Be Nice or Be Safe?

Ever had someone walk into the room and suddenly get a feeling something’s a little off? Ever been approached by a stranger and get the sudden urge to run? Fear is a common emotion in society, however desensitized this generation claims to be.

Women keep everything from rape whistles to tazers in their purse, ever wary of the strange man that may approach them with a smirk before trying to drag them off down an alleyway.

But is this fear rational?

I, for one, believe in always being prepared. In my room, I have scoped out items that can be wielded as weapons in case of a break-in. On my mobile, I have the emergency number on speed dial and a detailed plan of which neighbor house to run to if a safe house is needed. It is foolish to think that in this world, you can be completely safe all your life. Merely the odds dictate that at least once in your life, you will be placed in a situation that endangers you. And when that situation arises, isn’t it best you have some plan of action?

From watching the author of The Gift of Fear on Oprah, I learnt a couple of very interesting details on personal safety. One thing that stood out to me was the claim that women that were conditioned into pressing down their comfort for the sake of being nice were more at risk for physical and sexual assault. You see, in this society women, however “equalized” the scale between sexes is supposed to be, have been taught from an early age that it is important to be nice. Heaven help if a stranger starts talking to you and you don’t respond! Nice girls are more likely to find love, settle down and have beautiful children in that amazing suburban lifestyle their mothers brought them up to believe in. Besides… According to the majority, “no one likes a bitch”.

A story of a former store clerk was brought forward as an example. Near closing time, a man came up to the doors, obviously wanting to be left in. The store clerk felt a flicker of fear for a moment. Something was telling her that there was something wrong here - that this man, in some way, was a threat. She confessed to wanting to just run out the store to get away from this stranger. But, she didn’t want to appear rude. After second-guessing herself, she came to the conclusion that she was probably being silly and let the man in with a customary store clerk smile.

The man raped her.

From this story, the author of The Gift of Fear explained that with continuing, unflawed niceness, you could be putting yourself in the position for exploitation. According to his research, no woman has ever been raped or murdered because she was “mean”. It is that split second of agreeing to polite conversation with someone you don’t actually feel comfortable speaking to that can jeopardise your safety. Once you enter into a conversation with a person, you can let all sorts of details slip. Maybe where you live, what your habitual haunts are. If you live alone.

It is very, very easy to profile someone just from talking to them for five minutes if you put your mind to it.

So, girls, I urge you - be a bitch. Turn down invitations for conversation. Make a swift exit from a location. Be closed and cold. Who knows? This kind of rudeness may just save you.

Then again, so could keeping the emergency number on speed dial.