietly as I stroked his hair back and kissed his forehead.
I looked at JJ on the bed still, and her green eyes were peering at me.

JJ’s---POV.

What the hell happened?
One minute I was fine, and the next I can’t breath and I’m laying on the ground.

“A-anorexic?” I heard Gerard’s voice ask before I heard a random voice answer before my hearing went out.

It suddenly came back, and I could hear Frank quietly talking to someone.
I decided to try and open my eyes.
I saw five lights circling around before I actually could see clearly.
I looked around, and could tell exactly where I was.
Why the hell did I always end up here?
I looked around for Frank and Gerard, and they were snuggled up to each other on some chairs, quietly talking.
I just stared at them, waiting for them to either notice me, or to fall back asleep.
When I was just about to shut my eyes Gerard glanced at me, so I kept them open.
He stared at me for a good minute before we said, or did anything.

“Why?” Was the first word out of his mouth.
I swallowed non-existent saliva and said, “Why what?”
“Why would you do this to yourself?” He asked, without changing his expression, or his tone.
“I-I don’t know what your talking about.” I stuttered, even though I knew exactly what he was talking about.

Frank turned around and his blotchy-face with tears everywhere made me feel horrible.
His eyes looked like they didn’t have any life in them whatsoever.
They reminded me of my mother’s.

“I’m sorry.” I croaked out as tears stung my eyes.

How could I do this to them?
Who gives a shit about my happiness, what about theirs?
I thought I was going to make everything better, and it seems as if I’ve made it all worse, yet again.

“I’m really sorry.” I repeated as hot tears rolled off my chin.

I gripped at my bed sheets, picking at the cloth’s strings out of nervousness, and embarrassment.
We sat there in silence for a moment as I continued picking at the strings.

“You need help.” Frank told me as I wiped at my eyes.
I laughed sarcastically and said, “Ya think?”

Of course I needed it, before any of this started.

“What do you want us to do?” Gerard asked me as they both moved their chairs closer to me.

It made me self-conscious, but I didn’t say anything about it.

“I want you to be there for me. And I don’t want you to give up on me. That’s all I ask of you.” I said quietly as they both just nodded.
“I don’t want to send you away, but then again, I don’t know what’s right for you, or what to do.” Gerard spoke up, as it seemed as if Frank could not.
“I just want to see someone once a week, isn’t that good enough?” I asked.
“That’s a start.” Someone said from the door.

It was the doctor, and he smiled at me warmly.

“Are you saying I have to do more than that?” I asked him, as he slowly walked to the foot of my bed.
“There is different paths, and steps we can take here. We just have to make sure you get the right treatment. First, I do want you to see a therapist every week. A nutritionist every two weeks. And go to group therapy every week, if possible.” He said as he wrote down something on his clipboard.
“No one has to know about any of this Ms. Iero-Way unless you tell them.” He said as he handed Gerard a piece of paper.

We were left momentarily until a nurse returned instead.

She handed me my regular clothes and said, “Courtesy of a Mr. Mason.”

I smiled and thanked her.
We were soon left in quiet, yet again, and it felt awkward.
Was I really going to get over this? I got up, and went to the bathroom to get dressed.
Neither Gerard or Frank looked at me, or said anything to each other.
When I shut the door, I felt tears slip down my cheeks.
I really fucked up this time.

Frank’s---POV

Back at home, it seemed as if nothing really happened.
Other than the fact that Friday she was back at school.
I worried about her, certainly today, with those kids knowing she passed out.
Maybe they don’t know why, but I hope they don’t bug her today.
Especially with her first day of group therapy after school today.

“Frank!” Gerard called up the stairs as I heard the front door slam.

He went out to buy more groceries.

“Frankie.” He said as I heard him stomp up the stairs.

I was still laying in bed.

“Frankieee.” He said quietly as he took his coat off.
“Mm.” I murmured as he took of his pants, with his boxers still in tact.

I smiled lazily as he unbuttoned his shirt, and climbed in bed with me.

“Did you put the groceries away?” I asked him as he smiled and shook his head.
“Do you really think I’d bother with that?” He asked me as he wrapped his cold arms around my waist.
“You, you should bother with that.” I murmured quietly as he scoffed in my neck.

“Daddd.” I heard JJ yell up the stairs just like Gerard previously had.
“Someone has to take me to group therapy.” She said quietly as she stood at our door.

Gerard sighed deeply and loudly as she tapped her fingers on the door impatiently.

“Or I could just not go..” She trailed off and started to walk away.
Gerard and I shot up and said in unison, “No!”

I was the first to climb out of bed and start to get dressed.
She laughed and walked back downstairs.
Once Gerard had let me go and drop her off at her first session, we were on our way.
We were listening to MakeDamnSure by Taking Back Sunday as I was taking the right turns to get to the teen help center.

“I just wanna bring you down so badly in the worst way..” JJ and I mouthed the words to the end of the chorus.

We both noticed this, and chuckled at ourselves.
As I pulled up next to the teen help center, I turned off the car, and JJ and I sat there or a minute or two in silence.
We both began to talk at the same time, and then laughed at ourselves yet again.

“Dad, I’m really…Really sorry. I just wanted to tell you that.” She said quietly.

I gave a small smile.

“It’s okay. We’re okay. And your going to be okay.” I reminded her, and mostly myself.

She nodded, kissed my cheek, told me she would call me, then left.
I drove back home, to teach that Gerard a lesson or leaving the groceries out..