These are all pictures of my grandfather, Dallas Ruark. Recently, his health has been deteriorating. It's to a point now that the nursing home has moved him to the room a the end of the hall. It's big enough for family to stay in, if that tells you anything. He's in a coma-like state; he can't eat or drink, speak, or move. Now, he twitches his legs sometimes as he dreams, but that's the most moving he does. The nurses give him liquid medications under his tongue, because he can't swallow. We got the call this morning - the doctors have given him three days or less to live. This has hit me hard.
I've always been close to Pop, and seeing him in his current state is just heartbreaking. I went to the nursing home today, where I spent the better part of my day. I broke down in tears in my dads arms as soon as we arrived in the room. He held me until I stopped crying, and I was better until my two aunts arrived. Then it was my mom's turn to hold me while I sobbed.
Despite being afraid to see him like that, I didn't want to leave when we had to. Thank God we're going back tomorrow. I've dealt with death before, but never with anyone that I was close to. I've always been so close to Pop, and it hurts me to watch him slip away. On Friday, we went to the nursing home to discuss funeral plans. We weren't even there five whole minutes before I busted out in tears. I just am not good at dealing with death.
I'm scared - we all are - that my nana, Pop's wife, will pass shortly after he does. If that happens, I'll be done. I'll probably end back up at Dover Behavioral if that happens. I'm scared, even though I know that everyone dies. I'm not ready to lose my grandfather.