If only people could see...

Yknow, nobody knows the extent of just how sad i am all the time. I could describe it to you, but all you'd end up doing is telling me to feel better. It's not so simple. People seem to be blind, and i just tend to hide my emotions fairly well around people. Today in general, i felt extremely bad, and really down, to a point where it would take a fairly long conversation to explain it all. Its not like anybody is gonna notice though. I am silent personality, though i hurt and i tend to cry, you will never see me cry unless you are next to me when i do cry, and even if you are, you're gonna have to look, because i am silent. This gives way to mislead people so they do not ask about my feelings, since its wrong to push it on others. Especially this much negative feeling. I feel like nobody really likes me, and truth, iv'e kinda given up on friends. Fuck it. Im not friend material, im a sorry excuse for a human, always sad, always there with as warm, kind, and gentle a heart as is needed to help you out if you are down, but other than that, i am extremely depressed basically all the time, and i tend to look sad, and to top it off, i think im pretty bad looking, and although im sure he means it as a joke, im called fat constantly, but it hurts, and i think about it all the time, among many many other things. Especially when i have to swim. I have to wear a speedo, so the thought that everyone can see my whole body, just makes me want to hide in a corner. My brother understands nothing. He continuously preaches to me about how if i want a relationship with a girl, iv'e gotta make myself available, and be confident. To "Fake it 'till you make it." I dont want a relationship. How the fuck is that gonna work out for me anyways, given how i am. Getting a relationship comes second to finding the way to make myself happy. For some reason, i just cannot feel happy anymore. So for a year now, gradually getting bigger and bigger, i've started to feel sad every day. I dont know when, or why, but i will. I cant help but think about the bad things of myself. My brother also unfriended be on FB for posting a depressing status... all i want to do is cry, and wish my brother could help me, i feel so alone in this, i wish i could cry, and just go get a hug from him. Seeing as he doesnt like depressing things, how can i tell him... I cant. I do not want to risk what i call is a thin relationship with him as it is. Im pretty sure he thinks im rediculous because i cant get a girl, and i cant act it because i cant even be happy first, and that im really annoying when he is trying to tell me these things, but i cant seem to put it into action and make him proud of me...