Secrets Never Last

The broken green eyes that stared back at me looked so lost it made my heart ache.

I looked away from the mirror in disgust and confusion to why I was feeling this way. Why I couldn’t just go through life without feeling like a piece of shit is beyond me. I mean, not everyone feels this way and it’s not like I have an awful life. It’s regular really.

Normal house. Parents still married. Good friends. Good school. Average grades. Nothing special really. Maybe I’m just selfish and want something bigger than the life I have. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I hope that gap in my life fills soon because I just feel as if I’m reaching for something - yet I’m being held back by an invisible force. Sucks right?

I sit on my bed and turn the laptop on, looking for the remote to the iPod dock. Why is it that nothing is left where I leave it! So frustrating!

‘Liiiiiizzy!!!!’

I wait for a reply as I impatiently bite my nails.

‘LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!’ I scream as I wait for her reply – once again.

‘What?! I’m busy!’ she calls back with such attitude. I swear – she acts younger than me and seeing as she is 19 years old you’d expect more from her. Not me though – no I’m used to this.

‘Come here!!!!!!!!’ I call back – I know as soon as she comes in her face is going to be pissed and when she finds out all I want is to know where the remote was left she will freak out.

Oh the excitement.

I hear her mumbling swear words as she walks up the stairs in a stroppy pace. The door opens and I swear – if looks could kill I’d be 15ft in the ground by now.

‘Erm, well I was looking for the remote for the dock and I remember you used it last… Sooooooo where is the remote?’ I say as slowly as possible, I want each word to sink in.

Her face slowly becomes red as the doorbell rang and she was distracted.

‘You… Are so fucking lucky’ she growls as she walks out of my room. I have a small grin on my face as I place my full attention on the laptop and open up facebook to look at the latest updates. I can deal without music.

There is a muffled conversation downstairs and I realise my sister’s friend Emma has turned up. I moan in agony as I realise she will be staying tonight and she bugs me… Really bugs me.

Sure she is good looking and all, but she just has this attitude which really pisses me off. It’s like she thinks she can do whatever she wants – whenever she wants. And to me, I don’t find anything so unattractive.

It’s not my fault if I’m picky with the women I choose. I like a good looking girl who is independent and loving. She just doesn’t come close – even though those blue eyes are gorgeous.

Damn her.