Everything's just been going wrong lately.

I hate feeling this way, especially since I'm seen as the one everyone comes to with their issues; the one who listens to everyone when they have to vent and gives them advice; the one who hardly ever speaks up about her own problems. But here it is anyway: I feel neglected, alone, fat, and ugly.

I help everyone, but no one bothers to help back. The only person I really talk to deeper about how I feel than anybody else is quick to twist things to talk about herself again, and I don't speak up about it, because it makes me look like the attention-seeking, needy one.

I always feel alone. Even at school I feel like the third wheel, the girl that's that loose fragment, the one no ones bothers to care about if they have somebody else better to talk to. I'm the backup, the rebound, the ugly, fat, awkward one that just goes with along with my friends just because I have no one else better.

And this fat, ugly feeling has been going on for as long as I was eleven years old, peeking when I feel my worst. For a while now I haven't been thinking about killing myself or death, but it's coming back and it's the worst feeling in the world. It's like, as soon as I start making great grades and picking up my writing and even piano-playing again, I, emotionally, feel like complete and utter shit.

I feel like I'll never be the first-choice. Only the back up.