I am no longer afraid of the future, unlike my very first journal.

So about four years ago is when I joined this site, and my first journal was posted about how afraid I was of the future.

I can honestly say, in the words of Gerard Way himself, I am not afraid to keep on living. I don’t have those worries because I’ve got bigger and better things to think and worry about. In that journal I worried about my favorite bands, the ones that kept my grounded when nothing else (at least it seemed) could, were going to end, disappear like they’d never existed or something and that it was all a dream. Obviously that didn’t come true. Those bands are still around and are still deafening me with their work.

But, in that journal, I realized how… I don’t even know. I guess I realized how concerned I was about how things would unfold. I think the scariest thing was getting through High School. No, not surviving it, school was never difficult or a place I resented, but more or less what the hell I was going to DO. I mean, school is all I knew, kinda still is, but I’ve been out in the world and I’ve experienced things in the last four years and… life is life.

And that’s not going to change tomorrow or the next day. Life goes on, even if I’m not here to witness it. So yes, I am still… anxious about the ending of life (mine in particular) but hey, who isn’t? But I am not afraid. I am not falling asleep thinking that if I don’t wake up, did I do what I wanted? Did I say what I wanted? Did I make an impression on somebody?

I am… sleeping to make tomorrow come quickly and to experience and to live. And that’s what has changed, unknowingly, with me in four years.

Yes, I still like the same bands (and some) that I did when I was 16, and I honestly think I will for a long while. Someone commented on my first journal that I wouldn’t like the same bands in 5 years time. Well. I do! And I highly doubt that’s going to change in the course of a year.

Someone else said that throughout high school I should try and branch out as much as possible and make the friends and have the good times. Well… that advice I don’t think I took. Sure, I was friendly with everyone, but I didn’t go out of my way to befriend the mayor or the athletic people that I really didn’t associate with… ever. I just did what I wanted and hung out with my friends (though THOSE have changed, slightly, through high school. More like just a few dropped from the radar).

But. So far in my short life. I am happy. And the future is bright and will be one good journey if I do what I want in life. :]

Yup. Those are my thoughts. XD