Never Would I Admit...

At sixteen years of age... there's so many things I've been through that I shouldn't have. And that I have never admitted.

And sometimes, I wish I could.

I'm always the girl that gets picked on for stupid things. People try to tell me that others do actually like me, or that those people who are complete assholes don't matter. You'd say it mattered, too, if you got trashcans thrown at you on a daily basis.

I am, in fact, a victim of sexual assult. And you'd never be able to tell.

I'm from a very, very strict Christian family. I also tell people that I've never had my first kiss. I have. And it was with a girl.

Due to major bouts of depression that seem to rise up out of no where and consume me, I can label myself as a cutter. I'm not proud, but it's the truth, and I would take back the scars if I could.

Running is the one thing that keeps my mind at peace, and helps me get through the tough times. When I go through times where I just simply don't run, my body turns to anorexia.

Since, quite possibly, the age of eleven, I have been playing the role of mother. I've taken care of the house, my family, cooked, done much of the cleaning, and basically lost my childhood.

I have a huge problem with anxiety. I freak out about A-'s and B's in school, missing a time by a couple seconds in track, not getting early to places, and it honest-to-God nearly sends me into a panic attack every time.

I do not live in a great home. Sure, I have a better life than many others, and everyone always tells me they wish they had my family. They don't. As I've already noted, I am the one that takes care of the house. I get in trouble for B's on tests. I get yelled at for not doing things right after I've been told to do so. My dad is on the road usually five days a week because of his job, but when he is actually home, he's completely unbearable, and usually it's like I don't even have a father.

maybe typing this up will give me a little security of mind that I'm not holding this all to myself.