You Make My Heart Implode

Two years on.

Cat

“Wake up, we have an hour!” somebody pulls me from my slumber. I slowly peel my eyes open to find Skinny stabbing my side.

“An hour?” I try to register this new information. “Fuck! An hour!” panic springs me from my back and I jump off the tour bus, pulling my jacket on as I slip through the back of the venue.

Being at the Rock AM ring in Germany on a long bill has its advantages. Non of them spring to mind on the spot however.

An hour and a half after first being woken, the set is over and my hair straighteners are calling me.

“Cat, stop running into people” Nightmare calls, pulling me out of the way of people rushing by as we make our way backstage.

“It’s not me, they just want to be close to me!” I defend myself with a cocky smirk which is usually the expression to be found on my face. Unless of course it’s a pout. Those two are on par with one another as my favourite expressions.

“Fucking hell!” a girl's screech comes from in front of me as a body collides with mine.

“Cat, what did I just say?” Nightmare chuckles at my own expense, pulling me back towards the wall again.

I however stop walking to survey the damage which I am being blamed for.

“Cat?” the girl gasps, looking at me.

Where to I recognise her from?

“Fuck, Vi, get your ass in gear!” another girl pulls her away down the corridor in the opposite direction, which Nightmare tugs on my shirt simultaneously.

Where the hell do I know her from? Her face sticks in my memory as well as my own does from a simple glance in a much loved mirror. Not that anyone can compare to how much I love looking into mirrors. But I do remember her face just as clearly.

“Cat...Cat...Cat!”

“Mmmm” I bring my attention up as straighteners are thrust into my face.

“What’s up with you?” Skinny raises an eyebrow at me as I take the hand held appliance.

“Oh, nothing, just tired” I lie.

“Where’s Andreas gone?” Skinny looks about the room

“To meet Envy of course” non other than Andreas comes back into the room, his girlfriend’s hand set into his own.

“Hi Envy” I smile at her.

“Hey Cat. Hey guys!” she smiled around the room, kissed Andy then came to sit by my and assume a conversation as we always did.

Envy was a great girl to me, not in any other way than a friend, which makes a change from my usual habits involving women. Her bright red hair matches her irrevocable temper which only comes out once provoked, and her devotion to Andreas goes unchallenged. For the past six months the two have been inseparable and I have never known him happier. At twenty one she feels that she brings him back into the youth that she refuses to pass through.

“How are you today then?” she questions as I flick the switch on the hot straighteners and set them down to cool.

“I’m ok” I reply, deep in thought about the girl who still lingers on my mind. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” She tells me, “When are you gonna start drinking with me then?” she nudges me with her shoulder.

“I’m not sure”

“Hey! Cat! The Suicide Girls are on in twenty minutes, coming?” Skinny asks with a devilishly mischievous smile.

“Yeah I will” I spray my hair with Aqua Net quickly.

“Men” Envy rolls her eyes, getting to her feet and links her arm with mine as we escape the small room.

After getting drinks and talking about plans for the evening with Envy, the group of us arrive at the stage where The Suicide Girls should be taking to shortly. I’m not one to pass up on a burlesque show by these girls in any instance.

“Hey, isn’t that the girl you tried to rape in the corridor?” Nightmare knocks my shoulder.
As if I hadn’t noticed her already. Not that I agree that I tried to rape her, that’s just his way of blowing things out of proportion for his own entertainment.

“Cat, what have a told you about raping young girls!?” Envy giggled lightly from my other side, her free arm still linked with mine,

“I didn’t” I reply slowly.

The girl on the stage in question notices me. I stare at her, not because along with the other girls she is slowly stripping, but because I’m desperate to know why I know her from somewhere. She keeps looking directly back at me while trying to continue her performance without a hitch and keep a smile on.

“Awww! Cat’s in love!” Envy screeches below the music in the background.

“No, he’s obsessed” Skinny ‘corrects’, leaning over my shoulder to interject.

“Who is she?” Envy persists.

“I don’t know” I reply.

“I do” Skinny smiles from myself to Envy.

“Who?” I turn around to look at him with as much attention as I can pull away from the mystery girl.

“That girl who turned you down in London a few years ago” he smirks.

“Violence!” I shriek in realisation.

As soon as the set is up, she rushes straight off stage.

“Well, aren’t you going go to talk to her?” Envy squeezes my arm.

“No” I snap.

“Why not?” she frowns, displeased with my reaction.

“Because I don’t want to” I lie, slipping my arm from her clasp and practically running in the direction of our tour bus.

That was so bad. I want to speak to her more than anything. But I’m not facing her after the embarrassment she caused me in London.
It’s true that after we got drunk we went back to the tour bus, but she wouldn’t give in to me. which forced me to have to lie to the rest of the band so I didn’t look like I’d been turned down. And also it made me want her more.
But in truth I’d forgotten about her until now.
Seeing her in the corridor sparked something.
Seeing her on that stage practically naked ignited a blaze.
She is not an obsession...I won’t let myself be obsessed with a girl. Especially a girl like her.
A girl who is willing to do that to herself. A girl who can pull off something like that. A girl that reminds me too much of myself.

Oh fuck.
I’m fighting obsession already.