Buried Myself Alive

He gently pressed his lips to my forehead, trying to cure my nerves. I just wanted him to feel him at this moment. He had positioned himself on top of me, his eyes lining up with mine. I reached up and pulled him closer to me. His lips touched mine and I felt that feeling.

“I love you.” He announced to me after slowly pulling away. His face was still hovering over mine, almost too good to be true. My heart swelled at his words, he meant it.

His bare chest touched mine as he lowered himself onto me. My eyes slipped closed as I felt his lips press onto mine. I felt his lips move down my jaw, then attach to the skin of my neck. “I-I love you, too.”

Those images slipped away as I felt something move next to me. The warm spot I was laying on now gone. I managed to open my eyes enough to squint. I growled. I hated waking up in the middle of a dream- Oh my god.

Had I seriously dreamed of him like- like that?! No. No freaking way. Not while I was.. Sleeping right next to him...

I groaned to myself, and sat up. I ruffled my hair with my hands. The bed was a mess.. I should have warned him I was a squirm-er. Too late.

“Ger-rard?” I asked the room, stopping midway to let out a yawn. My voice was coarse and deep, I hated waking up. I stood up and walked out of the room. “G-” I was cut off by someone grabbing me. They spun me around so fast I couldn’t tell or see what was going on.

That was, until I felt his lips push against mine. It was short and sweet, but just as wanted. He pulled away and I looked at his eyes. The same color, a bright, happy, sparkling hazel, as they were in my dreams.

He smiled. “Morning, Sunshine. I hope you had a nice dream last this morning.”

I felt my blood run cold. The smirk on his face was enough to tell me I did something. Do I even want to know? “What did I do?”

He was now in the small strip of a kitchen that Jepha’s apartment had. I made myself at home on the sofa. He peaked his head past the wall and held out a box of cereal that he threw at me. I could hear the coffee maker, making a bunch of grinding and sucking sounds. He walked over to me, sat down next to me, and lifted his feet up to rest on the coffee table. It was really hard to believe we didn’t live here.

I repeated my question. “What did I do?” He turned to face me, raising an eyebrow. “Huh? Oh, you were talking to me?”

He sucks at hiding that he knows something. “Fine, don’t tell me. I’ll get it out of you.” I sat there and folded my arms.

“Oh my fucking God.. Are you seriously.. Pouting??” He started laughing, covering his mouth as he did. I bit my lip. I don’t pout. I decided to ignore his laughing and ripped open the top of the cereal box. I stuffed a handful of the fruity shit into my mouth.

I reached toward the table to grab the remote, hitting power. The screen flashed and the pixels aligned themselves to form the same news channel I had been watching… yesterday? Seems like longer then that. It must have been right on the hour since the news was just beginning.

“Today, October 17- There has been a report of a missing..” I flipped the channels until I handed on a decent looking movie. The information said it was named Donnie Darko, after the main character I gathered. I wasn’t paying much attention to it since I was still paranoid over what I might have done while I was sleeping..

What if I actually said those three words out loud? Or what if I added his name to it? That would have been worse.. It's surprising hadn’t gotten that excited over the dream, if you catch my drift.

“Ugh, Gerard! I can’t take this. Please, just tell me what I did.” He looked over at me to see my face, I was attempting to beg. His lips formed that brilliant smile of his. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

I groaned. “Fine, you leave me no choice.” I had my plan set in my mind. I couldn’t back out if I went through with it though, I had to do it and enjoy it. I would enjoy this.

I dropped the box onto the floor, pulling my feet off the coffee. I scooted over closer to him, then I turned and placed my legs one on each side of him. I was pretty much sitting on his lap now. It was beyond obvious how taken back he was. His face was a mix of shock, want, confusion, and overall blankness.

His lips parted a little to let out one stuttering word. “Fr-Frank?” I avoided looking him in the eyes, I knew even for a slight glance I’d loose my plan and make a fool of myself. So I kept my eyes on his lips.

How can this even be real? How can he be letting me sit here like this? I can’t even see his eyes and I know he’s looking at me like that.

The same feeling I had in my dream crawled onto my skin. I bit down on the tip of my tongue. This has to be done right.

I reached my right hand up and wrapped it around the side of his neck. On my fingers tips, I could feel just how soft his skin was there. I lightly pressed my left hand against his chest to hold me up. I leaned forward slowly and placed my right cheek against his left. I didn’t even have to look to know his eyes were closed, because mine were the very same.

After the dream I had this morning I wanted, needed to feel this close to him. I still had to keep enough control to move away though, just enough to know what I-

“Fr-Fra-ank, just k-kiss me or- or something. P-Please.” His nervous voice cut off my thoughts. A piece of me wanted to know why he was stuttering and why he was nervous, but the other part wanted the kiss just as much.

But not just yet. I turned my head to the left so that my lips where now against his cheek. I pressed my lips right to his skin, I moved slowly up his cheek. I was loosing control, I could feel it. My insides were begging to become mush. I moved my lips toward his ear, I could hear his breathing begin to change.

Should I be worried about that?

I pulled back and out of instinct, I attached my lips to his neck. “Ugh, Frank..” I felt Gerard’s hand grip around the back of my neck, his other pushing me off of him slightly. Then his lips, how could they feel that fucking good? He pressed against me, moving his lips right against mine. I felt his arm wrap around my back and pull me closer.

I swallowed and parted my lips a bit. Shit, that felt better. I wanted him. The urge was getting stronger, I had lost my control.

I felt him against my tongue, warm and.. He pulled away and looked away. He was blushing, his cheeks flaming red. I put my hand under his chin, forcing him to look at me. I lightly pecked his lips. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

He took in a few deep breaths. I could tell he was biting his lip again. He was nervous and I wanted to know why. I leaned forward, snaking my arms around him and burying my face in the curve of his neck. I nuzzled against him. “Gerard, common what’s wrong? Tell me.”

He breathing was still heavy and he was muttering something to himself. I just caught the words ‘ruin the moment’ but that’s all. I shifted my weight a bit to make sure he was comfortable. Then I felt it. “Aw, Gerard. Common, you’re not embarrassed by that.. Are you?”

He sighed. “I can’t help it. I can’t even enjoy it after cause all it fucking makes me think about is sleeping with-” He cut himself off and turned even more red. Did.. He.. Just..? I must have stopped breathing, I must have died right there since my heart stopped. It all stopped. “Gerard..? Do you mean..?” He responded by resting the side of his head against mine. He was whispering to me.

“I don’t know why I feel so close to you. I don’t know how or why I fell for you so quick. I know there’s a reason my heart’s doing this to me, I wish I knew. There’s more to us, Frank. I just know it. I might sound nuts but, it’s like we’re star crossed lovers.. or something. I have the pull toward you, Frank. I want to be around you, near you, hold you, touch you, feel you, love you.. Always…”

Could he possibly mean all of that? I only knew him for how long… but I did know what he meant. That feeling that pull. The constant worry, want, need for him. What was I to say? How could I possibly respond to that..

“Gerard, I-”