The Biggest Fan
Boundaries And Affection.
As I went into the bathroom, carrying my red backpack, I could hear Bert sitting down in the sofa group again.
The leather was constantly squeaking every time someone sat down, even moved in it.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, I noticed my toothpaste tube was empty.
“Do you have some toothpaste I could borrow?”, I asked Bert, peeking out of the bathroom.
“Yeah, sure. It’s in my bag over there”, he responded, pointing at his bag that was lying next to the wall behind the sofa,
It was one of those dark blue, almost marine coloured, sport bags with a shoulder strap strapped to it, containing many different pockets along the sides.
I put my toothbrush on the drawer next to me and opened the zipper at the middle of the bag which I figured out was the main room.
When I first opened it, all I could see was clothes.
They weren’t folded, just thrown on there like you did when you were going home from a vacation, not having time to pack properly.
Somehow, I felt sorry for Bert for not folding his clothes.
Therefore, I took them all out, put them on the floor next to me and started to fold them, one clothing a time.
There weren’t a lot of clothes in his bag, so I was done pretty fast.
“Found it?”, Bert asked from where he was sitting.
He was reading his book ‘The Catcher In the Rye’ again, the book he was reading the night before.
I had just found his toilet bag at the bottom of the bag, taking it out and opening it, trying to find some toothpaste.
‘Colgate Control’. Bingo; found it.
“Yeah”, I said, answering his question.
I took some toothpaste on my toothbrush which was lying on the drawer next to me, before I quickly put the toilet bag back in Bert’s bag along with his now folded clothes.
“Thanks”, I continued, heading towards the bathroom again while I started to brush my teeth.
“No problem”, he responded, completely evolved with his book.
I entered the bathroom and got my toothbrush wet before I started brushing again.
The mirror’s reflection of me was horrible and I looked like a mess.
My eyes were all puffy red, almost bloodshot and I noticed I most definitely needed a shower tomorrow.
As soon as I got out of the bathroom, I saw Bert was holding the book close to his face, as if he had trouble reading it from a long distance.
“Interesting book?”, I asked, hiding a smile.
“Yeah, totally. This Holden Caulfield person, the main character, is really somethin´”, he replied. “You gotta read it after me.”
“I will. Let me know when you’re done with it, okay?”
“You bet. Good night, babe.”
He was reading again. It was hard telling, but I think he was at chapter 18.
“Yeah. Good night to you too, Bertie boy.”
I put extra weight on ‘Bertie boy’, making him smile.
I wanted to let him know that also I could call him names like that.
He needed to know where I was standing and so did I.
As I found my way to the king-size bed, taking off my skinny black jeans, before climbing into the bed, I couldn’t help noticing how lonely it was, lying all there by myself.
I mean, I was used to sleep alone at night at home. I had, after all, been doing it for over 18 years.
But at the same time, sharing the bed with Bert these past couple of days just felt so safe, so natural.
And now, I was all alone in the big bed, still being able to smell his sweet body odour from where he had been sleeping.
I just felt like something was missing.
This night, the ship’s engine was bothering me, something it hadn’t done last night.
I could hear Bert heading towards the bathroom as I looked out of the tiny window over my head.
I couldn’t see anything but a gray steel wall with a glass lamp.
I rolled over to Bert’s side, squeezing tightly around his pillow while holding on to where his body had been lying, just to convince myself that I wasn’t alone.
The bathroom door opened and Bert came out.
“Good night”, I whispered to him from under the covers.
“Good night. Sure you’re gonna be all right by yourself tonight?”
“I guess so. I mean, I respect you wanting some time to think, so this I the right way to do it. Keeping some distance, giving you space.”
He put his head sideways, looking at me with a grateful look.
“Thank you, Lina. That really means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me. Okay?”
“Good night”, I said once more. I didn’t want to proceed with the conversation.
“Good night”, he responded, walking towards his bunk bed.
I missed something to hold now.
A stuffed animal, a teddy bear, anything.
Anything that I could hold, giving me some sort of affection.
I wanted to call someone now, hear the voice of someone I loved, telling me how much they missed me.
How much they loved me.
I needed a conferment.
I fell asleep that night lacking one...
The leather was constantly squeaking every time someone sat down, even moved in it.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, I noticed my toothpaste tube was empty.
“Do you have some toothpaste I could borrow?”, I asked Bert, peeking out of the bathroom.
“Yeah, sure. It’s in my bag over there”, he responded, pointing at his bag that was lying next to the wall behind the sofa,
It was one of those dark blue, almost marine coloured, sport bags with a shoulder strap strapped to it, containing many different pockets along the sides.
I put my toothbrush on the drawer next to me and opened the zipper at the middle of the bag which I figured out was the main room.
When I first opened it, all I could see was clothes.
They weren’t folded, just thrown on there like you did when you were going home from a vacation, not having time to pack properly.
Somehow, I felt sorry for Bert for not folding his clothes.
Therefore, I took them all out, put them on the floor next to me and started to fold them, one clothing a time.
There weren’t a lot of clothes in his bag, so I was done pretty fast.
“Found it?”, Bert asked from where he was sitting.
He was reading his book ‘The Catcher In the Rye’ again, the book he was reading the night before.
I had just found his toilet bag at the bottom of the bag, taking it out and opening it, trying to find some toothpaste.
‘Colgate Control’. Bingo; found it.
“Yeah”, I said, answering his question.
I took some toothpaste on my toothbrush which was lying on the drawer next to me, before I quickly put the toilet bag back in Bert’s bag along with his now folded clothes.
“Thanks”, I continued, heading towards the bathroom again while I started to brush my teeth.
“No problem”, he responded, completely evolved with his book.
I entered the bathroom and got my toothbrush wet before I started brushing again.
The mirror’s reflection of me was horrible and I looked like a mess.
My eyes were all puffy red, almost bloodshot and I noticed I most definitely needed a shower tomorrow.
As soon as I got out of the bathroom, I saw Bert was holding the book close to his face, as if he had trouble reading it from a long distance.
“Interesting book?”, I asked, hiding a smile.
“Yeah, totally. This Holden Caulfield person, the main character, is really somethin´”, he replied. “You gotta read it after me.”
“I will. Let me know when you’re done with it, okay?”
“You bet. Good night, babe.”
He was reading again. It was hard telling, but I think he was at chapter 18.
“Yeah. Good night to you too, Bertie boy.”
I put extra weight on ‘Bertie boy’, making him smile.
I wanted to let him know that also I could call him names like that.
He needed to know where I was standing and so did I.
As I found my way to the king-size bed, taking off my skinny black jeans, before climbing into the bed, I couldn’t help noticing how lonely it was, lying all there by myself.
I mean, I was used to sleep alone at night at home. I had, after all, been doing it for over 18 years.
But at the same time, sharing the bed with Bert these past couple of days just felt so safe, so natural.
And now, I was all alone in the big bed, still being able to smell his sweet body odour from where he had been sleeping.
I just felt like something was missing.
This night, the ship’s engine was bothering me, something it hadn’t done last night.
I could hear Bert heading towards the bathroom as I looked out of the tiny window over my head.
I couldn’t see anything but a gray steel wall with a glass lamp.
I rolled over to Bert’s side, squeezing tightly around his pillow while holding on to where his body had been lying, just to convince myself that I wasn’t alone.
The bathroom door opened and Bert came out.
“Good night”, I whispered to him from under the covers.
“Good night. Sure you’re gonna be all right by yourself tonight?”
“I guess so. I mean, I respect you wanting some time to think, so this I the right way to do it. Keeping some distance, giving you space.”
He put his head sideways, looking at me with a grateful look.
“Thank you, Lina. That really means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me. Okay?”
“Good night”, I said once more. I didn’t want to proceed with the conversation.
“Good night”, he responded, walking towards his bunk bed.
I missed something to hold now.
A stuffed animal, a teddy bear, anything.
Anything that I could hold, giving me some sort of affection.
I wanted to call someone now, hear the voice of someone I loved, telling me how much they missed me.
How much they loved me.
I needed a conferment.
I fell asleep that night lacking one...
♠ ♠ ♠
wow, guys, thank you so much for your feedback! : Dit's nice getting comments on what could be done differently, etc.
but hold on - you guys want juicy action and stuff to happen?
i mean really? like, are you all sure about that one?
'cause the weird part is, i actually wrote this story originally to be dirty.
but then i changed my mind worried about how it would become
too cliché and fall into that trap of becoming just like every other fanfic.
gah, i don't know. i'm just so unsecure about this. >.< :/
shall i let myself fall into that trap and make this story dirty, or shall i
stick to what i'm already writing and just keep on doing that?
what do you think? i'm losing my mind here, guys. D: x]
xo,
lina.