The Notebook
Part Five
Dear Gerard,
I haven’t written in three weeks.
I haven’t really had anything to write about.
I go to school. I see Mikey. He talks.
You must know better than anyone that he can talk for hours if you give him a chance. At least whatever he’s talking about is always interesting.
I don’t talk. I just listen.
I don’t have anything to say.
I go to my classes and I don’t pay attention. My grades are really starting to slip.
But I can’t bring myself to care.
This isn’t fair. I’m falling too hard, too fast.
And you’re probably just running around with Cameron.
That name makes me sick. The thought of him and his beady little eyes and his stringy blonde hair makes me sick.
This can’t be healthy. I should not be getting so upset because my best friend’s brother might have a boyfriend. I’m not some little emo drama queen who cries himself to sleep because his crush is taken.
Except that… I am.
I don’t want to be this guy. Desperate and needy. I never thought I’d become this.
I just… I really like you, Gerard. Like I really like you.
Like I really kind of love you.
It’s weird to say it. Even if no one’s reading it.
At first it was sort of… cool, I guess. New, exciting feelings. Everything was dreamy and unprecedented and thrilling.
But now it’s deep, complicated, and confusing. Draining and painful, even. Not quite as enjoyable.
It’s like I can’t live because I don’t have you, which is ridiculous and really starting to get on my nerves.
I miss independence and apathy.
Love,
Frankie
I haven’t written in three weeks.
I haven’t really had anything to write about.
I go to school. I see Mikey. He talks.
You must know better than anyone that he can talk for hours if you give him a chance. At least whatever he’s talking about is always interesting.
I don’t talk. I just listen.
I don’t have anything to say.
I go to my classes and I don’t pay attention. My grades are really starting to slip.
But I can’t bring myself to care.
This isn’t fair. I’m falling too hard, too fast.
And you’re probably just running around with Cameron.
That name makes me sick. The thought of him and his beady little eyes and his stringy blonde hair makes me sick.
This can’t be healthy. I should not be getting so upset because my best friend’s brother might have a boyfriend. I’m not some little emo drama queen who cries himself to sleep because his crush is taken.
Except that… I am.
I don’t want to be this guy. Desperate and needy. I never thought I’d become this.
I just… I really like you, Gerard. Like I really like you.
Like I really kind of love you.
It’s weird to say it. Even if no one’s reading it.
At first it was sort of… cool, I guess. New, exciting feelings. Everything was dreamy and unprecedented and thrilling.
But now it’s deep, complicated, and confusing. Draining and painful, even. Not quite as enjoyable.
It’s like I can’t live because I don’t have you, which is ridiculous and really starting to get on my nerves.
I miss independence and apathy.
Love,
Frankie