Just to Hold You Close and Tight

I woke up to my hand being squeezed. I smiled and turned my head. Ray’s face was very close to mine. “Good morning,” he said cheerfully. I was surprised by both his cheerfulness and the fact that he didn’t pull away from me.

“Good morning,” I said softly, although it was still dark. We stared at each other for a few minutes, with Ray still squeezing my hand through the sleeping bag. It felt good.

After a while, he reluctantly let go and got up. “We should go,” he said wearily.

I nodded, sighing as we rolled up out sleeping bags. We walked back to my house quietly.

When we got back to my room, I went straight for my bed. Before I could lie down, Ray stopped me by saying, “Wait.”

I turned around and said, “What is it?”

He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled something out. It was a small box. He handed it to me, saying, “Happy birthday.”

I took the box in confusion. “What?”

“It’s August 21st,” he said. “Your birthday.”

My mouth dropped. How could I have forgotten about my own birthday? “No way,” I whispered. “How did you know?”

He was smirking. “You told me, and I remembered.” He pointed to the box in my hands, stating, “Your birthday present.”

I looked down at it, still marveling at how I had forgotten about my birthday. A quick look at my calendar proved it. It was really Sunday, August 21st, and it was almost five in the morning.

Slowly, I opened the box. Inside was a small silver locket with a beautiful buck on it. It occurred to me that this must have been why he had to leave. “It’s beautiful!” I almost squealed, trying to keep my voice down. The silver chain looked so thin, and it sparkled in the starlight. “Thank you!” I exclaimed softly, looking up. He was closer than I expected. Had he taken a step towards me?

He was so close; I felt a burning in my chest and throat. It felt good and bad at the same time. Two emotions were fighting inside me. They were pain and love. Although they both burned strongly, I knew one could not exist without the other. I couldn’t have felt the love without feeling the pain, or the other way around.

I wanted to close the gap between us, but I knew how it would end. It would only make us both hurt more. I swallowed, trying to get rid of the burning.

I turned me head to the side, which helped a little. “Will you help me put it on?” I asked breathlessly.

Ray smiled weakly and took the box. He unclipped the necklace and walked behind me, and I lifted up my hair for him. Slowly, he lowered it around my neck, and then clipped it. He let the necklace fall on my neck. The silver was cold, and it helped to cleanse the burning.

“Thank you,” I repeated. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I know,” he replied. “I wanted to.”

Getting into bed, I asked, “Where did you get it?”

Ray hesitated. “Do you trust me?”

“That’s a stupid question,” I retorted. “Of course I trust you.”

“I bought it,” he replied.

This made me raise my eyebrows. “You bought it? How?”

He frowned. “I guess it depends on how you look at it. I went through my old stuff and scraped together the money that used to be mine. I even found my wallet. Then I went to the jewelry store. I suppose you could say I stole it, but I left the money on the counter.”

I sighed in relief. “Oh. Okay.” I told myself it wasn’t that bad. He had left money. “I’m glad you did,” I said drowsily. “I love it.”

“Really?” he asked excitedly. “You really love it?”

I yawned and rolled to the side. “I really love…” I let my sentence trail off, wishing I could finish it with the truth, and fell asleep.