Secrets Never Last

'So like, I hear your out and everything' Emma presses as she questions Joanne, just to piss her off of course.

‘What is it you? I mean it’s not like you’d ever have a chance with me so why are you talking to me?’ I taunt back, I like to make things up and annoy her – Just because I can.

‘Ha, don’t worry sweety. I wouldn’t go near you with a 10 ft pole, you’re far too… inexperienced for my liking’ She replies with a wink.

Lizzy walks in with a bowl of crisps, she stops in her tracks with a confused look on her face as she looks from Emma to me and then back again.

‘Everything okay?’ she asks.

‘Splendid’ Emma replies, ‘Its time you went to bed now isn’t it? I mean you have school in the morning.’

‘I was leaving anyway’ I reply with a glare.

Damn she makes me look so stupid. I don’t know why but my head goes blank every time I try and argue with her, usually I’m amazing at comebacks but with her – she makes me look like a fool.

I wake in the night with a jolt in my sleep. I hate it when that happens. It’s like electric shoots through you in your dream. Creepy.

I sit up in my bed and feel a dry and crispy feeling in my throat. Water – I need water now.

I walk down the stairs to the kitchen and pour myself a glass. Looking outside I see the moon is full and sit to watch it for a while. Shuffling behind me distracts my concentration as I peer to see what disturbed me.

Leaning against the door frame Emma smirks at me.

‘Up so late? Did you get a scary nightmare’ she taunts.

I simply ignore her and turn back to the window and gaze at the moon once again. I hear a chair move and notice she has come and sit next to me at the table.

‘So… What’s up?’ she asks, surprisingly normally.

I turn my head and look at her with a look which screams ‘who the hell are you’. She quietly laughs under her throat and answers,

‘I can be normal also, you know?’

‘Huh…’ is all I can come out with as we both turn our heads in direction of the view. It was nice for a couple of minutes. Just the quiet surrounding us, yet we weren’t alone. Relaxing thought.

‘So you like these kinda views, eh?’ she whispers

I simply nod and keep my attention on the window, a bit nervous because I’m not sure what was happening exactly. Was this Emma – being nice? Or civil? Just a scary thought to be honest.

Emma grabs the glass of water from my hand and places it on the table, she pulls me up by my hand and looks at me with reassuring eyes.

‘Follow me, if you like this then you’ll love what I have to show you’ she smiles with a wink.

My stomach suddenly got all… weird. It just decided to go all gooey and… no – I couldn’t have. I think I just got butterflies – because of Emma.

I was too shocked to say anything as she pulled me out of the front door. Luckily the place where I live has a nice smooth road which is easy to walk on in bare feet. However after a minute or two of walking on that road, she pulled me into some bushes which led to a small path.

‘Sorry, I forgot about the shoes, lets just be careful walking.’ She called back to me

Another five minutes passed and we were still walking through a bush. That’s the best way I could describe it. It was just one big bush where you had to crouch and hop over things constantly. It was bloody annoying if you asked me.

Emma let go of my hand and I have to admit, I wanted her hand back. It was warm and … Comforting. I mentally sighed.

She pulled back this branch of leaves which uncovered a small patch of grass with a clear view to look upwards – where the moon sat shining over us.

I breathed in the fresh air and closed my eyes, smiling. This place was amazing.

‘Beautiful isn’t it?’ she whispered looking at me. I opened my eyes and stared back at her with this little smirk on my face.

‘Amazing’ I replied keeping eye contact. Unfortunately she broke it, lying on the grass gazing up at the sky – I followed suit.

‘I come here sometimes, it’s nice to just relax and get away from reality. When I saw you tonight I thought you could really do with it.’ She spoke with a smile, turning her head and looking at me.

I looked over at her and saw her smile had gone. We just gazed at each other for about a minute or so.

She had beautiful eyes.

‘Thank you’ she spoke.

‘What? Di- Did I just say that out loud…. Shit…’ I whisper. She giggles and looks upwards breathing deeply.

I didn’t understand what she was doing. She knew I was gay, she knew I didn’t like her… Well I assumed she knew that because we were always horrible to each other. Maybe this is her saying she didn’t mean it and… we could be friends? No, that’s stupid. We can’t be friends, it just wouldn’t be right.

I sigh out loud. My mind just won’t stop thinking about this… I need answers.

‘What’s wrong, Jo’ she says to me.

‘Why did you bring me here, why are you being nice… and ….’ I can’t say it – why do I feel like this? – She would freak out if she knew what I was thinking, ‘nothing’ I finish with.

‘Honestly? I haven’t a clue. You just seemed like you could do with a friend… well something like it – plus, I like you – you’re cute. I know its weird that I am mean to you but its how I deal’

I sit up – I didn’t know how to react. All of a sudden I feel a hand on my back and I freak out.

‘Stop it! Just stop it okay!! You don’t like me, you hate me! You don’t want to do this – why are you doing this!?!!’ I cry at her as I stand up backing away.

Her reactions are fast and she follows me fast trying to calm me. Her hands go around my wrists as she brings my hands down and pulls me into a hug.

‘I’m sorry I confused you, I just don’t know how to react to liking … a girl. I mean you’re just… so cute and I love how you act and how you’re such a peaceful person. You have the greatest friends and you don’t overdo anything, you enjoy time on your own and you’re just.… A great person basically. It doesn’t help that you’re beautiful as well’ she whispers with a smirk.

I pull back to look at her face. I need to know if she is telling me the truth because right now my stomach was a washing machine, it was going crazy. I looked into her eyes and saw passion. She was telling the truth? How could she– It just doesn’t make sense.

As my thoughts proceed onto more complicated questions about what the hell was going on, she kissed my cheek. That’s right. My cheek.

Then she gave me a wink and started walking away. I followed suit and kept at her pace the entire time wondering what the hell she was doing. We got back to the house and ended up back in the kitchen. She stopped in her path and turned towards me. Her hand lifted and rested on my cheek. My head leaned onto her loving her touch. My eyes closed as I breathed in her scent. But the hand slipped away and I opened my eyes to see her walk away from me with a smile on her face. Not a smirk. Not a cheeky grin. A genuine smile.

And I loved it.