what a crap day

I want out. Out. Out. Out. How many times must I be reminded of this self-inflicted cage? Reprimanded for faults I've only assumed responsibility for? Above all, I want to know what I want. Everything's an impossibility. The music only festers my inner resentment. What happened? Such a carefully constructed alias vanished like ashes between my fingers; a few grains of sand linger, ghosts of long-gone potential. For God's sake, I only want a taste of blissful happiness, just once. Just once outside this prison of despair. Is it my own existence that prevents the fulfillment of this last pure desire? Then obliterate it. Erase me from this meaningless reality. What were those warmly sung words? "If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere"? Well, I can't make it here, nor there, nor anywhere. Ah, such self-pity ought to be banned, eliminated, before it spreads like the rotting plague that it is. I am beyond exhaustion, I am a pile of useless bricks, never used and never going to be used, just sitting in a grass-less yard of some strung-up white trash family. Sarah, where did we go wrong And why is it such a sin for us to be happy? I need questions. I need answers. I need *something*. What is it?