About five months ago I came out to my family as bisexual. The only reason I did it is because my brother announced I had a boyfriend when really I had a girlfriend & I didn't want them to think she's a dude.
Today, my father tells me he's going to be joining GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) at the community college he's going to be going to in the spring. I'm f*cking disgusted by this. My father is the most judge mental, racist, homophobic, prejudice man I have ever met in my f*cking life & here he is telling me he's going to join GSA.
Was he serious? H*ll no, he's just making fun of me. & if he was he only wants to go to start a debate. But debates with him aren't debates, they're down right f*cking arguments. My father gets rude & then he gets cruel & starts insulting people & I know d*mn well that in that environment that would not work well at all.
We were in the car a few minutes ago because I needed to go to the library because I've got a drama project I need to do. He brought it back up & I told him my opinion of the idea, basically saying that he only wants to go to start sh*t & that he's homophobic & prejudice & basically needs to stfu. We then got on the topic of why he thinks being gay is wrong.
At first his argument was that he's fine with it as long as they aren't talking about their sex lives. Which is complete & total bullsh*t because my dad doesn't know anyone that is gay except for me. & then he said that knowing someone's sexual orientation is to much information. We drove for a little bit longer talking about that, and sort of screaming at each other because at that point he was p*ssing me the f*ck off.
He then says that being gay is not natural & you should only be with someone of the opposite gender & the same species. This is where I flipped a f*cking lid because this man is my fucking father & is arguing with me that me liking girls is wrong & unnatural.
UGH. He just... p*sses me off so f*cking much! I cannot believe he had the f*cking nerve to say that to me. There I was, sitting there, flipping my f*cking shit when I realized why the h*ll we were in the car, screamed "F*CK YOU", contemplated actually opening the door & jumping out of the car, realized how f*cking stupid that would be, and then told him to turn the fuck around because there is no way in h*ll I am going to the library flipping my sh*t like I was.
I don't give a sh*t whether you think I am stupid & immature because I am declaring that I like girls at only fifteen because I know that's a lot of people's opinions, but guess what! I DO. I'm not gonna f*cking hide such a big part of me from the world just because some people don't f*cking like it.
I swear, the next time my mother is here & my dad isn't I'm begging her to leave him. I know, that's a terrible thing to say/do but honestly, I have no f*cking idea why the h*ll they got back together in the first place. They aren't happy together. My mom was discussing with my brother & I leaving him if we were to almost lose the house. Basically we're only here because she hasn't started getting SSI yet so we have no money.
Now thinking about that last paragraph I feel incredibly stupid. I'm not gonna do that, although I am going to tell my mother what just happened & I'm not sure she's gonna be too happy about it. My mother isn't exactly used to the idea of me liking girls, but she'd never go as far to say that it's unnatural & wrong. Although she has asked me if there wasn't a boy I'd rather date, that is far from telling me it's wrong.
I can't believe he'd f*cking say that to me. I honestly f*cking can't. I'm gonna hide in the computer room until my mom gets back, I guess. I'm not going near him for a while. I'm not even gonna talk to him for a while. I can't. I'm so fucking revolted that he feels that way about something his own fucking daughter is. H*LL, both of his daughters are bi. My sister's just never actually been with a girl (she doesn't know many lesbians). I just... I can't believe this.
My father is mocking me.
January 18th, 2011 at 11:13pm