I hate Myself...

I hate this life, I didn't ask to be gay, I just accepted who I am.
People treat you different when you're an open homosexual. They act like...
you're a worthless piece of shit.
Nobody, not even your own family stands up for you.
No matter how good you are, or how HARD you try, you will ALWAYS be second best, and you have to accept it or whatever.
I hate myself, why can't I be straight? Why can't somebody step in and love me? Why?
The only response I get is my Granny's angry voice: "You're going to Hell you abomination." and her voice threatening to disown me and kick me out complaining about how I will ruin our family's reputation at church. Thats all she says. So I'm left, hurt and alone, wondering "Why the fuck did I get cursed?"
I wish someone would save me, but they won't.
So I stay, in my room, Danger Days, Grand, A Fever You Can't Sweat Out, and Pretty. Odd, playing on repeat, filling my ears and the silence. Ereader in hand, reading stories on mibba, fanfiction, and ficwad, some self worth coming back. Hoping maybe it will get better. But it never does. So I pull out poetry and write.
Feeling relieved. Trying to ignore the thumbtacks that feel good in my skin, and the other sharp things that hurt deliciously. Blocking the cravings for Self-Destruction.
Hoping, that one day I can Leave this town,Leave it all behind.
While knowing I am never coming "home" if thats what you call this place.
I want to not be afraid to live, because I'm already unafraid to walk this world alone...

Thanks for reading if you did...