Suicide

Before you read on, this is not a suicide note or whatsoever. If I was going to kill myself, I'll leave something bigger than a blog entry on Mibba. Maybe I'd paint my suicide note on the wall of my bedroom with my own blood or something like that, but that's not what I want to talk about.

People make us think that suicide is selfish because it hurts the people around you, but is it not more selfish for a community to leave a miserable man or woman trapped in their miserable life? The loss of a loved one stings for a bit, but the misery a suicidal person feels lingers forever. When one has died, there will be plenty of people mourning and grieving together, but nobody shares with the pain of a suicidal person. It's theirs to bear alone for as long as they live, so who are you to deny a tormented soul the way out into eternal peace? Nobody ever thinks about what the suicidal feel. They tell you not to kill yourself because it will hurt those around you. But if only they knew your pain, they'd wish you were dead, for death truly is the ultimate peace.

When dead, we feel nothing. We feel nothing and we know nothing, just like a dreamless sleep. It's beautiful. Tell me, is that not better than living in pain and misery constantly? Sometimes the pain gets so bad that you can't even sleep because you feel so alone, and sometimes you fall asleep only to be haunted by nightmares better than reality only because you can still wake up and escape. Sometimes you don't even want to eat anymore, but you need to, so you take in that tasteless food and feel even worse.

You just want a way out, but you're still scared, because you still have hope that maybe things will get better. Maybe you'll meet someone who can take away the pain, or maybe your aching heart could turn to stone, thus keeping you from any more hurt. But why wait and endure the pain when it's so easy to make it all go away? Why should you think of hurting those around you? Why should you care about the people keeping you in misery?

They don't understand. Nobody will understand until they get hurt as well. I understand, though. They tell us we're selfish, when they have no idea what we feel.

Remember though that this isn't a suicide note, and I'm not encouraging anyone to take their own lives. I don't want this to cause a string of suicides, because that's fucked up. This is nothing more than the things that go on through my head. What I think about suicide. I'm not telling you to die and I'm not telling you to keep living. I'm not telling you anything at all.