Hello, Angel

I have never been much of a social person. Even when I was living in New Hampshire, surrounded by familiar faces, all I could seem to do was stand against the wall and drink my cheap beer out of my cheap, red cup.

And tonight was no different.

I leaned against the wall, wrapping one of my own arms around my waist, holding in the other hand what I thought was a cup of vodka. But it tasted too sweet. Maybe it was flavored. But did it really matter?

After we had arrived at the party, Claire and Frank hung around for a little while, but eventually lingered away.

Frank was currently sitting next to a pretty, red-haired girl with a stud glistening from her nose. Frank looked pretty happy whilst talking to her. I would have to ask him about her later.

Clair was sitting down at a card tale, which was creating a small crowd around it. She was playing a shot game with some rough looking guy, and was kicking his ass. She was up to six shots before I lost interest.

Gerard had been with Katherine the entire time, and I wondered if his hand had been surgically attached to her hip. He seemed to be happy with her, a smile spread across his face, but his eyes were lingering around the room, glazed and disinterested as she talked with ‘the girls’.

He spotted me, and for a moment I swore his eyes lit up. He waved at me and I gave him a small smile back, diverting my attention back to Frank. Sadly, he and that girl had disappeared from their seat on the couch. I looked back at Gerard, who was no longer looking at me, and instead directed his attention to what was down Katherine’s exceptionally low-cut shirt.

I placed my cup down carelessly on the table and headed outside, not wanting to see him looking at another girl.

The air had gotten frightfully cold, and I crossed my arms over my chest in attempt to keep warm. But the wind still cut through my dress.

Claire had made me wear the dress. ‘Don’t you want to look pretty for once?’ she had insisted. I sighed and put on the vintage dress with a pair of leggings, and refused to wear her flats, opting for my converse instead.

I spotted Mikey sitting on the curb, surprisingly without Rachel. I went over and tapped him on the shoulder. His head shot up and he gave me a broad smile, pushing his glasses back tot eh bridge of his nose.

“Hey there,” I sat down carefully next to him, trying to keep myself decent.

“Why aren’t you inside?” He asked, pointing back to the house.

“Parties aren’t really my thing.” I tucked one leg behind the other, the feeling of cold skin against cold skin giving me goose bumps. “Didn’t Rachel and you have plans?”

“Yeah, we did,” he said, playing with his cell phone, “But she wasn’t feeling well, so I just followed Gerard here.”

I nodded, the breeze blowing my bangs back slightly. He was now in the middle of texting, to Rachel probably, the glow from the phone lighting up his face.

A car pulled into the driveway next door and a couple got out. The woman looked over at the house and said something inaudible to her husband. I hoped it was about calling the cops. I wanted to leave.

Mikey cleared his throat as his flipped the phone shut, “So, Frank tells me your a Smashing Pumpkins fan.”

“Yeah, a more recent fan. We went down to some record store on Tuesday and bought Mellon Collie.”

He shook his head in disapproval, “Mellon Collie? You should’ve started with Siamese Dream or Gish. Mellon Collie is good, but those are so classic.”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, “I’ve grown awful fond of that album.”

“Well, I’ll lend the others to you so you can grow fond of them as well. You need to become a well rounded fan,” he drew a circle with his fingers in the air.

“Well rounded?” I repeated, staring at him.

“Yeah. Being round is quite pleasant. Hula hoops, bubbles, doughnuts...All round, all pleasant.”

“Gerard is kind of round and he’s not pleasant,” I pointed out.

“I resent that,” a voice said from behind us.

Both of us looked up to see Gerard staring down. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or just being sarcastic. Then Mikey burst out laughing.

“Gerard, you got to admit-”

“Not funny, Michael.” He sat down beside me, his leg brushing against mine.

As Mikey tried to stifle his laugh and hide behind me from Gerard’s glare, his phone began to vibrate in his pocket.

“Rachel!” He cried into the phone, standing up to talk somewhere more private.

“I’ll get you the albums the next time we hang at Ray’s, ok?” He said to me, covering the mouthpiece with his hand.

I nodded and watched him walk off around the back of the house, not wanting him to leave me alone with Gerard.

“He’s so attached to her,” Gerard said, placing a cigarette between his lips and lighting it. His lips were so thin and pale.

“They’re in love, Gerard. Can’t you tell?” I looked at him. He was staring across the street, the cigarette now between his index and middle fingers.

“I don’t know,” he took another drag; “Sometimes they seem like it. But who am I to know what love is?”

I sighed and shifted my weight uneasily. I was tempted to head inside, with the conversation steering to a topic I didn’t want to discuss with Gerard of all people. I wanted to just go back to my wall, back to my red cup, and leave him smoking out here on the curb.

I began to move to stand, but he grabbed my arm.

“Don’t. I want to talk to you.”

He rubbed the butt into the sidewalk and turned to face me. His eyes were so intense, so powerful as they gazed back into mine. They made me uncomfortable and weak.

“I wanted to apologize-”

I groaned, “Gerard, I am getting so sick of this. Please, don’t.”

He gave me a puzzled look and I just shook my head. “Every time we talk, one of us is apologizing to the other. I am just sick of it. Please, just don’t.”

“But-”

“Gerard! There you are!” Katherine called from the front steps, and made her way over towards us.

He dropped my hand and quickly placed his own in his jacket pocket. I hadn’t even realized that he had been holding it.

“Hello Sarah,” she gave me a warm smile, placing her hand on her chest to help her catch her breath. “I didn’t know you were going to be here.”

“Neither did I,” I politely smiled back at her.

“And, oh, please do stand up and let me look at that dress of yours,” she gestured, and I obliged, straightening out the bottom on the dress.

“It’s so cute! I like it,” She commented.

“Thank you.”

She redirected her attention to a bored Gerard, who was currently staring at my legs. I shifted from one foot to the other uncomfortably.

“Honey,” she said in a sweet voice, “Do you think you could give Matt a ride home?”

“Matt? As in, Matt Jennings?” He made a disgusted face when he said the name. “I don’t know...”

“Gerard, he lives right near you,” she whined, “And I promised that I’d find him one.”

He sighed, obviously not looking to argue, and looked away from her. “Fine.”

“Thank you,” she bent down and kissed him on the cheek.

“No problem.”

“So, Sarah, have you tried any of the wine coolers yet?” She grinned at me, linking her arm through mine as if we were old friends. I cringed as her side rubbed up against mine, Gerard looking as if he was going to burst out laughing any second.

“No, I only drink-”

“Well, then,” she interrupted, “You must come in with me and try some. It’s so cold outside anyways.”

She pulled me towards the walkway, as I looked back at Gerard, who was staring back at me, a sad but sweet look on his face. I shrugged off his eyes and decided to give Katherine the benefit of the doubt.

That maybe I was wrong about her. Maybe she wasn’t all that bad.