Alone

After their conversation last night, Joe had gone straight up to his room and called Frankie back. He told him that of course Kevin had agreed and Frankie was more then welcome to come out and stay with them.

Frankie couldn’t have been more excited. It made Joe’s heart swell to hear Frankie sound so happy. He told him he’d be on a flight later the next day and would be there late tomorrow night.

Joe went to bed, praying for the best and preparing for the worst.

Kevin offered to drive Joe to the airport the next afternoon.

Watching Kevin drive away with Joe, Nick hoped things would go smoothly with their parents. He was just glad Big Rob was going along.

Back inside the house, Nick sighed. He knew Kevin wouldn’t be gone that long, but it was the first time he’d been alone in their house and it was slightly frightening.

Not because he was scared. No, more because he didn’t like being without Kevin. They’d become so close in the past two weeks. Much closer than brothers should be, but Nick didn’t care. He loved Kevin and that was all that mattered.

Walking up the stairs, Nick made his way towards his room. He was still frustrated that Kevin was declining his offers to share a room, but he’d accepted it.

Inside his room, Nick shut his door and leaned against it. He couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t something he did often. It seemed the only thing worth smiling for was Kevin. It was hard for Nick to be around Kevin and not smile.

Moving over to his desk, he opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a notebook. It looked old. You could tell is was used by how worn the outside looked.

Flipping a few pages in, Nick pulled out his pen and started writing.

It was supposed to be a surprise. True, they were on vacation, but Nick was never one to stop work all together. Since he and Joe had moved in with Kev, Nick had been writing, almost nonstop.

He’d been trying to hide it. Every time he’d have his notebook out and start to write Kevin would walk in, ask what he was doing and Nick would shove the notebook aside and say ‘nothing’.

Kevin, of course, knew he was lying but let it go.

It was like the words were just flowing. They had such a deep meaning to them that Nick often found himself crying when he was writing.

He honestly thought that this might be his best song yet.

Looking down at what he’d already written, Nick read over the words once more.

Broken hearts and last good byes
Restless nights but lullabies
Helps make this pain go away

I realized I let you down
Told you that I'd be around
I'm building up the strength just to say

Nick knew Kevin didn’t blame him for his pain but for Nick, it was different. He felt like if he had known what Kevin had been going through, that maybe just maybe, they’d never had suffered like they had.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Nick looked back to the tear stained paper.

I'm Sorry
For Breaking all the promises,
That I wasn't around to keep
If only
This time is the last time,
I will Ever beg you to stay
But your all ready on your way

The more Nick read the more tears he could feel gathering in his eyes. It broke his heart to read these words. But he needed to say them. He needed Kevin to know that he was sorry. Even if Kevin didn’t blame him, he still blamed himself.

Filled with sorrow
Filled with pain
Knowing that I am to blame
For leaving your heart out in the rain
And I know you're gonna walk away
And leave me with the price to pay
Before you go I wanted to say
Yeah!
That I'm….

That was as far as Nick had gotten. He knew his next word would be ‘sorry’ but after that, he’d pulled a blank. He knew the words would come to him, he just had to wait.

Sighing, he closed his notebook. Now was not the time to write. He knew that.

Standing up, he walked over to the window in his room. Looking out, he could see the driveway. The whole of the front yard actually. He loved the view. It was one of the main reasons he’d picked this room.

With the leaves starting to turn, Nick didn’t think he’d seen a more beautiful sight.

“I stand corrected.” He laughed at himself as he watched Kevin turn up the drive.

Grinning, Nick took off out of his room, down the stairs and out the front door. He was just in time to see Kevin open the car door and step out.

“Kevin!” Nick yelled, jumping into his arms.

Kevin just laughed, slightly caught off guard, as he caught Nick and fell back onto the car.

“I..” kiss “..missed..” kiss “..you.” another kiss. Kevin couldn’t help but laugh at his little brother.

“Nick, I was only gone for like half an hour.”

“I know, but it felt like an eternity.” He said and Kevin could tell he meant it.

With Nick’s legs locked around his waist, Kevin carried him into the house.

“Nick, you’re gonna have to let go. I can’t exactly do anything with you attached to me. Granted, I don’t exactly mind…”

“Then why complain.” Nick said before grabbing Kevin and kissing him. Kevin was slightly caught off guard, but didn’t mind in the least. Moving his hands up, he fisted Nick’s curls.

“God, I love your curls.” He moaned. Grinning, Nick pulled back.

“And I love your straight hair. How about we keep it that way for a while, eh?”

“Anything you say, baby J. Anything you say.”

Dropping his legs and letting go, Nick stepped back from Kevin.

“Anything?” He asked, smirking.

“Where did you get such a gutter mind?” Kev asked, laughing.

Kevin moved to walk away, but Nick was right behind him.

“No, Kev, I’m serious. You said anything. Did you mean it?” He asked.

Stopping, Kevin looked back at Nick.

“Nick, we’ve been over this…” He started.

“No. I started and you stopped. You never want to talk about this. Well, I do. Why won’t you talk about it with me?” Nick asked.

“Nick, I just, I don’t…”

“What, Kev? You don’t what? Want to sleep with me? Cause that’s what all of this is about.”

“Nick, no…just listen…”

“Damn it, Kev, I’m tired of listening. I’m tired of talking. Its like, you won’t even take me serious here. I want this. I want you. Don’t you want me?” He asked his older brother.

“God, Nick, more than anything.” He answered.

“Then why? Why won’t you…” Nick started.

“Why won’t I what?”

“Fuck me!” Nick practically screamed.

Kevin was startled. He’d never heard Nick talk like that before.

Turning around, Kevin started up the stairs. Nick was right behind him.

“Oh no. You aren’t walking away from this. I want answers. Why, Kev? Why won’t you fuck me?”

Still walking, Kevin didn’t answer. At the top of the stairs Nick reached out and grabbed Kevin’s arm.

“Stop! Stop running away from me…from this! Just stop and talk to me!” Nick demanded.

Jerking around, Nick was shocked to see such an angry look in Kevin’s eyes.

“Why, Nick? You want to know why?”

“YES!” Nick yelled.

“Because, damn it, I’ve never done that before! I’m a 22 year old virgin.”

Nick stopped, froze. His eyes narrowed.

“And what? You think I’m not?” Holding his hand up, he pointed to his ring. “I’m still wearing my damn ring, aren’t I?” He said.

Kevin stopped.

“But…I, I thought you and Miley…”

“You what? You thought I fucked Miley?” Nick was furious.

“I, well, I…” Kevin was stuttering.

Letting go of Kevin’s arm, Nick took a step back.

“You know what, Kevin. Fuck you. If you think that little of me, then fine. I don’t deserve this shit. I thought you knew me.”

Turning, Nick walked to his room. Leaving Kevin in the hall, he flinched when Nick slammed his door.

“What have I done?” He said to himself.

Knowing Nick needed some time to cool off, Kevin decided on going to his room. Opening his door, he quietly shut it behind him.

Pulling open a drawer on his dresser, he pulled out a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. He laid them on the bed while he undressed.

It was still quite early in the day, but for some reason, fighting with Nick had worn him out.

Changing, he dropped down onto his bed. His cold, empty bed.

Kevin laid there til he cried himself to sleep. Little did he know, Nick was doing the same thing, two doors down.

KevinxNick

Joe had spent five hours on the plane. He was tired and frustrated. He’d met Big Rob once the plane landed.

“Dude, you look like shit.” Was the first thing he’d said to him.

Joe mumbled something under his breath that Big Rob couldn’t quite hear. Instead he just laughed. Reaching down, he picked up Joe’s bags.

They made their way outside rather quickly. It was so late and such a late flight that thankfully, not many people were out.

The drive to their house took less than twenty minutes.

Pulling up outside, Joe took a deep breath. Looking around, he noticed that his parents car was gone.

“Maybe this won’t be as hard as we’d thought.” Joe said to Big Rob as they made their way to the front door.

“Should, should I knock?” He looked to Big Rob.

“Let me.” He said, pushing Joe behind him.

Reaching up, he knocked.

Seconds later, the door opened.

Looking around Big Rob, Joe gasped.

KevinxNick

The next time Nick opened his eyes it was dark outside. He’d left his curtains open so he could see the moon in the sky.

Groaning, he sat up. He felt like shit. He hated fighting with Kev. Even when they were younger, he’d always hated it.

Rubbing the dried tears away, Nick grabbed his notebook of his desk.

Unlocking his door and looking out, he saw that Kevin’s door was closed. He always kept it open, except when he was sleeping.

Sighing, Nick walked back into his room. Grabbing a blanket from his bed, he made his way back out. Walking downstairs, he made his way into the living room.

Stepping up to the stereo, he turned it on, keeping the volume low.

Nick rolled his eyes. It was on a Country station. Joe must have been messing with it last. Shaking his head, he decided to leave it where it was.

Walking to the couch, on the far end of the room, Nick wrapped his blanket around him and sat down. Opening his notebook, he stopped when he heard the lyrics to the song on the radio.

You know the cards are stacked against this
As we surrender our defenses
And I've torn down all my fences just for you
And you feel it too
What do we do
Do we run or see it through

The longer we're together
It just keeps gettin' better
And you hide your little love letters
Around the house for me
And it's plain to see
That you'll always be all I'll ever need
The webs we spun
Wove into one
And left us tangled up in love

You squeeze my hand I understand
I love the way you make me feel
You got me tangled up in love
The webs we spun
Wove into one
Left us tangled up in love

Nick gasped. It wasn’t long before he was crying again. He was still so exhausted that it didn’t take long for him to cry himself to sleep once more.

That was how Kevin found him an hour later. Dried tears on his face, notebook still open in his lap.

It absolutely broke Kevin’s heart to his little brother with so much pain on his face. He knew it was his fault. Looking down, Kevin noticed Nick’s notebook was open. He knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help himself.

Picking it up, he started to read.