Unwanted or Wanted Criticism. - Comments

If you don't mind, I'd love to have feedback on the start of this story. I'm trying to revive it (and make it better) and all criticism would be welcome.

There's this story, linked in my signature, called Death Becomes You. :) It's my baby, and I will suck it up if you absolutely hate it.

I would love your feedback on this story if you don't mind

Please read The Tragic Life of Myriella Nelson if you don't mind. The link is in my signature.

Oh, that would make more sense. I understand how awkward it is, but that was the best-flowing line I could (and still can) think of to get my point across and differentiate between the 16 / 17 year olds and 20+ year olds.
It's okay, by drawing attention to it I may be able to tweak my phrasing in future to try and be less awkward.
(I'll leave it for the piece, as I don't want to change the flow, and nor do I have the time currently, but I will definitely keep it in mind!)

Oh, my bad. I took the phrasing as an error. "Same age friends" is a little awkward, but it doesn’t really hurt your story. Sorry for the mistake! I’ll edit the review.

Thanks for the comment, and it is helpful, although how did I err in the first paragraph with "same"?

@ Lex Luthor

@ sheepcat;
Sorry guys, I haven't been on Mibba in a few days. I'll review your stories in a few hours.

I have a one shot that could do with some picking. Cherry.
Thank you so much if you do!

If you could get the time to pick apart From Durmstrang to Hogwarts[ I'd appreciate it :)

How about my story, Pyromancer? :)

uh, I posted Coma White for a challenge, so feedback on that would be a great, especially if you want to kick it around a little aha.

Criticism is always great! I'll let you choose~ The prologue chapters of both of these, however, are really the old summaries. I had an OCD fit, and well, now I have - I think - pretty summaries!

Dreamcatcher is a Jacob Black fiction written for the October MM challenge. Success is the first chapter.

All I Need is a Damon Salvatore fiction that I'm reworking and have been rewriting. Change is the first chapter.

All I Need is the one I'm really worried about, but I'd rather let you choose since you might prefer one over the other - or neither at all, in which case I have my NaNo summary, which links to an important poem, and prologue. All less than 500 words I'm sure. Thanks in advance!

Going to bed. Anyone who posts after this comment, I'll check out your stuff in the morning

Hey, you can't grow as a writer if you don't take in every piece of advice :)
Behind every criticism is a piece of advice for you to learn from and grow with.

@ Proud Saiyan Warrior
Thanks for being a good sport!

Thank you so much for your honesty! :D

If you're up to kick me in the stomach over a DBZ fanfic oneshot, you're more than welcome to.
Unseen.

I'm ready to hear about how shit I am, Haha.

ugh, daytime tv. I send you all my willpower, haha.