4.3.09.

I recently decided I want to write; even though I know I'm terrible at it..I would like to get better. And, the only way to do that is to start writing more & have people critisize you and tell you things you should do to improve. So, if you'd do that I'd appreciate it. (:
I'm going to start by posting journals & probably work my way up to writing stories. Even though some of my journals aren't going to be about my day, they are still going to be important to me and might be touchy subjects for me to talk about..

Today's topic is going to be one of my cats, Buddy [My baby].. (: [I only have two cats btw]

Buddy is like my best friend. Of course, I can tell him anything & he won't say a word to anyone, unless it's in cat language to his kitty friends. But, his friends most likely don't know who I am. So, it really doesn't matter if he told them anything. He keeps me company whenever I'm feeling down, but sometimes he's mean or doesn't want anyone to touch him; that's because he's really sick.. :/ Many of my friends already know that because they know how special he is to me & they ask me how he's doing and stuff like that. I seriously would be lost without him. He means the absolute world to me. I've had him since I was five & he's the only pet I've had this long [It's been about ten years now]. I don't remember life without him; there always by my side no matter what I've done to him or mistake I made. He's just like a human, only in a cat's body & speaks a different language than I do. I've tried my hardest not to think about how miserable he is, but his sickness shows on the outside. You can see his bones; pretty much all of them, almost one by one. Its not at all a pretty sight. My family & I took him to the vet a few weeks ago; on a Friday at 4:00pm. They said he has a lump in his stomache area, down close to his abdomen. & it's most likely cancer.. :/ When I found that out tears couldn't stop running down my face.. I remember thinking "Ohh no, this can't be happening..now what?.." That night I wanted to do something to get my mind off of it; I went roller skating with my friends.. I was so upset, if someone tried to talk to me I'd be rude & things came out of my mouth that I wouldn't usually say.. But, need less to say; nothing would get me to stop thinking about him; even now he's always on my mind 24/7. I worry about him every second of everyday. Most of my friends keep saying "He'll be alright, don't worry" or things similar to that, but you know what; everything is not going to be okay. We need to put him to sleep soon; I hate seeing him this way & knowing he's slowly dying. It costs a lot of money just for a cat to be put down. He could be here one day & gone another. That's mostly why I worry about him so much.. I'm even afraid to put him outside, I don't want him to all of a sudden run away or not make it back home because he's feeling so ill or knows he'll be gone any minute now. When I was little we had this cat named Squeekers & she ran away and never came back.. Maybe that's why I worry Buddy won't ever come back.. I know he's suffering; I can feel it & I don't want to come home looking for him and never find him.. I actually want to say my goodbyes.. & that's the hard part.. I don't ever want to say my goodbyes to him.. But, things happen and I don't want people feeling sorry for me.. So, please don't post a comment saying "I'm sorry" or something like that. Just post a comment saying something about my writing. I don't need pitty.