The Tiniest Lie Rips Out Your Whole Soul

{Matthew’s Point of View}

It killed me to know where she was. It pained me to know how far away I was, though she was only a couple of doors down.

She changed so much since the last time.

[Flashback]

It had been a week since Olivia’s death and Emily was still locked in her room. I could tear the door down, but I knew she needed space. She just lost someone dear to her. I hurt seeing her like that… so defenseless and… weak. She hated feeling vulnerable.

I knocked on her door again.

“Emily, love, it’s been a week, and you need to come out.”

There was a slim chance of her door knob being left unlocked but when it turned, I was surprised.

I opened the rest of the door and I thought I would see her on the bed. But it was neatly put back together.

I looked around her room in two seconds, but it was entirely empty. I went to her counter and found a single sheet of paper with her handwriting and it read ‘I’m Sorry’.

I felt my heart break in two. I ran towards Nicholas’ room. He was taking his wife’s death a little hard too but he was able to face the music.

He opened his door.

“What?” He asked, half asleep.

“Emily… she’s gone.” I showed him the single sheet of paper and his eyes widen. “I have to go get her.”

“If she left—“

“She has no idea what she’s getting into!”

“How are you going to find her?” He sighed.

“I don’t know…”

“Matt, we can’t afford you to leave… who’s going to protect us?”

He was right; with Emily gone it was my job to look after them. But… Emily, it hurt me that she just left without a word or a warning to me.

How am I going to keep going day after day knowing she won’t be next to me when I wake up?

I was so accustomed to having her small body pressed against mine in the night. I was accustomed her soft lips, to me they were soft. I was accustomed to see her gray eyes sparkle as she looked at me.

I was accustomed to her. Just being with her and knowing she was safe.

Now, all that was left was a huge hole in the middle of my chest. It was hurting to exist.

[End of Flashback]

And now that she’s back, there are so many obstacles between us; one of them being Allison.

I couldn’t just leave Allison alone when I had promised her to be there for her and her baby. But, being far away from Emily and knowing she’s with another hurts a lot more than I would’ve ever thought.

“How did we end up like this?” I thought to myself.

Allison came in; she looked like she was going to pop any moment. She smiled from ear to ear. She came towards me and pecked my lips.

“Hey, honey.”

“Hey,” I mumbled, “Where were you?”

“Just talking a walk.”

I nodded.

I stared off into space thinking of Emily. I tried to remember how she used to smile and brighten an entire room with her spirit.

Allison sighed, but it was an annoyed sigh.

“What?” I asked, looking at her was almost an obligation.

“You’re thinking about her.” She pouted.

“Who?”

“You damn very well who! Why can’t you just stop?! It hurts me to see you mope around because of her!”

“I don’t mope.” I defended myself.

“Why are you denying it?!” She growled and threw her hands in the air.

I took a deep breath.

“I’m not going to argue.” I said in a very calm voice, I stood from the chair and started to walk away.

“You still love her!” I could hear she was going to cry, her voice was shaking. “I’m not ever going to replace her, am I? She’ll always be in your heart… your dead heart.”

Her words meant nothing to me, they didn’t hurt.

“Fine, go to her.”

I turned around.

“Allison—“

She raised her hand. “I get it… you lied to me…”

“I didn’t lie to you, what is it that you want me to do?”

“Let’s leave.”

I blinked and tried to understand her.

“What?”

“Let’s leave to Mexico, again.”

“We can’t just leave in the middle of a war.”

“Then choose Matt! Me or Emily, because I am sick of looking at the way you look at her… with love! You’ve never looked at me like that! So choose!”

She stormed out of the room.

I growled in frustration and ran both of my hands through my hair.

“Fuck!”

{Emily’s Point of View}

When I went back to the headquarters, I went into my room and went straight for the shower.

I needed Matt beside me.

There, I admitted it. I needed him like flowers need the sun. Without him, I would shrivel to nothingness. I needed to know he would be there in the morning with his arms securely wrapped around me.

I wanted him with me and no one else.

I didn’t want Robert, it was just physical attraction.

I’ve been so stupid and… bitchy. I’ve pushed away everyone who has loved me and has tried to comfort me.

But, with Olivia gone and Jacob in Edward’s grasp everything seemed pointless. I wondered many times about giving up and just letting everything flow. But then I would think about my promise to my mother about taking care of my brothers and sister. I failed her… I was only able to protect James, and he died of natural causes, which was the best news I had ever heard because he was able to lead a normal life.

“Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.” I sang with AFI’s prelude to Miss Murder. “Oooh… oooh…ooh… kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.”