hate is such a strong word.

My mom said something really strange to me yesterday. She asked if I missed my dad. My real dad who I haven't seen in...oh say seven years? He never calls or write, either. I answered her truthfully, 'Yes.' I don't think about him everyday but on some occasions, I do feel like I want him to be there.

Today, my mother asked my little sister and I if we wanted to talk to him. My sister immediately said yes. I just shrugged. When the phone was ringing, I was so nervous. I didn't actually wanna talk to him. Maybe just see him. I figured our conversation would be an ultimate failure, seeing as I speak fluent english. It'll take me forever to convert my words into Thai so he'd understand.

Anyway, on the fourth or fifth ring, he answered. His voice was so...different from what I remembered. My mom motioned for my sister to say something. She was starting to look scared. She tried her best to talk in Thai. She said (it was in Thai but I converted it), 'Hello? Dad? It's Jasmine. Remember me? I'm your daughter.'

Then silence. My sister said 'hello' repeatedly. When she asked, 'are you there?' he hung up.

Ouch.

It wasn't like he didn't know he had two more kids or who we were. It wasn't even like he left us. My mom wanted to leave him because their relationship was going nowhere. And since, we were citizens here in the U.S. of A, my mom moved here. Heck, he was the one that drove us to the airport.

I remember him calling here once, two or three years ago. He called to ask my mom what she wanted to do with her condo, to sell it or something. He never once asked for us. He never asked or tried to talk to us to see how we were doing. All he cared about was the freaking profit he was going to get.

And it wasn't because he's stupid because he's young and whatnot. He is definitely not young. He could've been my grandpa. He's sixty. He's had kids before. They are all in their late twenties and early thirties. Strange that I have a lot of step brother and sisters...

What's not fair was that he actually knows how they're doing with their life and watched them grow up and become successful. But does he even bother to wonder how his youngest kids are doing? No.

I don't hate him though. I dislike him. Hate is such a strong word. I don't think I could ever hate my parents. No matter how annoying or how careless they could be, I'll never hate them. They were the ones that brought me here on Earth. Hating them will be just plain terrible on my part.

I felt bad for my sister though. She looked torn when he'd hung up on her.

That was all I really wanted to say.