whats wrong with me... :(

so i dont know what happened, but my boyfriend has been ignoring me for the past week or so, im having second thoughts about life, and i just realized and half my heart is on the other side of the country, and he already gave it back, but i wont accept it. then the other half is to with my new boyfriend that ignores me and he wont allow me to take it back when i want it. i just had a relapse.. there goes my 2 months of being clean, clear out the window. I want my Justin back, and Alex can just go away. I feel like i need to break up with Alex, but everytime i see him, everything in my mind just fades away. and then when he walks away is when it all comes back to me. My life is a complete mess and i just want to lay down and die right now, and never find out what happens next in life. I've thought about death long and hard, and i realize that i wont miss anyone i know. I wont miss my mom or dad(they're complete idiots) i wont miss my friends(they can live with out me) I wont miss my boyfriend(hes already not talking to me) And i certainly wont miss Justin, cause i know for a fact that we will never talk to eachother again. . . . Oh what and i kidding, im just gonna fall for his trap again sometime soon, most likely a week after i break up with Alex, which who knows when thats gonna happen... i just need some major advice right now... :(