I think that sometimes you just need to suck it up and accept the labels that people give you. You're not going to change their minds, you're not going to be able to reform their opinion. You're always going to be that. I always felt judged by a lot of people, like they were unfairly labelling me for something that they knew nothing about. I felt like my circumstances made it okay. I thought that they were wrong when they called me a slut.
I don't think that they're wrong anymore.
I met this guy a few days ago. He's super nice and oh-so delicious to look at. Think Paul Walker in Into the Blue or The Fast And The Furious. Yummy, right? So, here's this gorgeous boy who's insanely sweet. A little sexual upon first meeting, but still very nice and awesome to chat with. He's an honours grad student at University, in his last year. Impressive, I thought. We talked about school, partying, and some other random things. We didn't really touch on the subject of relationships.
When he started moving in a bit, I told myself to back up, to analyse the situation. I asked him about his relationship status and he informed me that he has a longtime but long distance girlfriend. He said that he loves her and always will, but she's so far away. Jokingly I asked him if he stepped out on her. And he said:
Of course.
Completely seriously. Apparently it's "different." There's a difference between stepping out physically (ie: having sex with someone else) and stepping out emotionally. Apparently physical cheating is alright. At first, I was extremely disappointed, because I really hadn't gotten that kind of a vibe from him. Then I started thinking about it.
Can you cheat without cheating?
What is cheating exactly? Is it physical or emotional? Is it both? The more I thought about it, the more I realized what he meant. He wanted to have sex with me, not have any relationship other than just being friends who had sex. Acting as the label that I've been cast, I'm seriously considering it. It's wrong, I guess, but is it really?
I have a boyfriend. I know that he loves me and I love him. I also know that he's cheated on me before, he's admitted to it. I know that two wrongs don't make a right, but I feel like I deserve to have the same liberty as he does.
I guess I'm just at an emotional crossroad in my relationship that's causing a physical crossroad too. I know that if I tell him I don't want to do it, we'll still be friends, but I know that if I tell him that I do, he'll be great with that too.
I can't believe I'm actually considering cheating on my boyfriend.
I don't know what to do.
Questions!
1. What do you think of the situation/ what do you think I should do?
2. How was your day?
3. A story you'd reccomend?
4. Favourite song at the moment?
5. Pet's name?
My answers!
1. I don't know, that's why I asked you guys..
2. It was long, my concussion made it really hard to concentrate/take notes.
3. Bullet Proof by Me or Scarlett Fever by everythingburns.
4. Rude boy by Rihanna, or All the Right Moves by One Republic
5. Remi :)
Cheating in relationships [ and questions! ]
March 22nd, 2010 at 11:35pm