I could have killed my little sister.

I am a disgusting, despicable person.

That kick could have seriously damaged her ribs, her lungs, her heart...it could have been fatal. There is no point in me explaining the situation - nothing I say can ever justify what I did.

Which was kicking my 13 year old,165cm tall, 48kg sister straight in the chest. Taekwondo style.

"Stop being paranoid, I'm telling alll your friends and my teachers your secrets, everyone hates you and think you're a freak, you're socially retarded, no wonder you don't have a boyfriend, if I were you I'd have moved out by now, you're so stupid and fat, you're so d*** selfish, you never get off your lazy a**, you're such a f***ing p***y and a w***e who can't get a date..."

And the next thing I know she's lying on the floor screaming in pain. I'm older than her, I'm supposed to be more mature, supposed to be above her childish taunts. I just went blank. I didn't know what I had done until I saw the result.

This has happened twice before. Once was during a Judo grading in HK where a boy said I was useless. I slammed him so hard into the mat he never looked me in the eye since. I didn't even know what throw I used, just that there was a slam and I had him pinned onto the ground and won the match.

Then was when we first moved into Australia. I had been fourteen at the time. My other sister had said that I was just like my father. This was the ultimate insult, and I didn't even know I had punched her in the stomach until I was retracting my fist. Maybe I am like my father after all.

And the worst part? I don't even feel guilty. I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. Mama isn't even doing anything to punish me. Why isn't she? I'm a disgusting, ungrateful excuse for a human being. I'm horrible. I just want to get what I deserve, but no one is giving it to me. It's not "just a mistake", it's completely inexcusible. What kind of thug am I who beats up little girls?

I am a disgusting, despicable person.