Stain My Rose With Scarlet Tears

Sam’s POV

“We’ll be back in an hour or two.” Simone promised as they waved at us from the front door. Gordon, Simone, Lucy and Charlie were all standing outside our front door, Charlie on Gordon’s right hip and Simone holding Lucy’s hand as they prepared to walk down to Gordon’s car. They had promised their grandchildren to take them to the zoo today, and by the looks of it, they were just as excited as the kids were. I nodded, an amused smile playing on my lips, unable to hide it. “Okay, I hope you guys have fun.” Bill said from behind me, waving at them slightly. Gordon laughed loudly.
“Oh trust me,” Gordon said, more to Bill, “Your mother will have fun as long as she has my wallet with her.”

His wife faked a gasp, but laughed anyway. I shook my head, laughing too. After that, they all waved at us as they started walking to the parking lot. I giggled slightly as I watched them, turning around to close the door. Bill was standing right behind me, so as I walked away, I nearly bumped into him. Taking a step back, I leaned against the door again, looking into Bill’s eyes. Without Lucy around, it was pretty quiet around here, and I couldn’t exactly say I liked it; I’ve gotten so used to it. He didn’t say anything, neither did I, but this time, I found the silence a bit awkward. “So… Now we’re alone.” I said lamely, showing no sign of movement.

I found it weird, most parents would love to be alone after their kids weren’t home, but Bill and I weren’t like that at all. We loved being together, but we adored Lucy and we loved having her around. I always believed that we needed to spend as much time as possible with her now, because when she gets older, she wouldn’t want to spend as much time with us as she does now. Bill and I haven’t been alone like this for so long; we hardly knew what to do. He came closer to me as I stood up straight, allowing him to put his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest, breathing in the scent of his cologne; it was comforting in a way.

“I love you.” I mumbled softly, feeling slightly intoxicated. I felt Bill pull away from me, but he still held onto my hand. I could feel him looking down at me; I looked up at him to see him smiling softly. He pulled me close to him once again, pressing my body firmly against his. “I love you too.” He whispered, so quiet that I barely heard him. I stood on the tip of my toes and kissed his cheek, then placing my hand on it gently. I leaned in to kiss him once more, and as I did, I jolted upright, startled by the sudden knocking on the door. Bill gave me an apologetic smile and let me go, walking to the door now. Not bothering to ask who it was, he opened up, revealing Tom standing in front of our door. His face was covered since he was wearing a hat, and staring at the floor.

“Tom, are you okay?” Bill ask, I don’t know if it was twin telepathy, or just curiosity, but Bill always seemed to ask when he knew something is wrong. Bill allowed Tom to step forward; he was now standing inside of the apartment. I knew this was my cue to leave, so I did. I didn’t have to make up an excuse, Bill knew me well enough to know I wanted to give them some privacy.
“I’ll see you guys later.” I said simply before walking past them, glancing back to see Tom send me an appreciative glance. I smiled back before closing the door behind me, and when I got outside, I wished that I had gone with Simone, Gordon and the kids. I sighed, looking around. I leaned against the wall, now glancing at the sky. It was one of those days when there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and it made everything seem perfect.

I started to walk away from my and Bill’s apartment, but I didn’t really have anywhere to go, so I started to walk down the stairs aimlessly. I didn’t want to wander too far away from home, and I wasn’t really in the mood for other people. So, the same as every other time I seemed to walk around, I ended up in the garden. I used to love just lying on the grass, it was the only place I could be alone. My friends were much more outgoing then I was, they hated being alone, unlike me. I never tried to distance myself from my friends, it was just what I preferred, and mostly, my they wouldn’t understand that.

The garden seemed to have gotten more beautiful, because it had rained a lot lately. I was staring at the ground as I walked, I knew every last bit of this garden since I could never really sit still when I had to think. Only then was when I discovered the spot I loved most, between the trees where Sarah now laid. It was so special to me, and now, even more because someone I care for dearly will always be with me when I’m there. I realized that last night, when I dreamt about my younger daughter once again. I’ve been avoiding her resting place ever since Bill and I showed Lucy, it was too hard. But now I know that it was wrong, I wanted to be close to her, I wanted to talk to her, even though I know that she will never be able to talk back. I love her, and she didn’t deserve to be ignored.

I walked to my spot, the tombstone catching my eye. It hasn’t even been a week since she was buried, but it felt like so much longer. My hand was tracing tracks on one of the trees; old lovers’ names were carved on it, to me, one of the sweetest things someone could do. Along with my hand, I slid down to the bottom of the tree, sitting down. I sat up straight, close to Sarah’s tombstone, on my knees. I wasn’t as sad as the first time I saw her grave, but I haven’t gotten over it, not even close. I hardly had a baby before she was taken away from me, long before her time. I think I was more angry than sad now, life wasn’t fair.

The grass was warm and soft against my skin, it didn’t hurt me and I wasn’t very uncomfortable either. I was only looking at Sarah’s grave, and as always, I just wished I could hold my baby in my arms. Now all I could do was talk to her, and hope that she, wherever she was now, could hear me. “Sarah…” I said softly, “I wish you were here right now… I miss you so much…” The feeling of sadness snuck up on me, I hadn’t expected it to come, “You were so beautiful…” I found it so much harder to talk to my daughter than to my sister. I didn’t know how to say the things I felt; I just knew I had to say it. The thought of her lifeless body, buried under me, it was like another painful stab through my heart.

“You know, sometimes I think it would have been better if I’d have gone instead of you. I would have done anything just to give you the chance to grow up; it’s all I wanted.“ I felt like I said all these things before, and no matter how much I say it, she still won’t hear it. After that, I kept quiet, playing with the grass below me. I couldn’t help but think what if it was me instead of Sarah? I wouldn’t have minded, as long as she was still here with us, I’ve lived long enough. But Sarah hasn’t. “I would have died for you…” I mumbled, “And sometimes, I wish I did.”
“No Sam, you don’t.” A voice came from behind me, making me turn around abruptly. All I could see was the person’s silhouette, but as they came closer, I could see the face clearly. Bianca was staring down at me, a frown on her face.

Tears were stinging my eyes, and I forced myself to turn away from my best friend. “I do.” I said in an oddly muffled voice, almost chocking as I tried not to cry in front of her again. I felt a hand on my shoulder softly, making me shudder at her touch. She removed her hand at my reaction, knowing that I didn’t like when people touched me. I turned to face her again. I knew her, and I knew that she didn’t understand, but she wanted to, but she was afraid to ask. I took her hand, needing something to look at; I couldn’t look her in the eye. “You don’t know what it’s like…”
“Then tell me.” She whispered, her tone was thoughtful, and sympathetic.

“What would you do if Charlie died, right in front of your eyes? And you couldn’t do anything but watch…” I asked quietly. I didn’t bother waiting for an answer, because I know I wasn’t going to get one. “Because that’s what it’s like. I know you; you would do anything to save her. I didn’t. So why are you mad at me for saying something you would have said too? Please don’t be mad…” I said, letting go of her hand.
“Sam… I’m not mad. I just hate hearing you talk like that, even when we were younger; I start to worry about you…” She admitted. I didn’t reply, but I didn’t look up at her either. I pulled her into a hug, relieved as she hugged me back. I felt wetness on the back of my neck, and realized that Bianca was crying too.

After a moment, we pulled away at the same time, finally looking at each other. There was a moment of silence before we both started to laugh uncontrollably for no reason, it felt good. We didn’t stop until we felt like we were about to suffocate, and even then we found it hard. Bianca stood up first, holding out a hand to help me up. I wiped the tears in my eyes, smiling. Bianca glanced back at e and started walking away from Sarah’s grave, silently asking me to join her. I did, jogging to catch up with her since she had a habit of walking quickly. “You know what we need right now…” My best friend said in a soft, thoughtful tone.
“What?” She laughed again as we started to walk up the stairs. “A vacation.” She said simply, “I think it’s time that we get away, it’s been a while. Maybe then we can try to move on, and come out stronger, like Bill said.”

“You know, that sounds pretty good. We should talk to everyone.” I said softly, walking slowly as we stopped in front of my and Bill’s apartment. The door was still closed, but Bill and Tom spoke loud enough for us to hear. I looked at Bianca, and it felt like we were two curious kids again as we stood in front of the door, our ears against it. We looked at each other when we heard Bianca’s name, a slight frown on my face. “… She said that we were made for each other.” I heard Tom’s voice. It took me a few minutes to figure out what they were talking about. “Do you think it’s true?” I heard Bill ask curiously.
“I think so… Because I know I still love her.”