Buried Myself Alive

My voice was cut off by the sound of keys in the door. I locked eyes with him, begging for him to understand what I wanted to say. He was wounded, I could tell. His eyes had deepen a shade of honey.

I didn’t bother to climb off of him as they entered the room. Even though in my mind I thought- I knew it was impossible to … like someone that much that fast, in my heart I could feel the truth of his words. I looked away from him and sighed.

Ray’s voice was the first. “Uh-huh, see what a simple dare turns into. How was that… shower by the way, Frank? Enjoyable, I hope.” Mikey threw himself on the couch next to us, he was giving me the ‘what the fuck are you doing’ face. I guess me being on top of Gerard like this was a very promising position.

“Hey! Who ate my cereal?” Jeph whined as he picked up the open box off the floor. He shrugged and plunged his hand in, stuffing his mouth full the same way I had. Quinn wasn’t with them. Jepha, as if reading my mind, gave me my answer as soon as he swallowed down his breakfast. “Before you ask, Q is picking up stopping over at Dan’s and then picking up some shit. Food, I’m guessing.”

I felt the memories slide back in again, needles of jealously pinching my skin. I felt Gerard tense up, I think Mikey noticed too. He put his eyes on the TV. “Frank was here, went to get beer.”

Everyone looked at him. He shrugged his shoulders. “Hey, it’s not my fault you guys watch weird movies with giant bunnies.”

Jepha started cracking up while I leaned onto Gerard more. I bet he was glad I was here to hide his literal problem. Thank god I didn’t have to worry about my own, I guess I was too caught up with my heart to get my blood that pumped. “You know what, Ray?” I said getting his attention. “I should really be pissed at you for pressuring Gerard like that, but I’m gunna thank you. Before you start getting ahead of yourself we didn’t do anything let alone each other. We got to talk.”

Ray laughed, raised an eyebrow, and eyed the two of us. “Talk? So that’s what they’re calling it today?” Gerard reached over and grabbed one of the big couch cushions from behind Mikey, throwing it at Ray’s head. He missed, earning more laughs from Ray. Jepha joined in. He must have been in a laughing mood..

Mikey leaned over to whisper something in Gerard’s ear. I figured it was private so I leaned away. I mean I really tried not to hear, but some things you can’t control. Like listening. “Did you tell him how you feel, yet? You know he feels the same even if he won’t admit it. Trust your gut, G.”

In he corner of my eye I caught Gerard blush and bite his lip. He nodded. How come Mikey was allowed to call him G? That got to me a bit. “So where did you guys go if Quinn is getting food?”

Jepha answered. “Oh, we just stopped outside to take a smoke. Then we dragged ourselves to get a nice cold morning drink. Only one though.” He quickly added the last part remembering that I don’t like alcohol.

“Sounds nice.” Gerard commented, bored. I leaned back and kissed his jaw. He wasn’t the only one bored. His eyes closed. Why did he always do that?

I pulled back and caught eye of Mikey. He was smiling, the kind of smile that showed he was happy for Gerard. I felt something warm brush my leg. I glanced down to see his hand there. Gerard’s hand on my lap.

Jeph and Ray exchanged quick glances with each other. “So what now?” Mikey looked at Gerard, then Gerard did the same to his brother. They both smiled. “More Donnie Darko!”

I turned to face the screen. “Did they just get laid?”

Gerard laughed, shaking my entire body. Well, that was something new. “You have to ask, Frank?”

I looked back at the screen biting my tongue. I wouldn’t know how people looked after they…. I’ve never gone further then what I’ve done with Gerard. Maybe he forgot..

Or maybe he just wanted to rub it in….