I dont get it

How do people make friends? Like am i the only one who's missing out on some big secret "adopt a friend" scheme?

I mean, everyone has friends out of school or in different places and im just here like ... 'my mum thinks im kinda cool' (and thats a lie, im pretty sure she thinks im retarded)

Okay given, i can be antisocial as fuuck at first but eventually i wont glare at you as much.

And theres so many reasons to be my friend like.. You can use me as a food disposal unit. Dont like that lunch of yours? I'LL EAT IT

Or uhm, you can use me as a human shield if we're ever under attack.

Or a stalker! That bitch liked his comment? Oh heelll naw i will find her. And eat her.

Hmm if you ever need someone to cry on demand, im your girl! You can employ me at your funeral. Or when your goldfish dies. Or when you run out of nutella. Or when you watch the lion king and you dont wanna cry alone.

You can use me as a pet. Take me for walk. Play fetch with me.

Do you see what i mean, id make a great friend! Goddamn.

But honestly though, those people that are sitting with 100+ followers on twitter or facebook friends, get out of here please. You make my unpopular cry.

Ahh but ive now got 28 whole followers on twitter now. :D None of which are my mum. Yes, im just that awesome