What is the Difference Between Spankings and Beatings? - Comments

The intent is the big difference, honestly. A spanking is usually a quick, firm swat done to keep children from harming themselves or making them mind. A beating is usually done in irrational anger.

Different children learn from different forms of discipline. My brother would only respond to being spanked because if you tried to things from him, he'd break them. If you tried to ground him, he'd sneak out. He wouldn't stay in time out. If you even looked at me hatefully, it kept me in check and the most they had to do to me was threaten time out.

My nieces and nephews are like night and day, too. Some of them had to be spanked to made mind, others didn't. I think the most important thing is to keep your temper in check, explore every form of consistent and reasonable discipline, and make sure kids know you're not being mean or abusive but that their behavior was what caused the spanking, not your anger. Also, if you have to remove articles of clothing (belts, shoes) to administer a spanking it has become out of hand. I had an uncle once who used a hairbrush on his kid. Definitely a beating.

I was spanked as a child. I was mean and did not listen at all. However, my dad never did it in anger. I think that's one if the things to remember. When I was younger, we always prayed about it afterwards. When I have kids, they probably will get spanked for doing something mean and not listening....especially if it's something that can get them hurt or someone else hurt in whatever they're doing.

I think slapilping of hands works quite well because it's close to the type of learning you children go through where they touch something hot and it burns so they don't do it again. To me its the same learning process.

I was never spanked (I was a pretty good kid) but ky brother and sisters were. Granted they were bad. But my mom always did it with a belt or a switch and you had to go pick your own switch. After 6 they became mostly just threats and after 8 she never hit us again.

It's a really simple thing for me. Spanking, in my opinion, isn't necessarily meant to hurt. I remember when I got spanked, I was more hurt by the fact that I had disappointed my dad so much that he had to resort to it. It was always more of an emotional thing, rather than a painful/physical thing. I see nothing wrong with that. If a few swats on the butt can get a point across, then my opinion is to swat away.

I talk like I'm actually going to have children. Ha.

A smack across the ass always made me stop. However, my dad chasing me around and screaming at me didn't do much good. That was simply uncontrolled rage and it was not productive.

I was a little shit, though

Honestly, I agree with Hina. I was brought up where if I did something wrong, I got a smack on the arse. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but me, my sister and my brother turned out okay. We also learned pretty quickly that if my mum says not to hit each other, we damn well do't do it or we get a smack across the arse.

I personally believe that spanking (swatting at the kids' behind at least three times) isn't really beating them. Now if someone were to spank their child because someone pissed them off and the kid did one little minor thing wrong (such as maybe saying, "Shut up!") and the parent proceeds to spank them beyond what is needed, then that would be abuse. Spanking is just a swat on the arm, leg, hand, or rear while beating would be leaving a visible mark on them (beyond their skin turning a little red from a smack).

I think it just depends on the person I guess. I received spankings when I was younger. I got hit with a belt and had welts.(light ones) I got hit with a broom, flyswat, a plastic hanger, then there was the dreaded switch. I hated the switch. It would leave welts in my skin and it stung so bad.

I wasn't abused daily or anything. Most of the time I was more threatened with those instruments than actually struck with them. The times I was struck though, there were only a few times where it was painful. Aka tha switch. I'd get swatted with it on my legs and was practically made to dance from the pain but it was because I had done something bad enough to receive punishment I'm guessing. My parents didn't spank me just for the hell of it or for sport.

I never feared my parents because of it, though. I did fear when my dad or mom would go outside to "switch hunt" but after the first few times of getting swatted with one, I straightened up and only visuals of said spanking tool made me behave.

I think things have changed since the 90's, though. With so many cases of child abuse and so many emotionally damaged people who were spanked roughly, I personally think there are more practical ways to get your kids to behave than beating them or threatening to physically harm them. It's not my business of course but when I'm out at the store and I see a parent getting pretty slappy with their child, it worries me.

I wonder if that parent practices safer forms of spanking or if they full on abuse their child when no one is looking. A lot of people have to be careful too these days in public.....A lot of people see children getting spanked and instantly report it as child abuse. The court gets involved, kids are taken away and lives were ruined far more than a simple spanking would have ever caused.

Guess I'm up in the air about the topic but I think there are alternate ways out there to discipline kids without resorting to violence as a first option.

I think spankings are okay as a last resort. My problem is with using a belt or a paddle or a shoe or something. I think the person doing the spanking should always use their hand, so they can feel the pain, too, and know exactly how much damage they are dealing, so they can't disconnect from the pain they are inflicting and hit as hard as they want without consequences. If you can't spank your child with your hand, I think you're a pussy to be honest, and a coward. My mom spanked me with her hand until my little sister was born (when I was eight) and then moved onto the belt until I was in twelve. Honestly, I think it was out of control and borderline abusive, especially that late in the game, but there's nothing I can do about it now. I would never hit my kid with a belt or any other object. A couple swats on the but are one thing but at a certain age (probably seven or eight TOPS), it's got a stop and different methods have to be used. My dad would spank me if I was being a little shit and it went over better and I think made me a more obedient and less asshole-ish kid over all but it just wasn't successful with my mom because of the way she went about it and it definitely didn't stop me from rebelling against her- in fact, I think it made it worse. But my dad stopped spanking me long before I was schooling age, too... This is a little all over the place, sorry. I'm really tired so it's hard to organize my thoughts...

@ valar morghulis
Oh my goodness, if I even hit my child in the heat of the moment (when I become a mother in the future ), I would feel like the worst parent in the world. But yes, I totally agree with you. I don't think I would ever spank my child unless nothing else worked and even then, I would still feel bad.

@ aubs
That is the point I was trying to get across to my significant other last night.
Both of our parents grew up in a time where you were spanked in school if you misbehaved. I also know that it is hard to break the cycle of abuse (I believe his grandfather was abusive to his dad, which in turn made his dad abusive to him), so I can see why he would think spanking equals beating.

Like I stated in my blog, "spanking" would be used as a last resort only. I know parents can get frustrated and not think, but act in the heat of the moment. I just hope my children never act out to where it gets to the point that I do spank them. I think I would feel like a terrible mother afterward, but I do understand why some parents do it when nothing else has worked.

@ RoCk_PrInCeSs_PR
And I completely understand where you are coming from as well. As a mother, you know your kids better than anyone else, so you know what punishment works for them and what does not. I don't have kids, so I can't say for sure. But like I said in my blog, spanking would be a last resort. It would happen after time-out or things being taken away did not work and they kept continuing to do something they were not supposed to do. Like my example with the heater and my mom, that was the only time I had ever been spanked, and I honestly believe it was because my mom was frustrated with me because I kept doing what I wasn't supposed to do.

In my case I agree with your significant other that corporal punishment may not be the way because when I was younger I used to get spanked and beat by my grandparents (who were the ones who raised me) but because I was such a menace.(that's what they told me). Hitting me the way they did only challenged me to do it again and again to the point that I ended up seeing it as just plain challenge fun and laughing in their faces. I have two kids and so far giving them times out and taking things from them when they have been bad has worked for me without letting a hand hit them or anything related to corporal punishment. My 4 year old son likes to challenge and one time when his grandfather spanked him because he was bad my son stuck his tongue out as he didn't care for it. (It didn't worked for me and it will obviously won't work with my kids) but to actually threat him to take a toy or not to see cartoons or play on his games and to have him sit in his bed doing nothing for minutes really makes him think not to do it because he hates to be bored.

@ Damon Salvatore;
I do believe there is a fine line drawn between spankings and beatings. My significant other was beaten by his father, to the point where he has scars from whatever random object his father could get his hands on. So, I can understand why he would not use corporal punishment against children. But I do agree with you; living in fear of punishment does seem like a beating. I also believe that a tap on the hand or a swat on the bottom do not count as beatings, just showing the child "hey, you can't do that."
Like in the example I provided, I constantly disobeyed what my mother said. Even after being put in time-out, I still kept trying to touch the heater. So I can see why my mom spanked me.

@ dyke
I'm sorry that your parents did that you. Living in fear is no way to live. My parents have never used a belt, or a shoe, or whatever they could find closest to them.
I also believe it has something to do in the time your parents grew up in. My parents grew up in a time when corporal punishment was accepted in school. But they never allowed it in our schools (I remember in elementary school, your parents either gave or denied the principal to spank you with a paddle if you misbehaved enough).

First of all, I do believe that the opinion differs depending on what generation that you grew up in. My grandfather, who grew up where the school was a one classroom school, likes the idea of punishment on children. However, not to the point of beating them. Just a slap on the hand with a ruler or something along those lines. But, of course, child punishment laws and corporal punishment laws weren't as severe as they are now.

There is a line between beating and spanking, and I do believe that spanking is a good way to discipline a child if nothing else has worked. When I was a child, I was lightly spanked on the bottom for doing something wrong and I never did it again. It may seem extreme to some people, but I believe that it does work. Sometimes rewards and time-outs don't work for child and that's when the parents need to think about teaching their child a lesson, and I believe that spanking, not beating, is a good way.

But I think that the generation that you grew up in affects your opinion on the subject. Even so, I don't believe that beating your child to where they are covered in bruises is a good way to punish or even discipline a child, no matter how horrible they act.

When I was younger my ma and pa would always use belts and things like them and hit my hands and stuff like that with them, as many as they felt necessary and I had told my guidance counselor at school one day when I wasn't feeling well that I was afraid of my parents because of it. She considered them justified. I'm not sure beatings like that are completely necessary but I guess it depends on the situation and intent behind them.

To me, spanking is a pop on the ass, or a tap on the hand; but a beating is a full blown smack that leaves a stinging pain and complete fear.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a spank.