Breathing Slowly Never Worked For Me

It was seven in the morning when my alarm went off. I heard Ronnie groan beside me as he rolled over to turn it off. “Don’t,” he mumbled into his pillow as I began to climb out of bed.

“I have to go to work,” I laughed as he snaked his arms around my waist.

“Don’t go then.”

I rolled my eyes. “Seriously, Ronnie,” I whined, “I’m going to be late.”

“Then be late.” I gave a low growl as Ronnie held me tighter.

“Ronnie,” I warned.

“What?” he asked innocently, pouting up at me. I folded my arms tightly over my chest. “Come on, Lindsey,” he pleaded, “I have to go into the label today.”

“So?” I replied, pushing his arms away and getting out of bed finally, looking for my work clothes. Ronnie propped himself up on one elbow as he watched me walk about the room.

“Come with me.” I gave a deep sigh. “Please? You know none of them even talk to me anymore,” he said referring to his band mates. It was true. I had been at a band meeting with Ronnie only a month ago not long after we had moved out of Max’s place. They barely said a word to Ronnie. Max had tried but you could still feel the tension in the room.

“What’s the meeting for?” I asked, trying to change the subject. Ronnie shrugged.

“They want us to start recording our EP,” he mumbled, picking at a loose thread on my pillowcase.

“That’s great!” I enthused as I changed my shirt.

“Yeah,” Ronnie muttered sarcastically, “Great.” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m going to work,” I said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, “Be good. I’ll see you when I get home.” A sly smile spread across Ronnie’s face as he grabbed my hands and pulled me down toward him pressing his lips fiercely against my own.

“Ronnie,” I groaned, trying to push him away. He ignored me. “Ronnie,” I repeated, pulling away from him finally. He looked up at me, still silently pleading with me to go to his meeting with him. “I’ll see you when I get home,” I said again as I quickly slipped my shoes on and kissed the top of his head, leaving the room before he could get another word in.

I went to the backroom to grab my jacket and bag after I’d finished work. The clinic had been receiving less and less patients since they had put in that new health centre a couple of blocks away and I knew that eventually it would be shut down and I would lose my job. I tried not to think about it too much, dreading the day I would stop receiving my pay checks knowing I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent. I shook my head and said a quick goodbye to Magdalena, another secretary at the clinic, before I left.

As I was climbing the stairs, nearing our apartment, I could hear shouting. I tried to hear what they were arguing about, thinking it was the couple upstairs; when I realized it was Ronnie. I sifted through my bag for my keys about to unlock the door when it burst open. “Fuck you, man. You’re the last fucking person I want to work with!” I quickly jumped out of the way as someone stormed out of the apartment and toward the stair well.

“Yeah, well fuck you too,” Ronnie shouted as he came to stand in the doorway, completely oblivious to my presence, “Fuck off and don’t fucking come back!” I looked between the two of them, bewildered, when Ronnie retreated back inside the apartment. It took me a second before I realized what had happened and I went to stand at the top of the stairs. On the next landing I saw a face I hadn’t seen in over a month. “Max?” I called after him. He quickly looked up at me, and though he was still fuming from his argument with Ronnie, he smiled.

“Lindsey?” he laughed as I took the stairs two at a time to meet him, “It’s so good to see you!” He was quick to wrap his arms around me in a hug and lift me off the bottom step.

“It’s good to see you too,” I replied, looking him over. He hadn’t changed much since I’d last seen him but his hair was a little darker and he had a new tattoo. “What are you doing here?” I asked, instantly regretting as soon as the words left my mouth. Max sighed and leant back against the railing.

“You know what he’s like, Linds,” he said, burying his hands in his pockets. I nodded thoughtfully.

“Yeah,” I whispered, “I know.”

“Then why are you still here?” he countered suddenly. I blinked a few times, not sure if I’d heard him correctly.

“What?” I asked in disbelief.

“Why are you still here, Lindsey?”

“What is that suppo…where else am I supposed to go?” I replied, slightly annoyed with him for even bringing it up.

“I never asked you to leave,” he said, looking down at his feet. I knew he was referring to me leaving the apartment.

“Yes you did.”

“No, I asked Ronnie to leave. You were always welcome,” he told me. I shook my head, anger rising in my throat.

“The day you asked Ronnie to leave, you lost me too.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because he’s my fucking boyfriend. That’s why,” I snapped absolutely livid.

“We’re family, Linds. You barely even know him,” Max replied, “He treats you like shit and you don’t do one goddamn thing about it.”

“He’s not that bad,” I argued.

“Really?” Max asked sarcastically, “What about the drugs, Lindsey? What about the bruises? Why do you keep defending him?” He quickly grabbed my arm and rolled up my sleeve. My wrists were stained with black-blue bruises that ached as I tried to pull away.

“That’s none of your fucking business,” I growled and pulled my sleeve back down.

“Oh, come on, Lindsey,” he said, letting his head fall back in frustration, “You don’t want to stay but you don’t really want to leave either.” My breath caught in my throat at that comment. A guilty look flashed across Max’s face. “Listen,” he said, running a hand through his hair, “I’m going to go. I didn’t mean to…I didn’t mean to upset you.” I nodded but didn’t say anything as he leant forward and kissed my cheek. “I always have a place for you,” he assured me, “Remember that.”

“Bye Max,” I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I’ll see you around, Lindsey Paige.” I couldn’t help it as a sad smile spread across my face and I forced myself to watch him climb the rest of the stairs alone and leave the apartment building.