I Hate You

“Bye Ella.” Zack smiled and hugged me. I’d miss having a running partner.
“It’s been a fun five days.” Rian laughs and hugs me too. Has it really only been five days?
“You have to come to Maryland some time and hang out!” Alex squeezes me and then pulls away from me as he gives me that charming Gaskarth grin. My throat starts to close.
The three boys wave as they walk off to join the line going through security. It’s just me and Jack. I bite my bottom lip and desperately try not to look at him.
“To be completely honest, I don’t want to leave.” The statement surprises me and my eyes finally meet with his. He’s smiling sadly and I find the same sad twinge itch its way onto my lips.
“To be completely honest, I don’t want you to leave either.” I admit and then laugh a little at myself. How ridiculous I know I sound.
“You think we can keep in touch this time?” He asks hopefully and rocks on his feet.
I sigh and look down at my feet. “I’d really like to.” I mutter it and then dart my eyes back up to his. There’s a wide grin on his face now and a certain spark in his eyes.
“I really like you, Ell.” His widen after the second the words slip from his mouth, like he didn’t plan on blurting them. My own mouth slacks and falls open a bit as I stare at him. “I mean,” he tries to cover up fast as horror takes over his expression. Then he just sighs, “I mean it. I had a crush on you when you moved away, that’s why I was so pissed when you told me. And I still have it, which is why I acted like a dumb ass when you briefly dated Alex. I guess there’s not hiding it anymore, huh?” His smile is tight as he stuffs his hands in his pockets.
I close my mouth and swallow. I feel extremely stupid now. “Jack,” I hesitate and rethink over my words before finally deciding to say them. “I love you.” They mean more than his, but I don’t want to hide them anymore. I’ve hid my feelings from myself for so long.
“You do?” Jack’s eyebrows scrunch together as I nod vigorously and smile just as foolish as he does. “I love you too, Ella. I thought saying it would scare you away,” he admits and looks a bit bashful.
Then we’re both laughing and thinks are a little blurry as I throw myself at him. Jack opens his arms and wraps them around me, picking me up from the floor and spinning the two of us. I’m sure we’re causing a scene, but it doesn’t matter. It feels like two tons have been lifted from my chest.
“Ella?” Jack’s voice pulls me from my blurry daze. “Will you come to Maryland and be my girlfriend?”
Suddenly things aren’t so happy. “I can’t go to Maryland.” I only realize it as the words pool from my mouth and my smile vanishes. “I have a job and a home here, and James.” I sigh. “I can’t leave.”
“Then I’ll move here.” Jack’s still excited while my stomach sinks.
“But your family and friends are in Maryland. I won’t let you leave them.” I don’t add that I know how that feels.
“What are we supposed to do, Ella?” He’s finally realizing that there’s not much we can do. His eyes are dimming and his cheer is subsiding.
“I don’t know if there’s anything we can do, Jack Attack.” I use the name fondly and sniffle as I push some hair off of his forehead. Strange how him holding me just feels so normal and relaxing.
“I’m not letting you go.” He says it sternly and with force, but we both know that he’ll end up on the plan and I won’t get on it.
“No one says you have to.” I whisper and go up on my tip toes to place a kiss on his cheek before resting my head on his shoulder as I hug him tightly. “It’s just a temporary separation until we find a solution.” Jack’s hugging me back just as fiercely.
“This is so unfair.” He mumbled into my hair and a few tears spill over.
I pull back and stare up at him. Loving brown eyes stare back at me. “Life’s never fair, my dear, but I’ll see you again.” I place my hands on the sides of his neck, letting my fingers lace into his hair as I bring his face down to mine. His hands are squeezing my sides as our lips brush and electricity runs through me. It makes me smile wider and press my lips against his harder. It’s like a perfect movie kiss. Sparks flying while the world disappears around us.
”Last call for flight 180. Last call for flight 180”
I pull my lips away from his regretfully as they page his flight over the intercom. My forehead rests on his as I lock eyes with him. “I’ll see you real soon.” He nods and slowly pulls away from me. Jack’s hand lingers on mine for a second before he turns and leaves for the line, catching up to the rest of the guys.
Jack Barakat ruined my life ten years ago, but as he walked away from me again a strange sensation of hope filled me. Hope and longing took over, but not dread or anger because I know I’llsee him, be with him again. It is only time that stands between us now.