Secrets Are Hard To Keep

“Julia.” Nick shouted peering around my door as I talked to my friends on MSN. “We’re going to see our good friend Mandy. Will you come?”

I nodded and he smiled at me. “I’ll be ready in five minutes.”

I closed down my computer and swung my legs over the side of my bed. I pulled on a pair of pale blue skinny jeans and changed my shirt to a plain white t-shirt and a shrunken brown cardigan with yellow hems. I did up the laces of a pair of black heels, it took me longer than usual because I kept messing up the lacing. I clipped on Nick’s watch and slid my diamond ring on from my parents.

I pulled on a black trench coat and fumbled with the buttons. I snatched my Chanel bag from my bed, which I hoped had everything in, and rushed downstairs. Nick was waiting in the door way, the breeze hit my face and I shivered.

“Where’s Kev and Joe?” I asked as we rushed down the drive way.

“Joe’s in the car and Kevin is seeing his girlfriend.” I nodded in reply and laced my fingers with Nick’s.

Nick climbed into the back of Joe’s hybrid with me and snuggled up to me in the cold car. Joe and Nick chatted excitedly all the way through the drive and I sung quietly along to my iPod and tapped my heel on the floor.

As we stopped outside of a house a bit smaller than the Jonas’s house and it was the normal colour of the bricks I wrapped the earphones around my iPod. I dropped it into my bag and took Nick’s hand, he helped me out of the car and I gave him a quick thank you kiss.

I tried to prepare my self as I stood outside of the brown door. Joe and Nick stood in front of me and grinned madly. I hung back behind them and shifted nervously from foot to foot in the cold breeze. The door swung open and I braced my self, “Ah!” A girl screamed. She seemed oblivious to me.

“Mandy!” Joe shouted, equally excited.

Mandy had long blonde hair and striking blue eyes, a purple t-shirt hugged his figure and her legs filled a pair of black jeans. “I’ve missed you guys.” Her voice was filled with rejoice.

They all separated and she finally noticed me, “Hey.” I smiled, “I’m Julia.”

“I know.” She seemed a bit star struck. But she shook her head a little bit, “Hello, I’m Mandy.” She stepped forward and gave me a hug. Nick gave me a smile and I smiled back to him.

“Mandy, this is my girlfriend.” Nick said wrapping an arm around my waist, I blushed a bit and let my fringe fall over my face.

“It’s nice to meet you. Come on inside guys!” She stepped into the house and Nick pulled me in behind him.

We all sat down in her front room and I took off my coat, she took it from me and took it somewhere. I sighed, bye bye coat. She came back in and sat on the single seat and observed me as I sat between Joe and Nick.

“How long are you guys here for?” She asked.

“Just today and tomorrow, we fly back tomorrow night.” Joe answered, “So how have you been?”

“Good, I just did another modelling job yesterday but I don’t know if they’ll use me.” Modelling, huh? I could talk about that. I modelled for Dior last year.

“How long have you been modelling?” I breathed and smiled softly at her.

She stuttered her answer, “A few years.”

“I did some modelling for Dior last year, they’d like someone like you. You have a really nice bone structure.”

She glanced over her self, “Really?”

I nodded. “Yep, I’ll mention you to them but I can’t promise anything.” Was I that desperate to have someone like me? I was promising her a career almost. I mentally slapped myself.

“Really, you can do that?” She stared at me in shock.

“I can try, I guess.” I mumbled and sunk back into the sofa. She began chatting with Joe and Nick and I quietly ignored them.

I played with my ring as I pictured the sunset over the hills of my small village, my little piece of heaven. The pink and orange sky was dull in my memories, I hadn’t been for a year and listening to Nick and all of his family made me miss it even more. Thoughts of my horse and my previous life that seemed so far away now flooded my thoughts.

“Julia?” My name pulled me from my day dream.

“Pardon?” I flushed red. I scratched my head and glanced around.

Mandy smiled at me, “I was just saying I like your ring.”

“Thanks, my parents got it for me for my birthday.” I smiled and twisted it further down my finger.

Then Nick and Joe stood up, so did Mandy. I followed their cue and stood up, again behind Nick. He seemed to be becoming my barrier lately.

“I’ll have to come over sometime and see la parentals and Kevin and young Frankie.” She giggled and gave Nick a hug and then Joe. “It was nice meeting you, Julia.” She gave me a hug too and it wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would have been.

“You too.” I smiled and followed the boys out of the house and to the car. I checked Nick was carrying my coat with his, he was. I climbed into the car, relived to be getting away. But tomorrow I had worse to face… his family.

I glanced up at Nick from his shoulder, he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and I smiled stupidly at him. “She likes you.”

“How would you know?” I challenged, he smirked at me and held up his phone. The screen read ‘I like her, she’s a keeper. Mandy xo.’ I huffed, “Show off.” I murmured and kissed him gently.

* * *

I tousled my greasy hair between my fingers and slicked my fringe back against the top of my head away from my eyes. A unexpected yawn escaped my lips as I shuffled out of the guest room. The large clock on the wall tole me that it was eight in the morning, I sighed at my jet lag and quietly descended the staircase.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass. I poured myself a glass of water and headed for the living room. “Crap!” I whispered trying to keep my shock to minimum volume. “I didn’t know you were awake.” I mumbled and pulled down my black over sized ‘The Mighty Boosh’ shirt.

“Jet lag.” Nick answered flashing me a smile. I placed my glass of water on the table in front of him and I crawled into his open arms.

Nick’s hair was all over the place, his curls mixing with one another signalling his restless night. He had slightly bloodshot eyes and small purple markings under his eyes. I traced my fingers along them and then rested my cheek against his. He held me the closely with his hand on the side of my head.

“How long have you been awake?” My lips moved against his nose and cheek.

“About an hour.” He breathed and closed his eyes. “I think I could sleep now.” His other hand rested on my thigh and his thumb rubbed against my navy blue sweat pants. “You’re so warm. Like the sun.”

I didn’t feel warm, the house was very cold and I felt it. Nick was warm to me. “You’re warm too.” I closed my eyes.

“That tickles.” He laughed quietly. My eye lashes must have brushed his as I shut my eyes.

Everything was peaceful but when his eye lashes opened and grazed mine, I felt the wetness. “Why are you crying Bear?”

His eyes bore into mine, I scanned them worried to his sudden tears. “I’m crying because I’m happy. I’m crying because you’re perfect. I’m crying because I love you.”

How could I have followed that up? Even if I did have something amazing to say back I couldn’t have said it. My breath was hitched in my throat and my heart was pounding against my chest erratically.

“I love you too.” I whispered. The edges of his mouth curled up into a small smile as I wiped away his tears. “I love you.” I repeated taking his face between my hands. I slowly closed my eyes and kissed his perfect lips. I gazed into the depths of his sparkling brown eyes once the kiss had ended.

Our foreheads remained leaning against each others as his finger tips traced the outline of my bone structure. I shivered involuntarily under his touch but Nick misinterpreted it as he grabbed a blanket from behind his head and draped it over us.

I felt like a little child being cradled against him the way I was. It made me feel more vulnerable, Nick had abolished all of the walls I had built around myself and around my heart so I was exposed. Urgh, how unlike me! Exposure. Weakness. I was stronger than that.

“What are you thinking about?” Nick asked quietly. I pulled my face away from his soft cheek and looked at him. “Please…”

“Just thinking about how you’ve… affected me.” I sighed, his face didn’t change so I continued. “You make me feel really happy but in the same sense I feel weak, I guess.” I shrugged. Nick’s eyes flickered over my face as I watched him, I couldn’t understand his emotions.

“Weak?” He questioned.

“Yeah, like you’re the only thing keeping me standing. I can’t hold my own ground anymore.”

He slid a hand around the back of my neck and rested my head on his shoulder. He buried his face into my neck and gently kissed it. “I don’t want you to feel weak.” He mumbled against my skin.

Too late. I thought.